Thursday, 02 October 2008
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Christian Couples Watching P0rn
I was having a discussion with a married friend of mine a few days ago and she was telling me that she really missed her husband (who was out of town for a few days). She then started telling me that sometimes she and her husband use porn and sexual toys. I was a bit taken aback; not because she offended me, but because I didn't feel like hearing the intimate details of her sex life.
I was preparing to change the subject, but then she went on to say that she knows that a lot of Christians have problems with watching porn, but she believes that it's okay for her because the marriage bed is undefiled. She also went on to say that she knew of a pastor who "prescribed" porn as a means of therapy for married couples who were having issues with sexual intimacy. This was not the first time I had heard this argument. A few years back I was casually dating a guy, who also happened to be a pastor, who revealed to me that he watched porn for educational purposes.
At the risk of sounding judgemental, I don't think it's okay. I do understand that the marriage bed is undefiled, and as a single person I really can't relate to the issues that married people deal with, but I've kinda been under the impression that there is a limit. Philippians 4:8 encourages us to think on things that are true, just, lovely and holy...I suppose it's a matter of opinion, but I wouldn't exactly term porn as being "lovely". Why would it be okay to observe people partaking in ungodly behavior...off the bat we're talking fornication at the least?
Secondly, I've seen people become addicted to porn and make a lot of irrational decisions based on that addiction--you're opening the door for lust. What if your partner doesn't want to participate in such behavior? Are you then more tempted to stray, to fall for the wiles of another person who is more brazen with their sexual behavior? I just see porn as causing more problems than what it's worth.
I don't consider myself to be an expert on the subject, and maybe the whole topic is open to interpretation. Again, I'm not trying to be judgemental because I believe God will reveal the right way to handle any situation in His time and people should be subject to their own convictions rather than other people's interpretations of abstract things, but I thought I would open the floor for discussion.
What's your take on this? When (if ever) is it okay for Christians to watch porn?
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Comments (140)
I don't think it's OK at all. Porn involves lusting over people who are not your spouse.
I also look at that picture and envision them looking at porn, and the expressions on their faces make me laugh.
I don't see how watching porn can help people overcome things. It only sets up people to have unrealistic expectations (not all women have DDDDDD boobalies).
@franksabunch@xanga - did you just say 'boobalies'?
Christians have NO BUSINESS watching porn. I can't believe that anyone who calls himself a "pastor" would prescribe porn for a couple having problems...all it's going to do is CREATE even MORE problems.
You're not being judgmental AT ALL. It sounds like your friend and this "pastor" are simply being stupid and unwise.
Great discussion points and you are taking the right stand. Porn is the #1 problem in the church today, and to have pastors "prescribing" in marital counseling only makes the problem worse.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:16, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Further, Paul says, "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor practicing homosexuals nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
I watched out of curiosity. Then out of sick fascination. Then again to see if there was more imagination and an expanded vocabulary. Then again to see what this meant or that meant or how in the world that's even possible.
Once I finally stopped, I felt freer. Cleaner.
It's not my place to make decisions for other people. Neither is it my place to judge others (especially when I have enough sin and guilt of my own).
I just know that I do not want to watch it again.
As a Christian who currently struggles with a porn addiction, can I just say that any 'pastor' that would 'prescribe' pornography is a complete moron. That's one of the most asinine things that I've ever heard in my life. This man obviously has no idea what a 'pastor' is supposed to do. What kind of shepherd does he think he is?
And her marriage bed IS defiled because of the pornography. She's not 'in the clear' simply because she's not LITERALLY having sex with another man. I can't imagine that she and her husband are able to watch porn without lusting after the individuals that they are watching. If they are lusting, then they have already committed adultery in their hearts.
This whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.
Trust me, you are NOT being judgmental in anyway. Your friend on the other hand obviously lacks wisdom and common sense.
@CFOT_A_Journey@xanga - Matthew 5:16, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
That's what it took. I'm a virgin and I've committed adultery in my heart. Once I realized and understood that, I felt awful and so truly blessed that I could be forgiven.
*** I warn those who read this.***
I guess I'll be the first non-Christian to comment. I don't agree that a pastor should recommend porn as a remedy. However, for any couple who do lack intimacy or excitement in the bedroom, many therapists do recommend it. In fact, porn and masturbation have been scientifically proven to reduce stress and also the risk of getting a stroke. It is kinda weird that although Americans are trying to say that porn is evil, yet we are the number one country in porn sales and production. I'm sure that "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." might be a bit ridiculous claim. But I am not here to judge and am only offering my two cents in this post. However, it does pertain to how much self control the individual has.
NO, I dont think its ok. Single or married! I know it opens a gate for addiction and lust. I know how it is to be lonely and have no one, then turning to porn. Its a quick and empty way of feeling satisfied, and for married couples, yes, it may turn you on, but what happens when it becomes the only way for the two of you to become aroused by each other.
