Wednesday, 17 September 2008
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A New Heart, A New Mind
by miss poppy 
Recently, I've blogged often about my emotional struggles and my struggles to trust God.
This past weekend I reached a point of utter desperation. I had no more internal resources. When I tried to pray, it hurt. When I didn't pray, it hurt. My heart and my mind were a tangle of pain and fear. Every attempt toward God felt like it was touching a jagged wound.
But I felt like God had led me there. It seemed that He had allowed things to happen specifically so that I would re-connect with my deep hurts. I finally felt like I was totally back into the mind of the little girl I used to be. There was no more dissonance. Her pain was my pain; I had totally owned her.
But I was drowning in pain, and it hurt so bad to reach for God that I felt hopeless. Except that I had faith in Him. I didn't know what He was going to do, but even as I prayed over and over, "Help me. Please help me," I knew that he heard every prayer and that He was acting on my behalf.
Friday night I went to a healing service at my church. I was riding with my dad on the way, and I told him I was struggling. He said, "Try to focus on God." Indeed. Very powerful advice. During the worship segment at the beginning of the service, I worshiped more passionately than I have for a long time. I focused my mind on God. I felt totally bankrupt in myself, but my emptiness made His worth and trustworthiness and greatness seemed more powerful than ever. I knew that I had nothing, but that did not change Him or make Him any less than God.
Then, Pastor Connie spoke, and my faith started to rise.
I can't explain exactly what happened during the prayer time at the end of the service. I lay on the floor for a long time, feeling the Holy Spirit work on me. I knew that He was healing me.
After I got up from that time, I was different, and I continue to be totally different. God created a new mind and a new heart in me while I lay under His power. I no longer approach God in pain. The wound is completely healed. Satan keeps trying to fight me, but the hurt just isn't there any more, and he can't bring it back. I have a place of peace inside myself that I can go to, and no one can take it away from me.
I experience God's love like I have never known it before, like there's a deep place inside me that He can reach now that He couldn't before. My mind is renewed. Before, when I imagined God, my mind couldn't even imagine peace with Him or happiness in Him. Now I am filled with both.
I am a beloved child, and I know it.
The thoughts I am thinking and the peaceful love I am experiencing are not from me. My heart was broken, and God gave me a totally new one; my natural mind was filled with anguish, and God gave me His instead. There is literally a new place in me that was not there before, a place I can go and escape from Satan;s lies and anxiety, a place of positive peace and love and hope in my relationship with my Father. I never have to live with the pain again.
I praise God, and I am thankful for all He has done (and to Pastor Connie and other people's willingness to let Him use them) to bring me here. I know that I will have struggles in my life, but something definitive has happened, and I will never be the same again. I am healed.
Thanks to everyone who has prayed and stood with me.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
Have you ever experienced healing from God? Was it emotional or physical healing?
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Comments (23)
Emotional and physical healing are oft' psychosomatic. Prayer and meditation work because of the emotional focus either inward or outward. I'm glad that you have found peace, but sorry that it is such a struggle.
I think to realize that religion and extreme labels of good and evil are purely human in origin, frees me emotionally and physically.
If God exists, he exists inside you and all things. I refuse to accept that he is one man who is both father and husband.
Knowing God from the Indian Gita:
"I am life in living things. I am the wisdom in men's minds and the wish in your heart."
God is you and you are God---love yourself and love others. I feel it is better to ask yourself and look inward than to focus on perceived notions of religious origin.
The old has gone, the new has come.
God healed me from Fibromyalgia
I think God has tried healing me through the people around me, letting me know that he supports me through anything.
He is in the process of healing my broken heart now. I feel the bandages being removed and soon I will totally be new. I know what you are talking about. IT is good to know that you do not live with that pain anymore. But I am sure as we all are that more pain will come. Just hold on to your faith and remember that If he got you through this one he will definately get you throught the next one, and the next one and the next one. God bless you you are in My thoughts and prayers
@secqura - Thank you. That means a lot. Are you familiar with Beth Moore? Her devotional Breaking Free Day By Day has meant a lot to me.
God's hands are so gentle. I shy away from letting Him touch the hurting places, but He doesn't make them worse; He soothes and heals them. It's amazing every single time.
I need healing. I am working finding it through Christ. It is a long, painful process. I long to be in peace again and I know that someday that will come. Until then, please pray.
His Healing Power is AwESOME!!! pRAISE BE TO God almighty, who Knows every hair on our heads! Every healing process has been wonderful, and it's still a process in all of us. I still need healing in some areas I did'nt even know existed, but I believe our God will heal every open wound. His Love is Amazing!
God gave me this verse when He healed me to reconfirm that I was fully healed and fully cleansed.
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
Ezekiel 36:26
God is so compassionate and loves us with everlasting love! How awesome is He! I'm glad that you are healed! Bless you!
