Saturday, 13 September 2008
Yesterday was sooooo frustrating for so many reasons. While I could go into intense detail describing each seemingly horrific incident that successfully annoyed me, it's both unproductive and not necessary; especially when I now know the true source of my irritation: I gained weight this week -and not just a little bit, 4 lbs, and it just really upset me.
I'm currently on Weight Watchers and we "weigh in" once a week, so while I had previously lost a little over 11 lbs over the past 2 months, today was a major setback for me. I'm an emotional eater, so true to form, I ate something at Jack in the Box for "breakfast" and then further hurt myself by going to a local fried chicken joint later in the afternoon and drowning my sorrows in an industrial sized sweet tea and a slice of sweet potato pie (and also, chicken, of course).
When I got online later to track what I had eaten, I realized that I had eaten my daily points allowance as well as almost all of the weekly points allowance, which upset me further. The end result was that I was very cranky and just an all around lousy person to be around today.
When I allowed myself to think about it further, this past week was also stressful as I had to cope with confrontations regarding an ex boyfriend and an ex friend -I think it's safe to say that most encounters with exes of any kind are generally unpleasant--and I was almost beside myself trying to make sure I reacted in a way that was pleasing to God instead of my own carnal desire to pitch one of my infamous fits. I replayed each day in my mind and saw myself making bad food choices as comfort for an argument gone wrong and/or rewards for not completely going off on the people who I felt deserved it. I put myself in a deadly cycle which result in my "mini meltdown" today.
But, in spite of all this, I'm still finding something to be thankful for. First, I didn't gain back all the weight I lost, so while it is indeed a setback, it's not the end of the world. Second, I have identified the problem, so I can go to God in prayer about stressful situations instead of eating -asking for wisdom for me to identify the destructive behavior BEFORE it starts. Even more comforting than the slice of sweet potato pie is knowing that God loves me and He understands my frustrations and doesn't condemn me for making bad decisions. I'll be okay -slow and steady wins the race.
Are you an emotional eater or do you fall back on a certain behavior when you feel down?