Wednesday, 24 September 2008
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Relationships: The Knight in Shining Armor...Can I Be the Steed?
Guest post submitted by NotOfHereButForHere
I don't know about anyone else, but I know what the biggest weakness is in my life: Girls.
I've left a fairly broken and dusty trail of ruined dating relationships behind me. I don't know why, I may never know, but I am willing to accept that most of them were my fault. I was talking with a friend about them today, and my current difficulty, and a line came out that I just really liked.
See, currently, there are 2 girls I'm having trouble with. One of them is an ex-girlfriend from high school, my first serious relationship. I was really, really foolish back then, and it was definitely not a relationship that was based in God. However, I did my best to be the best boyfriend I could, and apparently that affected her a lot. Whether I was a good boyfriend or not is not the point of this story. I am in no way bragging or trying to show off.
The second girl is a friend of mine who has drastic self-esteem issues when it comes to boys. A year ago, she and her father had a major fight, and she felt worthless. She asked me to take her on a date so that she should feel special, even though we both knew that there were no "feelings" involved. I obliged, and did the best I could to be a good date.
The result of these two fiascoes is that now there are 2 girls who choose to use me as a rubric of sorts for boyfriends/dates.
This is wrong!!
I am a man, flawed like all other men.
I always hear girls talk about their "knight in shining armor", the brave man that saves the day and looks good doing it. (this may be a bit outdated, but hey, I'm a traditionalist). I will never be that man. Ever. No man can.
So these two girls, who see me as their ideal for what this knight in shining armor should look like. But my armor is tarnished and broken, it doesn't shine, it's blackened from failures and stumbles.
The One that they should look to to save them, the Man who has the perfect shining armor, who can hold them and keep them from danger, is Christ.
Christ is the one that they should compare their boyfriends to. He is the only one who can really love them in the way that they are meant to be loved.
So where is the man in all of this, where is the boyfriend, if not the man who saves the day?
He should be the horse, the brave steed, who carries Christ in his heart.
I am not worthy of being an ideal, I am too flawed, too sinful. But Christ, who lived and loved a perfect life, is.
You should not look for the man who is most like the ideal boyfriend, who does and says all the right things. You should strive to find a man who carries Christ like the valiant steed. There are no stories written for the horse, because the Rider is so grand, so great, the horse needs no acclaim.
I want to be the steed, doing the work that the Rider needs, glorifying Him as I do.
What qualities/characteristics do you look for in a potential mate?
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Comments (39)
What a great twist on the old metaphor! You are so right that what women need to look for is the Lord shining through the man.
It's funny, my first and only relationship (more like that murky
territory of "friendlationship") was with a guy who had terrible
fashion sense and was extremely opinionated and snarky. But, he was a solid Christian, very gentlemanly, and we had very complementary senses of humor. He was the first person I've been intensely attracted to, and it made me realize that I'm not attracted to "perfect" in the human sense; I'm attracted to a personality that complements mine.
You're right on when you say that Jesus is meant to be our knight in shining armor. As a woman, when I have Him in the right place, then I'm not going to demand of men what I should be relying on God to provide for me. The most important quality in a man is His devotion to God. That's my firm belief.
I love the twist of the metaphor there. I would love to be Christ's steed, too. But as a guy, I look for Christ first, and good conversation second.
Thanks for being the steed. I find it most attractive when a (male) friend speaks truth, regardless of consequence. Pedestals are great for dolls and trophies (neither of which I am very fond), but I am far more interested in a man who, in spite of scars and shortcomings, can stand on the Rock.
wow, wow, wow!
This is the tightest thing I have heard all week. It's really neat. And the picture is great, too. haha
It's funny that I came across this today, because i was really starting to have a "crush" on an ex of mine, who was one of my first serious relationships a few years ago, and when we broke up it was my mom's decision and not ours, so i still had feelings for him. And I guess I still do, in a way. But I need not lose focus on Christ. And if he does still want to be with me, then Christ needs to be first in his life as well.
hooboy...this oughta bring them running...
thank you for posting this.
The Christ in Him DEFINITELY or it won't work. It's So Attractive (A man who loves God). Oh Yea: Goal Oriented, Humourous,ETC.
I agree. Something they tell us a lot in my church is that when you find that special someone it does need to be a 3 way relationship... they draw a triangle. God is the top point, and the man and woman are the two points on the bottom. Every decision you make needs to include God, and you must always put God first. If you do that then your relationship will be successful.
Those relationships that have to end in divorce, i think, are always because one or both people in the relationship decided to put themselves before God, or their wife/husband. Selfishness is the #1 cause of divorce, but if we keep God as our #1 we won't have to worry about that.
Good post.
"You should not look for the man who is most like the ideal boyfriend,
who does and says all the right things. You should strive to find a man
who carries Christ like the valiant steed. "
BRAVO!!! :)
Very well stated. This is an amazing post, and very inspirational. May I post it to my blog? Thank you so much for sharing such grand insight.
Blessings,
No dating! Courtship, courtship, courtship!
Phew, okay, got that out of my system.
I like this post hehehe!!
That's correct, in a relationship or anything in our life, we must look and seek Christ!!But I just think having a list of the ideal boyfriend makes it easier to find that someone.However, it should not be the list that we depend on because humans (men/women) are not perfect.
Nevertheless, God will give us the best partner and we shouldn't wait, but we should also search (effort!).
Very well writen. Anything that substitutes for Christ, is Idolatry. I give you 5 star. :)
A lot of girls don't do that, though. Mostly because none of us will ever measure up to Christ...instead, for me at least, they seem to care more about whether I'm honest and truthful with them.
On the other hand, the only thing that bothers my current girlfriend is when I poke fun at her language. (She's Dutch, so I like to make fun of her accent...she retaliates by speaking to me in Dutch for a while, which is not fair at all.)
Thank you for writing this. I like the twist.
well said
qualities? You listed it - But my armor is tarnished and broken, it doesn't shine, it's blackened from failures and stumbles.
Because, to be honest, I'm not a the best girl. I have my own scars and bruises. I'm not a fair maiden and I'm moody and mean and I need someone who will put up with me. I need someone who has been there, done that and is okay with the fact that I'm not perfect. The last guy I dated would always tell me how flawless and perfect I was; I wanted to punch him every time he mentioned those words.
*shrugs* I'm not looking for someone who sparkles and shines. I'm looking for someone who can fall and get up, brush the dust off and try again the next day. And, above all, I'm looking for someone who can love me even when I'm being pretty unloveable.
He has to love God. First priority. End of story. I already found my knight in shining armor. Well, he's silly and likes to be called a ninja but whatever. :P
@mariahatescupcakes@xanga - i soooo agree! i was introduced to the concept of courtship nearly a year ago now and I've read some of I kissed Dating Goodbye it's a good book by Joshua Harris