Wednesday, 27 August 2008
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Generational Sin: How Do I Prevent Making the Same Mistakes My Dad Made?
Since getting counseling at my church, I've been examining my relationship with my dad and his own childhood as well. Through this process, I've become even more thankful to God that despite circumstances, he has helped me find my way to him. My ancestry really was not conducive at all to becoming a Christian. It is riddled with alcoholism, cheating, concubines (when it was legal), divorce, neglect, greed, and not to mention, Buddhism (common in most Asian backgrounds).
I'm thankful that God reached out to me despite the deep-rooted sin running in my family lines, however I'm starting to realize that although God rescued me from these things, my family (present and future) is not completely free of them. I am not married and do not have any children, but one day I will. I've become more aware of the power of sin and that it really can seep through generations unless a conscious effort is made to give them to God and have them eradicated completely.
My dad was not the best dad, and I am learning to forgive him for this. But how do I prevent myself from making the same mistakes that he made? I am a social drinker, but am very cautious with alcohol. However, that doesn't make me immune to alcoholism. And how will I treat my future marriage to keep it healthy and safe from cheating, divorce, etc.? On top of all this, what will my future spouse bring to our relationship in terms of sin from his family?
All these questions make me afraid to get married and have kids, but I am taking hope in the fact that God is my Redeemer. I believe that if I surrender these things to him now, and recognize that I am susceptible to repeat the sins of my fathers, he will start the process of healing and restoration and eventually free me from the chains of generational sin. My hope and dream is that my future family and the generations to come will be God-fearing people who don't have to carry the burden of my or my ancestors' mistakes. I believe blessings can last for generations too, and that's what I want for my future lineage.
Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself as I'm not even dating anyone at the moment , but I think it's worth giving some thought at any stage in life.
So what are your thoughts on generational sin? How has it affected your own life?
Or conversely, have you experienced an echo of the blessing God gave one of your ancestors?
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Comments (42)
I believe that when we are saved we are a new creature in Christ. Old things are passed away. All things are become new. The bible also says that we have been delivered from the powers of darkness and translated into the kingdom of God. We may still have struggles with certain sins, but they don't have power over us. We can overcome them through the blood of Jesus, repentance, submitting to God's will, and the power of the Holy Spirit.
Ezekiel 18:20 tells us, “The soul who sins is the one who will die. The
son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share
the guilt of the son.”
There's no such thing as a generational sin for us. There is such a thing as a generational curse, which is different in that we are susceptible to the same sins our parents and great-grandparents were. So God doesn't punish us for sins that we don't commit ourselves.
Learn from the mistakes, I suppose. As cruel as it sounds, I learned what-not-to-do sometimes from watching my father. When I was old enough to understand Jesus, I just held the two in contrast. I love my father very much, no doubt about it. But I just wish he would surrender everything to God.
This is what I think:
I like that you are beginning to forgive your father of the sins he committed against you during your upbringing. I hope that you can forgive him, the way that you might want to be forgiven from your (future) children.
I think that all of this is not about being a perfectionist. We are not better than our fathers and our ancestors, we are one of the same all susceptible to similar sins. The difference can be forgiveness, grace, and of course, as you mentioned, sanctification.
There's more to my thoughts, but I am pressed for time...
Pray hard for that future family of yours!
I've never really believed in "generational sin". Why would God punish people for something that had no control over?
i personally don't believe in the idea of generational sin... due in part because sin has been broken at the Cross...
i know the arguement that God will visit the sin of the third and fourth generations... but if that verse is read in context there would be a better understanding of it...
but Jesus died for ALL sin... past, present, and future and all who recieve Jesus is freed from the condemnation sin brings and the curse of sin is redeemed by the blood of Jesus, our Great God and Savior.
To say, IMHO, that theological there is the sin of generations passed on down by our parents... i think belittles the work of Christ on the Cross and belittles the truth of the power of the Gospel which I think we need to get a basic handle on...
for instance... if my dad was a drunk, then according to the generational sin idea, I will most likely be a drunk... but lets face it... we all of the spiritual genetic propensity for sin... it came from our first father, Adam... but in like where from one man sin entered the world, so to with One Man, redemption came to the world and thus all who would believe on Him would not perish but have everlasting life and those who call upon the Name of Jesus SHALL be saved.... which means... the propensity for me becoming a drunk is broken... because Jesus broke the power of that curse on my life...
i never wanna belittle that because of an ominous title that people are hovering over each other.... we all have a propensity to sin because we are all generations of Adam... but isn't that why Christ came to earth to die for the sins of all the generations???
It's not that the exact sin is passed on to the children, it's that the learned behavior is passed on. I fully believe in generational sins, because I've seen the proof of it in my own family, heritage and progeny.
For my family, one major sin is sexual immorality. Another is arrogance and pride. I would almost say that the second set is worse than the first one, because it permeates to every part of our lives and it's more subtle. While sexual immorality is so visual and touches more sensitive nerves, pride can run deep without any detection. I think it is important to recognize that while we each struggle with different sins on our own, independent from the rest of our family, there are sins that we do share especially with our immediate relatives. The first sin I mentioned was my father's, and it has continued on through my eldest sister, and I fear to her oldest son, but that hasn't happened yet and the rest of our family is taking measures to try to stop it. The issue of pride and arrogance (mixed with stubbornness) is from both of my parents, which makes it the biggest giant we face as a family.
