Wednesday, 17 September 2008
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How I Learned To Like My Scars
Guest blog submitted by hubbaduh
When I first stopped hurting myself, I was SO DISGUSTED with my scars. I was completely repulsed by them. I hated myself because of what I had done to my body. I would pray all the time that God would somehow supernaturally remove them. I hated this reminder of my past. I totally allowed the devil to hold it over my head.
In time though, my views about my scars changed. I went from being triggered everytime I took a shower or bath to not constantly noticing (and being repulsed) by them. This was a a gradual process, but I eventually got to the point where I was okay with them. Going from wanting to vomit and tear my flesh off every time I saw my scars (which was constantly...I'm literally covered in them) to simply "being okay" with having them was a HUGE step for me.
God went above and beyond. He's cool like that.
I'm now at a point (and have been for a while) where I actually LIKE my scars. Now, don't misunderstand me. It's not that I want more of them or anything, but the ones that I have...I like them. I think that they're beautiful. When I look at them now, I am no longer reduced to tears because of my disgust for myself, but rather I'm reduced to tears at the reminder of God's mercy and grace that has been shown in my life.
God has not only redeemed me, but He has even redeemed my scars. What once was lost, has now been found.
God's goodness,something that I most definitely do not deserve, is evident in my life. The love and compassion of Christ has not only saved me from sin, but has also saved me from the shame of these scars. The devil is always going to try to get you to focus on your past sins and failures. My scars used to be a reminder of all of that. There are now instead a reminder of everything good that there is about God, and there's a lot of good stuff about God
Here's the deal: crap is going to happen in your life. If it hasn't already already, I can safely guarantee that at some point, you're going to go through some pretty heavey stuff. For some, it's worse than others. Regardless of what "junk" you have to endure, you'll eventually have to decide how you're going to let it affect you for the rest of your life. Your can choose to become either bitter or better. If you choose to become bitter, you will let whatever happened in your past define your future in a negative way. If you choose to be bitter, you let your horrible past circumstances win. If you instead choose to be better, you let all the crap that you went through....all that torment and hell....you take it, and you use it to make you stronger.
When I first started trying in Tae Kwon Do (I'm a 2nd degree black belt, which means that I'm certified to kick your butt
), if you goofed off or were a smart aleck or whatever, you had to do push-ups. Now, you could be bitter about that...whine and complain the whole time that you did them and not put any effort into it and not even do "real" push-ups. Or, you could choose to become better, and really take your time while doing those push-ups....REALLY do them...work on your form...imagine how you're going to be stronger for doing them, and how it'll help you in that tournament next month. Either way, you're doing the push-ups so you might as well try to turn it into an advantage.My parents both died while I was in high school. Big suck. The thing is, it's already happened...it's in the past. I can't do anything about it (still working on that time machine...) except choose how I'm going to react to it now. I could, over 9 years later, throw a pity party....I could wallow in my misery....I could give up on life....I could kill myself. I could focus on all the pain that I've been through and decide that life just isn't worth it. OR...I could tell myself, "If we were able to survive losing our parents while we were still in high school, we can do ANYTHING! I mean, we've been doing life 'on our own' now for about 6 years...nothing can stop us! All this stuff that we've been through has just made us stronger!"
Imagine what would happen if we all started to view all the crap that we'd been through as an advantage. I'm not trying to say that I'm "glad" that my parents died like they did, but here's the deal: I am a stronger, more compassionate person now because of what I've gone through. I totally believe that. Was it hard? Yes (hey, it's STILL hard at times). All that grief that I went through (that I still go through at times) takes its toll on a person. The thing is,the hard times made me more patient and empathetic towards others. The devil wanted to use this destory me, but instead, I've allowed God to use it to make me into an even better person. How awesome is that? What better way is there to stick it to the devil? What he planned to use to destroy me, God is instead using to build me up. Take that, Mr. Pitchfork!
How have the difficult things in your past helped you become a better person?
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Comments (164)
Wow. Thank you for opening up to us and sharing these things, I imagine it isn't easy.
If I could go back in time, there are no mistakes that I would reconcile, not changes I would make. I am the sum of my past; change my past, change me. I am learning to appreciate the mistakes I've made as I see how God has used them to mold me into the man He wants me to be.
I learned to get over things faster or that I don't let my mistakes phase me as they use to.
