Saturday, 13 September 2008
-
Marriage Vows - Powerful Words That Embody What Marriage Is About
by mrs plumeria
I'm back and now as a MRS! Now that I'm married, I'm starting to understand how important and significant it is to say the marriage vows in church under God with all your family and friends. Before, it seemed more like a script that everyone said when they got married. But during our ceremony, it became more real to me how powerful these words are and why it embodies what marriage is about.
"I, (Name),
Take you, (Name),
To be my (wife/husband);
To have and to hold,
From this day forward,
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish,
'Till death do us part."When our pastor said that we're making these vows to each other under God, it became a covenant that was sealed and placed before God. So far, marriage has been fun and easy, but I pray that God will help us during the tough times that are ahead of us.
For the married folks- how did you feel when you said your vows? For everyone- what do marriage vows means to you?
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (37)
If I ever get married, I definitely want to write my own! But yeah, they're important. It's a symbol of eternal committment and love.
they are very important, it feels to me, that they seal you together with your other half, its irrevocable and so very personal, between the two of you. What you see when looking into the others eyes and what you feel when saying the words to them, its doesnt matter that other people are there, its between you and your spouse, not anyone else they just get to watch.
congrats
I got married about nine weeks ago. We used those as our standard vows, and then moved behind a makeshift altar of kneeling benches and said, as a couple, a set of vows to dedicate our family's service to God and the kingdom. Those vows were pretty much just yanked out of Romans 12, but it was a beautiful service.
I'm afraid that too much is made of the controlling nature of love in wedding services, and too little about marriage as a an aspect of Christian discipleship. Traditional vows don't confirm that "I am in love with Lydia," but that "I vow to love Lydia." How I feel day to day after that is really irrelevant, because I've vowed to love her.
-ND
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - hope you'll consider each of
you and yours religion's words suggested - like the meeting
you have with the Rector. It's the right thing to do.
I believe values between you and you faith should be similar.
I would not be so anal about "personal" suggestions.
Really, it just doesn't matter
Frankly...Saying my vows is only a cloudy memory, since I can only really remember my hubby having this brilliant boyish grin the whole time and I was crying ( from happiness, of course!)
I've been married almost nine months now. Things are still smooth saining (for the most part), and I kinda hope it stays that way for a long time... Then again, there are no kids in the picture yet. Just a puppy!
God bless your marriage!
So far, marriage has been fun and easy, but I pray that God will help us during the tough times that are ahead of us.
Dear sister,
By God's grace alone you will get through–for indeed there will be tough times...Take it from one's who been married almost 26 years, each and every day by His keeping power and all to His glory!
Numbers 6:24-26.
You can thank the Church of England for those marriage vows
I do know one thing though - I wish someone had told me before I got married, that making marriage vows and the ceremony of getting married and such was never truly biblical. I wish someone had told me that marriage vows, in reality, are very VERY difficult promises to keep. I wish I'd known they were more than just "common sense because we were in love and I didn't see us ever not being in love anyway".
My lesson learned is: I will never again make long term promises to anyone in my life about anything. If I could go back in time, I would have made more realistic vows about what's really important, and I would have found some way to enter into a marriage agreement with my husband that didn't have me making all these promises that would bind me to the worst.
@BohemianLamb - You should go here:
http://www.xanga.com/Hecalmsthestorm
and read the Sept. 9th post.
My husband and I wrote our own wedding vows, and we patterned one of the lines in the vowels after ancient Near Eastern covenant ceremonies. For those who might not be aware, typical covenant making included cutting an animal in half, both parties walking through the pieces of the animal and swearing "May the Lord do with me and more (i.e. kill me and splice me like what we did to this animal) if I don't uphold the covenant." In our vows, we swore, "May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death removes me from your side." That line has served as a wonderful reminder to me that I am committed to my husband, and no matter how angry we ever may get with one another, in the end, we remember that we basically asked God to kill us if we don't follow through with our intentions to remain with one another.
Marriage vows are often misunderstood as being a mere contract -- a 50/50 agreement in which each person agrees to do their part. However, the marriage vows are much more than that; they are a covenant before God -- a 100/100 commitment to stay together until death ends the relationship.
Of course, both sides of that 100/100 commitment depend on the relationship of the spouse and God. In other words, the resources necessary for each spouse being able to keep the 100% commitment to marriage cannot be found in either spouse. Each spouse can only find those resources in God. But because God's resources in this regard are limitless, it is always possible to keep the vows, as long as one is depending on God and not simply on one's own resources.
I love it when people use the tradition vows. They are a COVENANT and that's the whole point...
When people write cutesy vows like "I promise to make you smile, and always see the best in you"...it just doesn't have the same covenantal implications.
@mendicantmelly@xanga -
Cutting an animal in half as a sign of the covenant is a perfect picture of Christ.
The thing I remembered at the time that I got married, and then again when the marriage died, is that there were three of us making vows. So, when my spouse abandoned his, and others would urge me to do the same (ie: date others while I was still legally married) I knew there was no way I was going to give up on the only one who would keep His promise.
That might make marriage sound like a bad choice; but even with a bad marriage that phased frequently into different kinds of abuse (we both really reeeeally tried and made changes), it was still a wonderful way to live. There's nothing like the team work of a day when things are going well, and nothing like having someone nearby when you need to talk.
Just always believe that the enemy hates a Christian marriage, and I dearly hope you and your husband will always get objective and skilled help if you can't solve an important conflict within a week.
I also want to offer my sincere and excited congratulations to you and your husband!
@BohemianLamb - To me it sounds like your husband obviously broke his vows to you, which caused you to have leave for your own safety.