Look at your own family and pray that God will show you what your generational sin is, everyone has one. I have determined that the first will not have its effect in my life, but the other two are a little more difficult to pin down. But God promises great blessings to those who overcome sin, so get to it!
@leadworshipper82 - I don't think the danger in alcoholism is necessarily the alcohol. It's the "escapism" and the self-pleasure that is the sin. That behavior is learned by a child. And whereas the father might use alcohol to aid in his way to escape his reality, the child may indulge himself in comic books, or in RPG's, or the daughter might immerse herself in her romantic relationships (or romantic fantasies). It's not necessarily the action itself that is the sin (while the actions can be sins too), but the motives behind the actions that is more likely the generational sin...the learned behavior that has been passed by father, or mother, to children for years.
Just an example. And I fully believe that we, as Christians, have the power of Christ's blood to redeem our own bloodline and be sanctified. But it takes works and a kind of introspection that not many people are willing to do. And it takes forgiveness...an enormous amount of forgiveness.
I agree with those who say that the sinful past need not affect the future.
@xapatotheworld - granted... but so say that a newborn is predisposed due to the father or the mother's accursed-ness to be addicted to porn or alcohol or a violent past... i think yes can be an escapist mentality but to place this idea and say that a born-again believer and follower of Christ is held to it because of what the sins of the fathers are like... that is where i say nay...
example... say my dad has the "generational curse" of addiction to drugs.... his grandad smoked opium, and his did coke and so on and my dad (ARBITRARY) say puffed the magic dragon so to speak... now for me being a reciever of the Gospel and of Christ Himself wherein I embrace, acknowledge, proclaim Christ as mine for Salvation and Lord, i'm not bound by even the effects of the past...
at least that is what I think people mean when they talk about generational sins... that if your father was a drunk, then most like you'll suffer the same drunken habits he did....
that is what i FUNDAMENTALLY disagree with...
In my family, alcoholism is every other generation which is alarming because I am the next in line. My dad isn't an alcoholic but my grandfather and my great great grandfather were. I'm assuming that it is because if you see your dad drinking all the time and it affecting his life, you won't do it yourself but if you don't see that then you won't fully understand the effects.
really good topic. I went through a bit of this stuff in deliverance sessions a couple months ago. I remember praying over different things that were passed down and "breaking them off". So all those things you mentioned would be good to pray over, and then I'd look into finding a list that's used in ministry like that. Ask God to reveal those things to you as well. Ultimately though it does come down to you and your own decisions. And God will never give you any sort of temptation by which you cannot find a way out. And from reading all of those things you've listed, not only will God provide a way out, but apparently God also trusts you with a lot! As "Christians", the church has it mixed up. It's like you're the "perfect christian" if you don't struggle with anything. That's a straight up lie! Completely unbiblical. God uses the broken and if you can fight all of that, then to you I say "Well done, good and faithful servant". Blessings!
sin does not equal consequence. i might suffer because of my parents' mistakes... that does not mean i carry the burden for them as well.
@leadworshipper82 - I'm not denying that Christ has power over these generational sins. I'm saying that "generational sin" is the learned behavior of the parents being acted upon by the children. You can see the continuance of kinds of sins in certain family lines because they have not recognized it as such and have not taken steps to ensure that it stops with their parents.
Now, I said that my family struggles with pride. It's an issue that any person can struggle with, but my family has practiced life in such a way that makes the learned behavior easy to duplicate, being a child in the family. Most of my family is Christian, however, they did not recognize, or chose not to deal with, the issue of pride in their own lives, and therefore, it was learned by their children...not stopped by their children...and then passed on to their grandchildren, as learned behavior. It's not to say that my father, born of proud parents, immediately was cursed with the sin of pride. No, he was born into a social situation where it was more than likely for him to pick up this characteristic from his parents. When he became a Christian, he had the choice to address this sin issue in his life, but chose not to, and so has passed it on to his children. I believe God is still working on him though, and one day, he will be a perfect creature in Christ (the process of sanctification is both immediate and on-going, leading to glorification).
There are other sins, however, of the parents that do have lasting effects on the children, regardless of what the children may do. Like, mothers who do crack while pregnant run the risk of their child being dependent on crack themselves and having serious medical and social problems. In that case, very concretely, can you say that the acts of the father (mother in this case) have been passed on to the children. But it's not always concrete. What I'm trying to get at is that there are tendencies toward certain kinds of sin in a family that can be attributed to learned behavior, passed on from parent to child over generations.
Again, I'm NOT saying that a child of an alcoholic is automatically going to be judged by God as being an alcoholic themselves. It is something that the child should guard himself against, as the writer of this blog is expressing. But, I think alcoholism is not so much a source of sin but as a fruit of another sin issue. And I've already mentioned what "root" sins could lead to alcoholism in the previous comment.