I made the biggest mistake of my life, and that's the first time I've ever come face to face with God. I had no one to turn to, and He came along.
He changed my life around and showed me that the past is the past. There is nothing I can do, but let it go and forgive those who have hurt me.
And with that, I experienced God's grace and His glory which all changed my life. I love God more and more each day.
I second Alan's "WOW". That was something I needed to hear. My scars are more mental and emotional, rather than physical, but they are no less painful reminders of the self-inflicted wounds I have on my soul.
I am still in the repulsed phase, but I find hope that it does get better!
Thanks for sharing and God Bless!
Walk worthy,
Gomeric
@UTAlan@xanga - "I am the sum of my past; change my past,
change me. I am learning to appreciate the mistakes I've made as I see
how God has used them to mold me into the man He wants me to be."
Bingo. I wish that more people could realise that about their past.
great post!!! I will def. rec this.
I have scars in my life that I love now as well. Though, mine arent physical scars, they are emotional scars. From father issues to molestation issues.
But I too see them as God's grace now. And an opportunity to testify to what God can do to someone and help someone else's life in the process.
God is good, thanks for sharing that!
that's amazing. I can definitely say that I felt the same way about my scars. I hated them, I was embarassed and ashamed. But now, i'm used to them, they didn't kill me, they made me stronger. God bless you. and may He keep you you strong.
Readers of "Stuff Christians Like" may be reminded of this (the first set, also here). Like this post, it seriously choked me up.
I've become independent and more willing to accept things for what they are. I think its had positive and negative effects on me, but in the long run, it's definitely made me a better person.
The scars on my heart have made me who I am. I'd be worthless without them.
Forget the scars and you're destined to repeat the mistakes. I too appreciate my scars, though mine are internal.
Regret is our friend. Show me a person without regrets and I'll show you a fool.
BP
Thank you for posting this. I am still in the process of learning to love my scars...
Thank you for this. I'm still working to love my scars as things that show I've survived and overcome, rather than being disgusted or, even worse, liking them in the sense of wanting more. I'm so proud of you that you have gotten to this point, and thank you for inspiring me to achieve the same.
God bless.Awesome post. The past does shape who we are but how deal also helps shape us to who we become. God is awesome in the way he helps us is just amazing.
Keep fighting and keep your chin up.
From Isaac
I think I 'needed' to hear something like this...especially with my current& totally-destroyed mental/ physical/emotional state.
Thank you so much for sharing.
God Bless~*
Peace&love..
I feel so blessed to see a fellow Christian survivor. I love your outlook, and I am definitely at this point in my life where I am trying to accept the damage done to myself and embrace it as something that will make me more beautiful, more strong, and more faithful.
So thanks for sharing. =)
scars are a good reminder, though they're not always the best to have with certain occupations... and better or bitter - i like that. now i gotta live it haha
I've been in the same boat as you. I used to hurt myself also and they are left on my arms as reminders. But like you I've changed for the BETTER. I try to help others that have been through a painful life and try to help them better their life and give them more confidence. Good job that you changed for the better.
Wow, that is wonderful. I'm glad you've come to terms with your scars. Your story is a wonderful testimony of how God's grace and mercy work in our lives.
And I think the black-belt thing rocks.
I appreciate this post. It is hard for me to be comforted by the fact that God uses trials to refine us. Often times I succumb to being bitter. This post was a good reminder that I have to make a continual effort, with God's help, to not let Satan use bad experiences and problems defeat me, but to see them as a way to grow stronger and better.
@bittersunday@xanga - Scars should not remind us of the pain and hurt we went through, but rather the healing that happened. I'll never understand why bad things happen in this world, other than I know that it's because of the choices this world makes. God is not a vindictive being, watching from above and saying "I'll put this person through this pain so that they will understand this." He is an opportunist. He looks and says "Down the road, she's going to go through this struggle, and I will be there for her and help her to get through it.
I look down at my hands, with their scars from various sources, mostly me, and I see healing. Places where there was hurt, there was brokenness, but now is whole.
@Purplemoon3@xanga - I love the whole "God doesn't consult my past in determining my future" idea.  That's so powerful.
this was such a good read :).
thank you.
I laughed.
@naija_kitty@xanga - It takes time, but I PROMISE you that you can get to that point
Don't give up 