by mr pineThe thing that's annoying me now (especially as Election Day is approaching) is politicians or celebrities using the phrase, "you are in my thoughts and prayers..." when they see people going through a tough time. Many times when I've seen a celebrity say this phrase, my instant response is "Really? You pray?"
This phrase has seen a spike in usage since 9/11. At first when people started saying this, I was encouraged. In fact, it even encouraged me to pray more. But, it's becoming just another meaningless politically correct phrase. It has become a sterile version of "I'm praying for you" that sounds less intrusive because it's in the passive voice. It's the new "Happy Holidays."
It could even be defended that the person who says "you're in my thoughts and prayers" really means, "If I were a praying person, I'd pray for you... but my version of praying is actually just thinking about you... so it's the same thing."
It is not... at least not to me.
It's not that I don't appreciate their trying to be consoling. What bothers me is that I think they are just using the phrase to instantly connect with Christians, whether they themselves are Christian or not, while at the same time trying to not offend non-Christians.
If you're not actually going to pray for me, I'd appreciate it if you didn't say that you were. I wonder how other meaningful phrases would lose meaning if we all decided to make them in the passive voice.
- "I'm sorry" becomes "I feel sorrow" or maybe even "Sorrow is felt by me for you"
- "I love you" becomes "Loving feelings exist in my heart for you"
- "Please stop choking me" becomes "I would appreciate it if your hands were not around my neck area in such a tight manner..."
Maybe if ever my local senator, upon seeing a news camera after my house burned down, tells me that I'm "in his thoughts and prayers," I will respond by saying, "Really? Thank you. If you don't mind, could you pray for me right now? I could really use it."
I think his response would be YouTube gold.
How often do you tell someone that they're in your "thoughts and prayers"?
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Comments (52)
when they are
i get where you're coming from. i've recently stopped myself from saying that out of habit, because my prayer life is not where it used to be. i used to say a little prayer for victims and paramedics when i see an ambulance pass by. these days? not even a passing thought. still sorting through things but that's neither here nor there.
"you're in my thoughts and prayers" feels good to hear, and it's so easy to say. it's not like people get called on it, although i agree that it would be YouTube gold. it's like when people say, "how's it going?" as a greeting, not a sincere question. i think folks are just in the habit of saying things but society as a whole has become less personal as means of communications evolved to where it is now. i still feel the urge to say the phrase, and i usually stop myself because i didn't want to be dishonest. there are other ways to console people, but i think the fundamental thing that folks need to do first is actually CARE.
It's something that is quickly losing his meaning. When I say this phrase, the person is actually in my thoughts and prayers, but often it seems it can be used as sort of a quick way to show sympathy without getting your hands dirty.
"Man, my house flooded and now I need to move."
"Um...you are in my thoughts and prayers. Gotta go!"
I know exactly what you're saying. I used to say "I'll pray for you," but never would, and I realized I had fallen into saying a mere societal phrase. Now, I mean it. I know someday one of these people will ask me to pray for them out loud, and I'll fumble through it...but at least I'm sincere now. And the greatest thing is, that when I started praying...I actually saw things in these people's lives change. Amazing (insert sarcasm). --Laura
I say it both ways: "I'm thinking of you and praying for you" or "You're in my thoughts and prayers." If someone says it to me, I think it's nice. I understand the frustration about people saying it insincerely.
In the words of Demetri Martin.
" 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' are synonyms. Really, they mean the same thing. Unless you're at a funeral."
Seriously, instead of telling people I'll pray for them, I ask them if I can pray with them right there on the spot, if at all possible. That keeps me from promising to pray for something and forgetting.
almost never do i say that...but for different reasons...i think most people pray 'old testament', begging God to intercede...i don't pray that way and i just as soon people who pray that way don't bother praying for me since it does no good...
Wow, this is true. I never thought about it like that. When I tell people You're in my thoughts and prayers...I actually mean it. I even say a prayer right then and there like if I'm on xanga and I tell them I'm praying for them...I'll pray right there least I forget about it later. I also ask God to help those or help the people who I encountered who need prayer...
I understand because one of my old pastors would say, "you don't want everyone praying for you." And it's true. I always think about that...when someone says I'm praying for you or if I ask someone to keep me in their prayers you have to wonder do they even pray and if so how do they pray or who are they praying to? The bible says prayer is a powerful thing and you want to know these things before you have someone talk to God on your behalf. I don't like judging people, but if I don't really know you to know whether you are a Christian or not I don't put so much weight on things they say passively like that unless I know they really mean it and I don't like to assume that everyone knows God or really prays so I wouldn't want to ask someone that if they don't do it.
I say this all the time, and I think it can be meant quite sincerely. (And honestly I'm a little bothered by trying to gauge people's sincerity in saying they will be thinking of you and praying for you.)
