Thursday, 07 August 2008
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Christians vs. Non-Christians: The Grass is Greener....
Lately, I've been reading and hearing of allegations from jaded believers that Christians are the most judgmental people; I won't get into that yet, but on the flip side, I've also heard claims that non-Christians are the most self-seeking people and I should be careful about putting my trust in them.
Here's my conclusion, via a little life experience and logic: All people are flawed and harbor selfish tendencies. Christians are people. Non-Christians are people. Therefore, neither group is better than the other, and both types of people will probably fail you at one point, though maybe using different methods depending on their background and personalities.
It's no genius deduction, but as the old saying goes, "The grass is greener on the other side." When I'm sick of Christians holding up the "holy measuring stick" against one another and fighting over religious dogma, I start romanticizing my non-Christian friends' (seeming) lack of concern with such matters. When my non-Christian friends give me the "she's crazy" glare after I talk about praying, or when they think I'm a wimp for choosing to not take revenge, I start to miss my Christian friends' more relatable worldview and their acceptance of faith in God.
Christians are not the most judgmental people; yes, maybe some of them are very vocal with their disapproval of certain acts, thus coming across as judgmental, but I think non-Christians can be equally as condemning of things they don't agree with. Judgment is not an exclusively Christian thing, the same way a self-seeking attitude is not an exclusively non-Christian thing. Those are PEOPLE things, human struggles, and no matter how much you glorify one group over the other, they will hurt you at some point. I believe, however, that the really challenging thing about this reality is God's call to love people in spite of what they might do to us.
I actually had this argument with God yesterday when He brought out the people I have yet to forgive. "But why forgive them, God," I asked (rather bitterly, I might add), "if some people mess with me on purpose? I can understand forgiving someone who didn't mean to hurt me, but what about forgiving someone who blatantly uses me?"
And that's when the words that Jesus uttered, while dying on the Cross, came to mind: "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
If even the Son of God could forgive us for what we did to him, than who am I, a silly human, to harbor grudges toward people who were just being people? Moreover, Jesus beckoned God to forgive us even WHILE he was in pain, and while his executors humiliatingly casted lots to divide his clothing. How many times have you told God you'd forgive a person only after you stopped hurting? I know I've done that.
The truth is, the hurt never stops. You forgive a person, you let them loose, and then someone else comes along and hurts you. You separate yourself from one toxic relationship only to find that its replacement has its own negative impact.
Putting complete faith in people's capacity to keep you happy is a means to an end. To put faith in God's ability to work in and reveal himself through people, both in spite of their flaws and via their God-given strengths, is a means to a less bitter, and a more forgiving, understanding of others.
I'd venture to say that logically, if all people are capable of failing us, all people should be given forgiveness; that is, it's not fair to show favoritism to one group or the other, though personally, I have a much more difficult time forgiving fellow believers. But it is not up to me to decide who deserves more punishment or forgiveness.
How much faith do you put in people - and how do you keep bitterness from overwhelming you?
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Comments (65)
I put as much faith in people as they ask for. If they don't ask to be trusted by acting with good morals, then I don't. Anyone who hurts you is not worth being around, no matter how much you feel like you should forgive them. Forgiving someone is not going to make them change, and you shouldn't expect them to.
Wonderful post....
Sometimes, I put too much faith in some people. I learned that I trust some people too easily about 2 years ago. I was going through a rough time (a break up of 3 years) and was talking to people. One guy I met in class, who also knew my best friend, was one of those people. I told him about the break up, how I felt, all that junk about why this had to happen to me. And he seemed to be like a guy who cared enough to help me back on my feet. When my ex came back to town for a friend's party, the guy and her hooked up with each other and I didn't find out until a month later from my ex. And when I confronted him about it, he gave the cold shoulder, denial, lies, everything. To this day and probably for the rest of my life, I despise his behavior, his manipulation of trust I had in him, and it was a wake up call to just not place all my faith into everyone I meet.
Sorry for that long story, but what I'm saying is, Christian or non-Christian, bitterness and forgiveness are two things people can control, but only one at a time. You can't have forgiveness if you are bitter towards them and you can't be bitter after you forgive them.
SUCK MY DICK.
Haha wow, the above comment sure is mature. /sarcasm
Experience has shown me that most people are cruel, malicious, and at the very least not trustworthy. No matter their religion or lack thereof.
I'll be honest--I don't like people. At all. I have very little faith in humanity.
I love and trust individuals but people as a whole? Not a chance. I put no faith in them. I don't know anyone in my position who would.
And yes, I'm bitter. I am very bitter. And angry. And distrustful. I know this. I'm cautious. A lot of people have been judgmental about my bitterness, anger, and lack of faith in people. After I tell them a bit about my past, if I so choose to, they no longer question it and are not surprised.
I don't really put faith in people becuse people suck. Every one does in one way or another think they are better than some one else. Even though I am a Christian I honestly some times think I am better than some one else. That way of thinking is just so wrong ... becuse I am not.
