Monday, 28 July 2008
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Does God Bring Romance, Or Should You Pursue It Yourself?
by miss goldenrod
I've always been a bit unambitious when it comes to my future plans. My single post-high school aspiration was marriage and family; when that didn't happen after two years, I went away to school. There also, I assumed I would meet someone and get married right after graduation. Now, over three years later, I've realized my way of attaining this goal was completely wrong and I've given that over to God. Still, as my mother keeps telling me...and all my adopted-mothers say also...I won't meet my husband sitting at home reading books or watching movies.
I guess I kinda hoped that God would just divinely intervene without my having to do anything different. After all, my sister met her husband through Xanga by way of his parents who stumbled on her blog...so surely God can do something like that for me.
Perhaps He will...but today I saw a picture of a butterfly in conjuction with a sermon on the process of change. It suddenly struck me that a caterpillar starts becoming a butterfly the moment it begins spinning its chrysalis.
A caterpillar could be content spending all day eating leaves, yet instinct drives it to begin spinning a shroud for itself. It has within it the ability to change its circumstances, but it will never get to the point of flying over the trees if it insists on spending all its time eating leaves leaves.
Becoming a butterfly requires one to begin spinning...and not just sitting around.
Do you think it's necessary to take initiative and do the work when waiting for God go bring that "special someone" into your life? Or is it better to just let things happen on their own?
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Comments (65)
I, among others, did not find my true love until I stopped looking. After gaining a reputation as a "player" in high school, I decided the summer after I graduated that I would not date my first semester of college- something that would be difficult, since I knew a lot of the people I'd be going to school with from Bible Quizzing and Camp, and one girl in particular had already caught my eye. If you read my story on the revelife forum about how my wife and I met, you'll know that it wasn't the girl I was originally interested in. Had she and I decided to date as soon as we arrived at college, I may not have had the chance to develop a friendship that would eventually lead to marriage. As it was, I still managed to make the wrong choice at first...
I think the best thing you can do is stop trying to find your future spouse and just chase after G-d. If you stay on the path He has laid out for you, it will intersect with the path of the one He has intended for you.
well i'm a big believer in fate, and i have no idea if that's Christian or not, but i do believe in it, so i kinda think that its a combination of things. like God will guide you to make the choices that will lead you to the right person. or something like that.
I don't believe in the idea of "the one". The Bible clearly gives us the option to choose marriage or to choose singleness. It's really up to us. I'm not saying that dating and marriage should be taken lightly. But I am saying it is your decision. How that happens is up to you. My brother has had 4 serious girlfriends in the past 7 years. Now He is going to marry the one he is currently dating. She is really awesome and loves God. However, he never would have met her if he had said, "oh, well... I don't think I should date... I'll wait on God."
Take initiative. Like my grandma always says, God won't help those who don't help themselves. But make sure your in love with God first, because then He is in control.
I think if by taking initiative you mean living your life, working, playing, hanging out with friends and enjoying every minute of it then yes....by all means do
I don't believe you have to hunt for a "mate" but being open to the possibility will help you discern when something; or someone, deserves your exrta attention.
God knows what he has in store for you, and although He doesn't expect you to sit closed off from the world behind locked doors anticipating a miracle, I believe He does expect you to live your life and interact with who He brings into it.
If it's of God when it happens I think you will definitely know!
Wow, I seriously have no good answers. I say it is both.. and is a mystery to me honestly. I am just now at 25 in the midst of a relationship that may actually go somewhere besides friendship. I was starting my last year this past January and had bascially come to the conclusion that I would not find anyone before I graduated from seminary. Then bam, out of no where comes this girl, or woman I suppose, who just seemed to enthrawl me. We talked some, hung out this summer, and have gone out on a date. I still do not know how any of this happened - but I am not complaning at all. My advice is too look for God in the expected and the unexpected, God is alongside us and we just need to be open to his will and too meeting new people (and I say that as a professed introvert.. lol).
i think it's a balance of both... it's what I've come to know it is as actively waiting...
the idea is like waiting for dinner to be done... sure you're waiting for the meatloaf... but in such waiting, you're setting the table, putting away the spices, washing dishes, setting the table, prepping other dishes etc etc etc...
in such things... it's also called WALK by faith... God doesn't take the step for you... He desires for you to lift your feet up off the ground and intend to move forward... praying that Jesus would help it to land... thanking Him for every step that lands... faith is about action...
and even in romance which our good God authors in our individual lives... there is no formula for it... because God is about the journey, not the destination... He invites us to take initiative...
but I also think God has the full capability to just plop your mate into your lap (He did for Adam, you're no different)... but more or less... in the Biblical order of things... we are to walk with action garnered by faith... and w/o faith, you won't see God... so... actively wait....
love Jesus supremely... serve God wholeheartedly... pray unceasingly to Jesus... and stay active w/ life... desire your mate sure... don't obsess... enjoy Jesus, love Him... and stay content... that's basically what i believe works...
it has for me for my cognizant life as a Christian... and now i'm in a new season and so... w/o indulging details... i'm praying about somethings and so yea...
points above is my point...
i used live by the idea that God will just drop someone on my door step. Sounds kinda stupid, but it does happen for some I guess.