It's not even necessarily to "not offend non-Christians." I do keep people in my thoughts during the day. I think a lot of people do. I guess I feel like it might be more productive to not second guess motivations and reasons for using phrases, and just make sure we truly ARE praying for people when we tell them we are.
I agree, I think people use it far too losely, just like the term "I love you" is used far too loosely.
I'm agnostic - I can't decide whether I believe or not at times, but when I say this to someone (and I have only really said it once or twice to people who were experiencing crisis), I really mean it.
In fact, I have recently said this to a person that I don't know personally, and have actually prayed for them on numerous occassions, but I think many people do just fling the phrase around.
When they need it and I mean it.....
@QwiXilver@xanga - my sentiments exactly. i love what you said "i think the fundamental thing that folks need to do first is actually CARE." amen.
When people say we're in their thoughts and prayers we can't necessarily know their motives or judge the thoughts and intents of their hearts...Yet I know too often I am guilty of the same thing and try to attribute motives to people's behaviors. It seems that whenever I begin to do that, it has often gotten me into big trouble. Unproven assumptions make for very poor relationships.
I like what @Theophilus166@xanga wrote, "Seriously, instead of telling people I'll pray for them, I ask them if I can pray with them right there on the spot, if at all possible. That keeps me from promising to pray for something and forgetting."
I also try offer to pray for people while I'm with with them, or when I hear of a prayer request (e.g.-via phone/e-mail), I'll try to pray as soon as possible after I hear about it, otherwise I often forget to do so.
I agree. I try not to say "I will pray for you" unless I am certain that I actually will do it. Too often I have good intentions but let other things crowd into my day and then I feel guilty because when I say it, I do mean that I will intercede with the father on that person's behalf. But I do think it has become a trite phrase. That said, a few times I have said it and the person has asked me NOT to pray for them! That's a stunner!
@Theophilus166@xanga - that probably means the more than anything to people. words put into action right then and there.
@amyjane66@xanga - at least you are honest about it. and yeah, wow, that is a stunner to refuse a prayer request. wow. talk about extreme awkwardness
I say it when I have been thinking about someone that has let to prayer for them.
@QwiXilver@xanga - Funny how the more communication technology evolves, the less we actually communicate with each other.
I've been avoiding that phrase for similar reasons to everyone else. I don't want to say it if I don't think I'll actually do it. Instead, you might hear me say, "I am praying for you," or "I have been praying for you."
If I do say, "I'll pray for you," then I make sure to do it right then and there, even if it's privately just in my head. I don't want to be a liar about something like that.
You sound so stressed!!!
You're in my thoughts and prayers! ;^)
"Lord, thank you for giving this message to mr pine to share with the rest of us. Help us all to be transparent Christians whose words match our thoughts, and whose thoughts are always on You. Amen."
Saying something like "you're in my thoughts and prayers" does not mean that somebody who is not a Christian is trying to connect with a Christian. We must remember, praying is a not an exclusively Christian activity. At this point 'praying' has become a very socially accepted form of offering condolences. It's not that they're actually praying to a god they believe in.
It's slightly akin to people singing Christmas carols... It's not that they believe in God, or are even trying to connect with other Christians. They simply have been raised in a society in which Christmas carols are a staple in the holiday season.
Just my humble opinion.
i know what you mean... many times when i hear it i think "and you know your prayers arent going any higher then the ceiling" lol. i know that sounds bad and makes me judgemental, but sometimes, there are some people that i really wouldn't want praying for me.
It is really rare for me to say those phrase. Â I feel a bit awkward saying that for some reasons. Â It feels pretentious to me unless I can see the genuine acts along with it..
From my experience, I rarely hear the phrase, "you're in my heart and prayers" unless it is really means something to said it. I think that even Christians have a hard time saying something like this, even when they mean it. It's like putting yourself out there and saying, "hey I am a practicing and faithful Christian (which is pretty much a faux pas for a young person living in popular culture)" I remember it used to be hard for me to tell my non-Christian friends that I was praying for them when they were in a time of need, even if they were really good friends of mine. I guess I was worried that they would think me insincere, like I was scrambling for words of comfort, or that they would think that I was trying to convert them and push my agenda.
I think only once has someone told me that I was in their prayers where I thought, oh no you did not just say that! At the time, I felt that this person was just trying to cover their sins against me by claiming that they were praying for me.
But let's always hope that whenever someone dares to say something as beautiful as offering prayer for you, it is always sincere and always followed through. =)
I get where you are coming from...I've even caught myself thinking the same way...but then I say who am I to say that they don't pray ...isn't that the way most people expect christians to act/think. ...so now I just hope that they do...