I'm encouraged that you are recognizing your responsibility in living rightly before God. You are beginning to see that despite your past and family's past, you have to deal with your life now and take steps to align your life to His. You are beginning to see that as you identify and own your own issues, you can deal with them and process them and be free of them.
But its not an easy journey. Surely not something that just a few bloggers can answer in a short text box. While in one sense it's going to be a lifelong journey, you are rightly realizing there are some things you can do now. I won't pretend to know about what that should look like exactly, since I don't know you, but might I suggest that you look for resources (people and authors) who can direct you through areas you are concerned about, people who can walk along side you rather than people who just like to give advice. Truly the body of Christ is supported by other parts of the body.
To me, I think to ignore the reality of sin's effect from the past is foolish, even sin from generations past. It has a sure negative effect. Some of it becomes more evident as we live longer. For instance, I've started to see that the way I process anger in my life is similar to my dad. It's not to blame him, because it's my issue now, and it's something I still have to work on. Likewise, there are many giftings to be thankful for that also came from your family. God chose your family to pass those good things to you.
And as a child of God, all things work for your good...oh how hard that is to hold on to when facing how messed up we are!
Ps. 40: 17 Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.
I can not overemphasize Romans 12:1-2 enough when it comes to this situation. ("Be transformed by renewing your mind.")
We are all tempted to be "in the world", but it is not imperative that we be "of the world"
We can acknowledge sins and weaknesses that are similar to those of relatives from previous generations, and admit we have struggles, too, but another reference (James 1) indicates we are responsible for falling into our own sin.
There is no such thing as generational sin. Only generational choices. Families continue in sin because they make the same bad choices. But we break the cycle by making good choices. This even works in the non-Christian sphere, so how much more as a Christian where old things are past away and all things become new. You're not under the same curse as your parents. Christ has set you free. So stand in that feeedom an make good choices!!
Here is what I've learned from what I've seen.Generational sin is real and even Biblical;"And he shall visit the sins of the Fathers to the children unto the third and fourth generations".Ex 20:5.
The good news is that Jesus' death on the cross frees us from the curse of the law so when we acknowledge the sin and take it to the cross,the power of that curse is broken and we are free.
As my Dad is a pastor I have seen the power of the cross work over and over.So take it to Jesus at the cross and live in freedom!
There are ways to cut the chords of generational sins. Seeking them out and exposing them to the light is the first step, which you appear to have done. The next step is to forgive those in your family who have damaged you with these sins of ommission or commission once you realize that they didn't get the same opportunity to understand their family dynamics the way you do, nor did they have anyone walking them through the breaking of these bonds.
Forgiveness may be a lifelong process as all the wounds of a lifetime take time to come up. But as you do so you can allow Abba to reparent you. He has adopted you, now you have the opportunity to adopt Him back. Let Him mentor you in all things, especially how to respond to your emotional reactions. Let Him develop new tracks for your heart's train to run on.
As you continue to do these three things, hunt down the hurts, forgive the perpetrator, and let your Father provide what is missing or messed up, you will find yourself becoming a new creature indeed! And the bonds of generational sin will be broken in your part of the family line.
@xapatotheworld - well for the most part i think the idea presented in this post about generational sin is different than the conditioned learning of a child observing the sin of a parent.... that's not generational sin as far as how it's been understood... that's the whole notion of nature VS nurture to which I'm not quite understanding of in that aspect...
but isn't pride an issue with everyone and not just rooted in generations? it is the original sin which made Lucifer fall...
@christianfarmer@xanga - continue reading the whole verse not just that chunk... that particular verse is talking about God visiting the sins of the generations of those who HATE God... and this is in context to the 10 Commandments which in verse 4 God is referencing to the first commandment: You Shall Have No Other gods Before Me. God continues to go on to say that nothing is to be served but Yahweh, nothing else should be loved more than Yahweh because He is a jealous God... which then in verse 5, God goes on to say that He will visit every generation of God-haters... verse 6 contrasts that for every generation that loves Him and keeps His commandments He will show grace...
I don't believe in generational sin ... However, generations curses I do believe in. As well as generational blessings.
@bloggerguy08@xanga - you are right to the point that we are all accountable for our own sins ... however, generational curses and blesses do exist. (example, the Israelites) ...
i've definitely experienced it, and i think that if i had been able to focus on God and his plan for my life more than my own self-pity, i would have made some better choices. my main advice is to keep your eyes on Jesus. realize that you are an idividual, and while we are all products of our environments to some extent, we also have free will. only by God's strength can we break the cycle of sin, whether it be ours or our forefathers. seek God in ALL things. as for dating/marriage, you could check out a few of these (click the link) for some great books to read that might give you some insight for the future. often it's best to read these kinds of books before you are actually in a relationship.
That is true that it says 'of them that hate' and he promises mercy to them that love him.
Of course only someone not in love with God would commit the sins that would bring the curses,so when someone discovers Gods love and they repent for where they committed the same sins and ask him to remove the curse;They come under the promised blessing.