To keep form being bitter I have this idea in life that it could always be worse. That what ever a person has done is going to come back around to them. I try to keep form being bitter by telling my self if the world is going to change then it has to start with me. Revenge is not the way... though human emotions sometimes take over logic.
I totally agree with you! There's no such thing that Christian is better than non believers or vice versa.. Christians sin, we do wrong thing at times too.. and sometimes non believers do good deeds..No one should judge anyone.. Remember that story in the Bible where the prostitue was getting stoned? What did Jesus say? No one is holy and perfect like God
Praise GOD Somebody said we are still People! But God... changed me..
One thought in our hearts compared to fruit trees...
You can't get orange juice from a lemon, So when life squeezes & it will, what comes out of you shows us what kind of fruit we really are....bitter or sweet.
This is such a great post because it is something that is so forgotten in today's society of growing anti-God. I love this because there is so much truth in the fact that christian or not, born again or not, there will be times when our humanity and flesh take over because of weakness. I enjoyed reading this, and can relate with having issues with non-believers(even though I'm supposed to reach out to save them, I sometimes want to reach out and smack them quite honestly when I hear rude, crude comments or jokes about Jesus, and such). Very true, christians are guilty of judging, I'll be the first to admit it. That's when I have to take a step back and let God help out.
"We all deserve to die, even you Misses Lovitt even I" - Sweeney Todd
This quote really sends chills done my spine from the movie and musical Sweeney Todd. Sweeney thinks he has been chosen as the one man to seek revenge on mankind. When in the end he learns the consequences of human revenge. Only God has the power to seek revenge, and He is the perfect Creator. He had the chance to wipe us all out, one swipe and we are all gone. However, He choose mercy, and for that I am forever in debt to Him. We have to leave justice and judgement up to Him. We are called to love and forgive.
As humans we are all prone to mistakes. As a Christian the only thing that seperates me from non-Christians is that I have allowed God to wipe my slate clean with the blood of Christ.
It's so nice to hear that from a Christian. Not that I give them a bad rap, but I don't know many nice ones personally. My mom who is a choir director for her church feels the same way, but my peers don't seem to understand the whole "turn the other cheek" concept. Keep up this attitude, your an amazing person to see all people equal like that. I usually do, but I admit that I sometimes judge. I think everyone should just accept everyone for humans no matter what religion they follow.
I rarely put faith in people. I guess it's the result of time after time being bruised and battered emotionally. There are some people that I would give TOTAL faith to, but I would say that there are only 2 or 3 people I put in that category.
I'm not saying I'm so perfect that I can't trust anyone but myself...but I am saying that I have serious trust issue in what people say they are, and what they do to prove it.
Great post! =)
I put a medium amount of faith in everybody...the default amount. Then I lower it/raise it, depending on how that person acts.
Bitterness...well if it overwhelmed me...
I'd go vent it out to someone that I put a lot of faith in and let it out.
I like to think I assume the best of people most of the time. Obviously everyone makes mistakes but I just find life is too negative if I go around not putting my faith in people. Something I find helps me is to not only think of the fact that everyone is a sinner, but also try and understand an individual's circumstances and where they are coming from. Understanding is generally the way to break down walls with people :)
i looove this post.. and wondering if you mind if I link it on my xanga?
I agree wholeheartedly with your points because I've felt them in my own life..at the end of the day it's NOT about choosing sides.. it's acknowledging that we are ALL flawed and imperfect, Christian or not. And gosh.. how hard it is to NOT let bitterness overwhelm you..and to have forgiveness and patience and that peace that transcends all understanding even when the world seems to disappoint you. You don't want to put your faith in people but you don't want to be bitter either.. so yes we put our faith in Christ and have hope for others that He is working..and to love them despite it all.
Unfortunately, many a time during a 'disagreement' with someone of the Christian faith... I get shown this wall of condescending attitude, or something along the lines of "you're going to hell." I think the reason why you seem to find many people believe Christians in general are extremely judgemental is because of this widespread, and continual treatment. It certainly does come off as judgemental.
But anyway, I do like your post =D I try to put my faith in everyone, only lowering that level of trust if someone gives me a reason to. If I suspected every person I met, I would think I'd drown in paranoia. Disappointments do happen of course, it's apart of life. However, people do things for a reason; I think it's best to try and understand people first before believing everyone is in the same bad crowd.Â
I am so happy to read a post about accepting and loving others even if they believe or dont believe the same philosophy.
It is easy to love those that love us and agree with us but like you said much harder to love those we feel have hurt us or do not live by the same rules as we might think they should.
