Thursday, 14 August 2008

  • Could You Marry a Preacher? How 'Bout Date a Priest-in-Training?

    marigold by miss marigold

    preacherswife While growing up, our parish priest would often inject little quips about his past love life (pre-priesthood, of course) into the homily. They were always a variation of, "While then-girlfriend was pressuring me to make a decision of entering the ceremony..." and "After I told my girlfriend I wanted to be a priest for sure...."

    It wasn't until I entered college that I knew, or knew of, girls within the community who were actually *dating* future priests. Some of these guys had already entered seminary and were in the "period of discernment" (as in, they weren't officially priests yet, but they were getting pretty close), others were dating guys who were entertaining the idea of joining the priesthood, and still others dated guys who'd let go of their lifetime dream of joining a religious order once they got a girlfriend.

    Then there was that "reality" show a couple of years back, "God Or The Girl?", which documented the lives of four guys who were training to become Catholic priests. While I never caught the ending of show, I do remember feeling as if the guys were sincere in completing their training...yet sincere about their love for the girls. And it's not like those girls were thinking of leaving, either...

    This really got me thinking about two things: Firstly, would I date a guy who's trying to choose between me and the priesthood, and secondly, would I even be attracted to a church leader I could feasibly marry in the first place (such as a Protestant pastor?) 

    I mean, I can see why some girls would be attracted to the priests-in-training. I'm not gonna lie - the young Jesuits at my college are not only intelligent, but their devout love for the Lord and their propensity for leadership make for some pretty attractive forbidden fruit. While I'm positive I don't have the emotional strength to maintain a relationship with a guy who may just take a vow of celibacy, I've considered the prospect of marrying a pastor were the opportunity to arise.

    I mean, I've met girls who go for pastors, specifically. It's not that surprising, as many of us have in mind an ideal profession for a spouse. It's about about your taste, and if you're a Christian, I suppose, your calling.

    I'm attracted to the personal qualities a church leader would (hopefully) possess, but I hesitate to say that I'm wired for the responsibilities his job would entail. Could I withstand the scrutiny of an entire congregation? Would I get jealous of the time my husband spent with them instead of with me? Could I live knowing I probably would never get extravagantly rich? Could we challenge and grow each other in our faith? I sometimes think I've become way too secular in my lifestyle and thinking to be compatible with a pastor.

    Unless Jesus appears at my bedside tonight and tells me straight up that I should marry a pastor, I can safely say that I don't feel called to marry a minister. As far as dating a guy who wants to be a priest goes, in my opinion, that's a lot of potential heartache I'd rather avoid experiencing.

    I'd love to hear some other opinions - can you see yourself marrying a pastor? Guys, would you date/marry a prominent female church leader or clergywoman?

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Comments (48)

  • cllns_smm@xanga

    Good point, friend. You got a pretty good and humorous point.


    S.C.
  • NavajoPrincess27@xanga

    I've been married for nearly 5 years so now I wouldn't consider marrying a pastor,  BUT My grandmother is a preachers wife and seeing everything she had to go through I wouldn't have before I was married either.  There is so much that goes on "behind the scenes" that pastor's wives have to do/deal with and it's very tough.  I am a military wife and everyone says we have a tough job, but I'm gonna say a pastor's wife may have us beat.
  • helpmetoLOVE@xanga

    @NavajoPrincess27@xanga - Can you elaborate please? I'm curious what it is "that goes on 'behind the scenes'" as you put it. Not to mention, you said that pastors wives might have military wives beat, which surprises me! :)
  • shiotheway@xanga

    i am wondering how you can continue in a relationship with a priest if he's going to take a vow of celibacy. 
  • KArTIEj@xanga

    dating a priest or future priest? that's insane.
  • AGraceB@xanga

    I've dated a seminary student, but he was a Methodist so it wasn't like he would ever have to give me up for God. (Gave me up because I moved away instead...) I don't actually think I would want to be married to a pastor. I don't think I would make a good pastor's wife. I might be ok with it if he were UCC, like I am, because we tend to have less traditional gender/social roles. And I've seen some hot priests-to-be, but no, I don't think I could date one - I would feel like I was constantly trying to lure him away. 
  • mrcolorful@xanga

    Once in a Catholic Mass the priest mentioned how he decided to enter the clergy during his homily.  Apparently he was dating a girl when she told him one night at dinner that he should be a priest.
  • romic@xanga

    Then there are married men in the Church who are later called to study for the Perminant Diaconate. So there are some married Catholic clergy--but not priests or nuns.

  • DoctorDelusional@xanga

    I don't think I could do it...not just because of what you have to do before you are married but the life of a priest or pastor is very stressful and the wife has to be there all the way...it's very hard being a pastor's wife at least at the churches I've been to...they are right there at every gathering, etc. and then you have to be there for all the women of the church. I don't think I could do it.
  • meadow_clock@xanga

    I personally would not marry a pastor because I couldn't handle the stress, constant events or that marry people! However I do believe that some are perfectly capable g being married to a pastor. the wife of the pastor at the church I attend is a very fun-lorry, energetic and arraying woman. She's been through a lot recently but is always wanting to be there for the church family, even when sere was pregnant and broke her leg!