I have definitely had some inner healing over the years, and think I am probably ready for some more..... I find that often the Lord deals with me like he would an Onion. Stripping off one stinky layer at a time.....
I pray your healing will continue... deep!
@mamma_sez - Thank you. The onion analogy is exactly how I see it. My mom is always bringing that up when I start to get hyper about getting right to the center; she reminds me that there are progressive layers that God has been getting through.
If you're ready for more, go for it! You know He's waiting with open arms.
@misspoppy - I think that if he was to strip it all away in one go, we would be crying for our layers back.
Yes I really need to look into something here, I am quite unfamiliar with where to find anything like that here in the UK, I doubt my church would cater for it.
"The thoughts I am thinking and the peaceful love I am experiencing are not from me."
Of course they are! That statement says to me that you're opening yourself up to God's love and wisdom. However, you also seem to think Satan's out to get you. Is that because you've opened yourself up and given away your own power?
When I need healing, I look within myself. If you continue to externalize your own power ("I am NOTHING! It's all GOD!"), you'll be on this roller coaster for years to come.
It doesn't make sense to me that a person in need of help should have to pray until they're empty; an all-knowing god should know you need help. And giving away your power doesn't seem to be a very wise move, either... especially if you think the devil is lurking around every corner. Trust in yourself. Love yourself. You have to do that before anyone else can. And wouldn't a loving god want you to love one of his creations?
I could say a lot, but I'll say this.
In Psalm 87, we see that God is surrounded by clouds and thick darkness, with lightning and peals of thunder coming from around his throne.
Figurative? Probably. But it never made sense to me how a supposed God of light could be surrounded by darkness.
Aside from the paradoxical nature of God, I think it means this:
At some point of life, God will call you into that darkness surrounding him. He will kick all of your props out from under you and ask you to forget everything you've ever heard about him -- from your family, your friends, your church, your pastors, your religion, even yourself -- and beckon you to come after him.
After stumbling about in the darkness a bit, he will take your hand and lead you through the stormy darkness to himself. A calm place where he can show you who he is to you. It's something you'll be able to hold onto for a long time, something that will continue to evolve and blow your mind for a long time.
So I encourage you to keep an open mind. The highs invariable turn into lows. We live life more in the valleys than on the mountaintops. Remember that God never promised that it would be a bed of roses, and it's not about being whole, or perfect, or always holding the "negative" feelings at bay.
It's about trust, and learning to trust yourself, as well as him.
@pastor_j@xanga - I know what you're talking about. I've been without props, and no doubt I will be again, However, I believe God wants every single one of His children to be whole emotionally and to be delivered eternally from unhealthy fears and life-controlling anxiety. I don't believe Christianity is meant to be lived in defeat, but in the joy of communion with God. I've dealt with some dark nights and wept at personal altars. By His grace I've learned to know Him. And now He, totally graciously, removed some of the blocks in my way. I've learned to weep on His breast through physical and emotional pain and to cling to Him through the loss of mental and spiritual assurance. There is nothing now that can tear me away. Praise God. He is. And there is nothing like Him.
I'm curious what you mean about learning to trust yourself. My first reaction is to disagree, but I want to understand what you mean.
Did Romans 12:1-2 (on renewing of the mind) come into play for you?
@WLCALUM@xanga - YES!
I've felt healing...emotionally
it was one of the most sincerest most beautiful experiences in my life.
I was depressed and going thru a horrid end of a relationship. I was in school, and i was teary eyed and started reading my Word. A path of light formed to the floor and touched my feet. I felt like God was touching me with his warm embrace....all i could think of at that point was
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path"
=D ...God is Good
but today I've totally experienced emotional healing today.
Today I've been able to experience how far God's Love and Grace can just stretch for us.
No matter what sin we've had in the past.
It totally awes me.
And just wants me to stay this way
and not get hindered from focusing on Him only again.
ever.
and it's actually really ironic reading the verse 2 Corinthians 5:17 at the end of your entry :)
B/c i read that yesterday and prayed Psalms 25:1-7 because I was so troubled but yea
just thanks for the post i guess.
and i'm happy that you've been able to find healing from God :)
New heart, New mind. so true.
It's a great feeling isn't it? :)
wow some of my sentences don't make any sense but bare with me....it's super late.
ahaha.
God Bless :)
I have not, any healing...physically or otherwise has come from my own strength, granted it can often be bolstered by the support and care of loved ones, but still...I can recognize that it's by my own grace, not some imaginary figures.
Abba has healed me of many emotional wounds, but there are so many more that need healing. One of the most amazing things I find is that once I've let Him address them I worry a lot less and am more comfortable in my own skin. I'm able to love more freely and think more clearly. Its an instantaneous thing.
As far as physical healings go, I was privileged to be on of two people praying over a close friend when Abba healed him of asthma and scoliosis. I've rarely heard of those things being healed. Modern science says asthma can't be healed, only controled.
Our Father is magnificent!
wow... *hug*