I just try to put myself in the others persons place and it is easier to see why they do hurtful things to others. It usually has to do with fear and lack of understanding of thmselves.
personally, i feel that the whole idea of ending one toxic relationship to find another, which, ironically only ends up just like the other one, sounds pretty blind and overly idealistic.
you hit it right on the nose when you brought up the unifying factor between christians vs non-christians as human beings. but progressing that into human relationships being a never-ending cycle of toxic relationships make it sound as if each new relationship we seek, we expect it to be better than the last - but this makes it sound as if happiness is dependent on other people, and that they exist merely to fulfill your ideals of pain-free living (i apologize for my direct language, it's nearly 2 in the morning, and my brain is fried). the way i process it, with this line of reasoning, it seems to make understanding forgiveness all the harder, which negates the genuineness of actually having to forgive someone when the situation accounts for it.
here's my experience with forgiveness: the more i invest myself in relationships, the more i learn things about myself; both good and bad that pertain to relationships. like you said, nobody's perfect. it's easy to start or continue a ripple of cruel intentions once you've been bitten by it. but it's when i start to learn more about myself in my relationships, and come to terms with it, that i begin to understand the humanness of those around me because of the awareness of the reality of how human i am as well. and because of this, i think forgiveness is really a redeeming factor for us - we can't change and move on and learn new things to live a better life if we don't take the perspective that we also need to change and grow as much as the person who needs our forgiveness. sometimes i think that forgiveness is less about the other person than it is about us - after all, forgiving someone doesn't necessarily dictate a reciprocal reconciliatory response. but i think it makes us live a little healthier than before, a little more hopeful for the future and our lives.
and i think this makes the example of Jesus forgiving us all the more powerful. coming to terms with our own humanness and understanding others in light of this is one thing; coupling that with the realization that Jesus (pure and perfect divinity) came to die to forgive us makes the truth about our humanness overwhelming. and that makes getting to know him pretty cool, considering that the one who forgave you was one who was so perfect that he really had no reason to, which is so unlike understanding forgiveness purely on human terms. i'd say that's pretty life-changing.
but anyway. i'm probably babbling on about something completely different from what you were trying to communicate in this blog, but i wanted to post a comment anyway cuz i have a few thoughts on this issue and i wanted to vocalize my point about how forgiveness was a process for ourselves more than it is a focus on others.
good night =)
i keep my circle of friends very very tight. i fall into your jaded christian category. oh how i hate the measuring stick...
i think many Christians forget that, by default, our religion is incredibly judgmental. we (in the communal sense of the word... my personal belief is different) believe that not everyone is going to go to Heaven. whether or not we make the ultimate decision (we don't), the fact that we even acknowledge that difference is judgment. we take our own personal beliefs of morality and apply it to everyone else (whether or not they are Christian) and it causes us to treat and see people differently.
i don't believe Hell exists, but most of my friends do. and when i was non-Christian, i realized that nothing sucks more than having friends who are unbelievably nice to you...... but ultimately think you're going to Hell. it's utter bullshit. and to this day, whenever i meet a Christian i'm assuming they make that decision about my afterlife destination within the first few seconds of meeting me.
so, no offense... but whenever i hear a Christian whining about how much they hate being called judgmental, i tell them to find another religion. otherwise, accept the fact that you've made a choice to believe in something that divides humanity into saved and damned.
question to all the Christians here who believe in Hell: you do realize that, by simply announcing your religion, you are automatically excluding people, because the requirements of Heaven are well-known even to non-Christians. so how do you expect them to feel 100% comfortable around you, when they know you believe they are damned for eternity?
I've been hurt a lot growing up, mostly by my peers. As I got older, I found often that the "church kids" were sometimes more hurtful than the unbelievers in my life. So, naturally, I developed sketpicism and bitterness of people and their motives. It can be very difficult to forgive in the midst of pain, but I agree that it's so important to pray to God for the strength to forgive when our human flesh tells us we should not forgive.
Plus, we have to think about how we would feel in the same person's position-- regardless of their relationship with Christ. If we messed up somehow and deeply hurt someone, whether intentionally or unitentionally, we would want someone to forgive us, would we not?
do you think maybe that the lesson to be learned is to NOT put so much into relationships with others, but instead to live your life for........ what?
think outside of the box for a moment, who are we really? And why are we here? Here are some questions to help you get out of the box.
1) did Jesus have a best friend besides his deciples?
2) was Judas a friend or just a follower?
3) why does Satan hate mankind so much?
4) if we are saved from our sins, then why do we still have to die?
5) why were you even born? Why exsist at all?
@tavi_uncensored@xanga - I agree with you.. and I see more Christians practicing the above mentioned generalization of condemning, judging, and "measuring people with their holy stick" than I do of people of other religious faiths/non-religious people practicing their generalization of being self-serving, belittling people for praying, or nagging people for not speaking up for themselves.
As an agnostic I have no problem with people praying, in fact I do respect them for their kind wishes and hopes. But I do hear much more "You're going to hell" than I do "Praying is stupid".
I've been on both sides and neither is too enjoyable. When I was searching for my beliefs I was scrutinized by fewer people than I am now that I've found what I believe in. I'm more comfortable in my skin now than I have ever been and that was from the patience that people have given me when evaluating my thoughts and opinions. I wish we could just respect each others views and go about our day without all the fighting and debating. I have faith in humanity. If I can turn around so can others who are standing in the place that I did not long ago, right?