I dont know....I just dont think its right!
@laytexduckie@xanga - maybe porn and masturbation have scientifically proven to reduce stress and/or stroke. but you can also reduce stress and/or stroke by a lot of other things.. why does one have to use porn and masturbation to do so?
btw, the reason I don't actually think that "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." is a ridiculous claim only because it IS the adultery of the heart if you think about it.
*shrug* still just my opinion though :)
i am not really at liberty to speak about this because i am just too young... i will just say that as of now i see no problem in being open minded in marriage... i mean, what is the fun of a sex toy if you cannot even use it to spice up your married sex life? that is how i feel
It is true that the marriage bed is undefiled, but through watching porn, they are bringing another person into their marriage bed. Not in a literal sense, but in their minds, that's what they're doing. I 100% do not agree with Christians watching porn. The very thought is appalling.
This is silly. What is porn good for? Setting up unrealistic expectations, and, among other things.. causing you or your dear significant other to lust. Aren't we, as Christians, supposed to flee from temptation? "Oh, but it doesn't tempt me!" Well, my friend.. Why do you watch it then? If it's not tempting you, it wouldn't be hard at all to just say no and put the tapes far away and never ever touch them again, now would it? And how is watching something evil going to help you at all to better honor God in your marriage? Porn will not help a marriage. If anything, it may stick a band-aid on a GAPING wound.. Which we all know won't help matters at all, and may even, in time, make matters WORSE. Don't give in to Satan's little lie.
Seems to me like he's gotten a foothold already.. Using people of respect, such as the pastors you have mentioned in your post, to allow people to view it as an acceptable thing. It's not. It's like running into the lion's den with no faith, hope, or trust in God.. You'll get eaten alive. Amen?
I have to agree with you on this topic. It's not okay. Anyone who says it is, by Biblical standards, is sorely wrong. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I'm sorry. It's just wrong. Porn improves nothing. It may excite you both, but not in a healthy way. Put it away if you use it. Learn how to love and respect your spouse. Put God first, and everything else will come with time. Ask Him to help you and your spouse have a satisfying sexual life. He created sex to be enjoyed between one man and one woman, for life.. He'd know how to help you guys become better at loving each other. :) I trust in that fully.
<3 Always,
~*Akarui Mitsukai*~
@Breath - how DO you stop from watching porn? I know a guy who cannot stop no matter what! He really wants to stop because his girlfriend(fiance) is against it, but he just can't seem to quit o_o!
Pornogaphy is NOT good in ANY circumstance wheather a person is MARRIED or SINGLE!
Pornography comes from the greek word, pornographia. The Porno comes from the root word, pornea which litterally mean prostitute. Grapho means writing. Litterally, pronography means writing of the harlots. Anyway, the greek word pornea is translated in our bibles as fornication. Thus any type of pornography is premarital sex or extramarital sex. Even if a husband and wife agree on watching pornography, it is still nothing short of adultery.
this is NOT okay, AT ALL.
The "marriage bed" is more than actual sex. It can be defiled by so much and must be well protected.
If pornography has been shown time and again to consume both men and women and can disentegrate marriages and relationships, then why would anyone risk that on what would otherwise be a healthy marriage, even if it does add excitement to their sex life? I think it's a bad idea.
i can't believe a pastor watched porn!
i agree with you that christians shouldn't watch porn.
Watching porn is inviting other people into your marriage and into your bed/sex life. God does NOT say that is ok. People that are REALLY following Christ would know that porn is not ok. I could list tons of reasons why watching porn is extremely detrimental to mental and spiritual health. There is absolutely no acceptable reason to allow that in your marriage. Watching it is committing adultery. If you are truly following Christ then there is no denying that. You're either following God's teachings in the bible or you aren't. If you are accepting something like that as being ok then you are not following the bible. Are you really a Christian then? Yes, it's one thing to sin and know it and repent of it... but it's a whole different story when you are sinning and justifying it.
Porn and sex toys are two completely different things. Some sex toys I would say are not appropriate at all for christians but I won't go into graphic detail on here.
@gongju_bOttle@xanga - Well, certainly, I don't resort to pornography for stress relief. That's what tea is for. But, I guess whatever works for people.
@jmallory@xanga - Thanks for the Greek lesson! That definitely just adds to the argument of why pornography is a big 'no no' for any Christian.
Pastors prescribing t3h pr0nz to married couples is definitely out of line. However, I do believe that the church needs to take a stronger stand against porn. It's always been the ultimate taboo subject, but the truth is people struggle with it, and if the church does nothing to address the issue in any way, then no one is really gonna put it down.
By this, I don't mean pastors should go up on a sunday and say, "Okay, let's talk about t3h pr0nz! plz!" Actually, I don't really know the proper should be addressed, but I do know that it's something that has to be done in some way. Small groups, youth groups, whatever. It's gotta come up some time.
@no_more_grace@xanga - It's what I do :)