I don't think that you are in any way obligated to remain in an abusive relationship like that. A marriage is a covenant. Each person has a part to play, as it were. It's obviously that he's failed miserably. And it's also obvious that we're not simply talking about someone who is a "good guy" but is merely not perfect. He's not someone who's trying to do the right thing.
I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. This is totally messed up (not like I need to tell you that though). I hope that you have a good support system to help you through all of this. I know that it's cliche and can sound cheesy/corny, but I'm praying for you. I know that regardless of how horrible this situation is, God can still take care of you.
I can't wait til I get married and have a family on my own, but I not only pray God sends me my soul-mate, but that when He does I will be living those vows, so that I will have saved everything for him!
@BohemianLamb - There are many things we can easily take for granted until it is lost. There is no guarantee for anything until we vow to keep it sacred. A freedom that's given to us can easily be taken away if we don't appreciate it.
I think that the vow is secondary to making a lifelong commitment. It adds more meanings and bonding to the marriage with wonderful memories. But it's not sacred unless it is well-kept by the person that makes the saying.
A wedding vow, I believe is often mistook for something it's not. And the only way I learned this was from my earthly father as I spoke with him in preparation for my own wedding day. My earthly father was in his third marriage (not someone you would likely take wedding advice from), but having watched all three marriages (and the time of desert in between) i knew that God had changed him.
It was during that time of desert he was at a friends wedding and during their vows he was listening to them promise each other this and that and in his unrighteous anger thought to himself, "sure, until she gets angry. that's when you need to pull her vows out and hold them up in front of her face." The Holy Spirit stepped in and whispered in his ear, "no, that's when you need to pull out your own vows and remember what you have promised."
Something else he shared with me is that the covenant you make on that day is not with your spouse but with your Heavenly Father about your spouse.
In preparation I had written my own vows promising to love my husband....but as I thought about it, I could not love my husband. It is not humanly possible to make those promises. As I was sharing this with earthly father, he said I was right. And that is why I make the covenant anyway. Then I am forced by my covenant with God to rely on HIM to love him.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. It's pretty late and I'm pretty tired, but wanted to comment because I feel like God taught me a lot while I was writing out my vows/my covenant.
My husband and I created a contemporary huppah (Jewish canopy-look it up) and had those at our wedding sign it. It is a symbol of God's covering not only on your wedding day but throughout your marriage. Those signing it were signing their own covenant vowing to lift us and our marriage up in prayer. We in turn wrote our vows at the top and it now hangs in our bedroom. And I am faithful, in my anger, to go into our bedroom and on my knees or on my face, read through my vows written at the top of our huppah (our covering) and my heart breaks and I weep every time. Remembering this life and this love that God has called me to. And every time my anger melts away. I am humbled. And HE is glorified.
I don't know why I've rambled on so long. I hope it blessed somebody. If you want to know more, just message me or something.
My marriage vows are some of the most powerful and important words that I have ever uttered in my life. I told my husband how I felt about that too before we got married. I want us to live by our vows and hold one another in the highest reguard. So far, we are a year into our marriage (next week that is!) and we have had our share of ups and downs, hard and easy times, and I wouldnt change any of it for the world. I love, honor, and cherish my husband and my wedding vows
Congratulations! It's a promise made to each other with all the witnesses and God is the biggest witness of all. And i'm sure He won't want to see a broken marriage =D
marriage vows are a binding promise. you are giving and taking a part of yourself and a part of the person you are wanting to spend the rest of your life with.
Can't handle those vows.....too selfish!!
@BohemianLamb - I know this is a controversial subject, but don't be too hard on yourself. While I still believe in Christian marriage and the commitment it is supposed to be, I realize that we are in the real world and it's full of sin, not to mention that some of us ended up making commitments to men who were emotionally abusive and hid behind the fact that they were doing the right "Christian" things. Their hearts were not in it. I tried to save my bad situation for years, feeling that I wasn't allowed to get out, and finally realized that it was either get out or be emotionally destroyed at the age of 30. I would rather be free than be in a situation where I was bitter, defeated, possibly easily tempted to cheat if someone realized I was vulnerable, and wasn't doing any good for anybody, not to mention had no future, because I knew I could never bring kids into such a relationship. I wouldn't have wanted to keep up a facade of "our wonderful marriage" for the rest of my life knowing the whole thing was warped. I gave my ex as much preparation as possible and tried to do it nicely, then stepped out the door and gave the Lord the rest of my life, to see what He could do with me, promising Him I would take whatever it was.
What I found was a life free of my ex, a better prayer life, better relationships with friends and family, and a sweet younger guy who showed up in my life much sooner than I expected to be my companion. I thank the Lord every day for giving me another chance. I'm about to be taking marriage vows again... which is scary and makes me feel like running away, because I certainly feel like I can't mess up this time, but it was planned this way for a reason and this way I still have time in my life to have the family I wanted, to fulfill what I can be as a person. He has been through disability and trauma in his life and I have helped him get to a lot better place in his own life as well. It's not always the easiest situation, and I hope not to face too much temptation along the way thinking other situations could be easier, but... we pray together and at least I know we are both tuned in to the Lord. Much better than the person who didn't pray with me but once thought he owned me and, when I got upset, just tried to coerce me to give him my body and told me I was going to hell.
Life is complicated. We know how we're supposed to live and hope to live. There is sin. There is forgiveness. We are created to fulfill a purpose, not just sit there with unfulfilled potential and bitterness bragging about how much better we're following the rules than the next person. I'm posting this so people know there is hope and it's not always as black and white as you might think. Pray for guidance for your own self and do not be afraid to accept blessings.