     Basically, I think that most women are afraid G being married to a pastor, such as myself, while others will revel in knowing here much they will be able to help their husband do God's work.
  • mariahatescupcakes@xanga

    First off, I'm against "dating", so no in the circumstance.
    Secondly, I think it is ridiculous that catholic priests take a vow of celibacy. It is clear that for most men, God wants them to marry and start a family. Only in rare cases are men never suppose to marry. So, no in that case also.
  • ADClark@xanga

    One of the first things that they tell you when your considering the preisthood is that if you could see yourself doing anything else and being happier doing it, or if you could see yourself with someone and being happier with them... dont become a preist or you'll be miserable.  I know this from experience. 

  • hubbaduh@xanga

    Regarding the documentary, the guys WEREN'T actually training to become priests...they were deciding if that was their calling.


    What?  Misinformation on Revelife regarding something within the Christian community?!  I'm shocked!!  Oh wait...this happens all the time...
    /cheesy sarcasm
  • Pass_the_Aura@xanga

    If I'm not mistaken, Anglican priests are allowed to marry, and "high-church" Anglicanism is pretty close to Catholicism theologically.  Perhaps a change of denomination is in order...

  • brerjohn_lives@xanga

    Perhaps a re-evaluation of the idea of a single "senior" leader of a congregation is in order... since the model in the NT is that of a team of "elders" or "bishops" over a church in a city.

    But that throws out the whole notion that any other kind of grouping within a city, regardless its leadership structure, is scriptural.

    We live in odd times.
  • Ancient_Scribe@xanga

    I think you would enjoy or at least find interesting my blog posts from mid-April to the present.


    Which Jesuit university are you attending? After I take my Vows tomorrow, I'll be headed to St. Louis University to study philosophy.
    And I would never, ever, ever date someone once I had entered novitiate or seminary. What a cruel thing to do not only to the woman who loves you, but also to our Lord to whom one should give their entire heart!
  • oldiesgurl506@xanga

    It's kinda funny seeing some of these reactions, because I am married to a man who is in school for pastoral ministries and wants his own church someday. That was one thing he asked me even before we started dating, was could I be with him if he was going to be a shrink or a pastor? And no matter what the person is going for, if you say you love them, and really mean it, it shouldn't matter what profession they feel called to. But so far, it is working out well, and he has his Nazarene local license already. 
  • lauralen@xanga

    It's not that surprising, as many of us have in mind an ideal profession for a spouse.


    A profession for a spouse pre-decided? That seems pretty much insane to me. Can't say I've thought about it. I guess there are extremes I might avoid...contracted assassin, for instance. But...yeah.
  • NavajoPrincess27@xanga

    @mariahatescupcakes@xanga - I'M interested in knowing why you're against dating?
  • Doubledb@xanga

    Hmm, I would think to date/marry the person and not their profession. You may say they are the same, but as a minister myself, I disagree. Is anyone defined soley by thier job? There is so much more to me than being a minister, it is only one part of my life... and I think it is best for any minister to keep things that way - otherwise the church becomes your life and you have no life of your own.

    But thanks for the blog, as a single minister - this gives me hope for my dating life and potential wife in the future (sarcasm included in the previous sentence). 
  • camdenjoneses@xanga

    before I ever met my husband I dated a man who, at the time, said he
    had no inclination for ministry, but I saw it in him (he's now a
    missionary in Africa). it made me think about our future and whether I
    could be a minister's wife. at that time, I felt it was a distinct
    calling that I was comfortable with if God desired it to be so.

    then
    I met my husband, and, while I knew up front that he felt called into
    the ministry, it didn't necessarily make him more attractive to me. it
    wasn't a check mark on my list of requirements or anything like that.

    nonetheless,
    I believe that being a minister's wife is as much a calling as being a
    minister. and I believe God began preparing that in me long before I
    met the minister I was to wed.
  • Amarisa@xanga

    Well, my husband wants to become a Catholic deacon...and I'm down with that.
  • Ancient_Scribe@xanga

    @mariahatescupcakes@xanga - Why do you think it is ridiculous that Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy? I am just curious to know what you know about why they take that vow, and why you think that I am doing something ridiculous tomorrow, which I am but not ridiculous in the way you probably understand it. God bless you!
  • whitni_d86@xanga

    My grandma, God rest her soul, was a preacher's wife. I personally don't think I could do it. But, hey, I might be wrong. For all I know, that's exactly what God has planned for me, and if it were in my destiny I'm sure He'd give me what I needed (patience, etc.) in order to be a preacher's wife. So...yeah. Sorry for rambling. :)
  • JJPrint3rd@xanga

    Putting aside the fact that I have been happily married for 4 years, yes I would have considered being a pastor's wife.
    Before I met my dear hubby.
    Not a lot of women can handle it, I have met some who I wonder why they are pastor's wives.
    In the Bible it says that we are to care for the widows and orphans, and I have always felt the call to do so. Which was part of the reason I always thought I would be a pastor's wife. Now don't get me wrong, I am totally in love with the man I married. But God changed the direction of my heart to being Foster Parents.
    I admire the women who can step up to be a strong pastor's wife.
    After all, pastors need someone to try their sermons out on right? (Kidding!)

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