I've only just got my first 'official' bf, but it took me several months to work out that I shoul actually give it a go.
I never went out looking for a guy, but they seem to find me okay.
Anytime we take the initiative instead of totally putting it into God's hands, it will fail... To become the Man that God wants me to be, I have to put my focus on Him... I think first priority is to Him and Him alone... Then, when its time, these things will be added... Right?
In my experience, it fails either way...
Make sure that it's known that initiative is different than defiance and total control.
Everyone keeps telling me that God will bring my future husband in time. Just
keep waiting, they say. Have faith.
But I don't know if I believe them. What, is he gonna just show up at my door
one day? You need to work at it. You have to get out there. I'm not saying go
out on the hunt to find him. More than likely you'll just pass over him if
you're just out on the prowl.
You can't sit on your butt all day and expect to find your man... but you
also can't devote your life to finding him. He'll come... but you have to come
to him too.
Peace&love,
Brooke
I think you need to need to pray for God to guide your initiative, at the risk of sounding indecisive.
That is to say, don't be afraid to take chances on people who also walk with God and interest you as someone you could have a future with.
I mean, the Bible obviously shows that God isn't averse to making people work to accomplish His plan. I mean, Noah had to go find the wood to build the Ark, Abraham's servant had to travel to find Isaac for Rebekah (though God answered the servant's prayer with Rebekah), God sent the armies of Israel out to battle quite often (even though God also defeated the enemies supernaturally too).
I guess I'm just saying it certainly is possible for God to drop "The One" in your way, it's also possible that you need to actually get up and find "The One".
For what my opinion is worth.
Interesting post.
Circumstances are different for different people. Some find their mate after years of searching only when they stop actively searching. For some it's the opposite. I really don't believe there's one right answer. I do pray you find the one God has prepared for you, though, and I wish you and he (him? I haven't taken a grammar class in a long time) many years of happiness.
I related to this a lot. I've been single for over two years. I'm not really looking but I've kinda just believed that God would intervene and let me know when something was right. But, a friend recently pointed out to me that I have to at least put myself out there. I do sit at home most nights reading or watching movies...and the only hope I have at meeting a guy is in the grocery store with the way things are going. So, maybe we have to help God out...do some work too.
At some point we have to wonder (as singles), are we waiting on something or are we stuck??
It is all about timing...when you least expect it...
I found my (future) husband when I least expected it. I had sworn off men, and dating, actually! XD I did not trust any male. I wanted to remain single forever. I thought I wasn't worthy to fall in love with.
Then I met Joe. He broke down all of the walls I had built to protect myself. He crumbled away my hatred of males (and of humanity in general). I even begged him not to like, date, or fall in love with me--that I would only hurt him, that I was very difficult and very screwed-up. He said I was worth it. That was a year and a half ago.
I love him.
Haha wow I get really sappy when questions like these are asked.
Intentionally looking for someone will cause you to probably OVERlook them. Instead, put yourself in situations where you think you'll met someone. YOU are still in control of meeting someone, but you can't just sit around and hope that one day you'll run into them randomly on the street.
I don't know that we could ever really know that. The only thing our culture tells us is that you have to go out and be out among people in order ever meet someone.
I don't know just how reasonable that is for everyone, after all, I have never really met anyone through going out and hanging out in coffee shops or any such thing. Obviously if you never left your house then you wouldn't be likely to ever meet anyone but you would still be going to church and maybe a bible study.
This post kind of reminds me of a discussion I had a couple of years ago with a friend of mine. We were discussing how it is that engineers procreate since many engineers fit the stereo type of being somewhat disinterested in real social contact. Both of us even know a few engineers who are married and completely fit that stereotype and always have.
I guess what I believe is that God has someone in mind for each of us and he will find a way to get our paths to cross no matter how little we do to help his cause.
I believe one should have the patience that comes with the mentality of the latter, while having the willingness and discernment to act when the time is right that is associated with the former.
Oh, and I believe this is a gender-sensitive issue.
Men ought to pursue,
while women ought to be patient.
I believe that everybody has a soulmate. God loves us all so much, he wants to give us each a chance of happiness. This is why he made us into his exact image, and with that, he gave us the most important gift of all: the freedom of choice (just like in Bruce Almighty).
As above, everybody has a soulmate, but it's up to us to decide whether that person is the 'one' or not. I know that I'm only 17 years old, but I believe that I have witnessed alot in my life to come to these conclusions.
My boyfriend and I have been together more a little over two weeks now, and to be honest, I didn't want to get into relationship whilst still in high school. But I followed my heart, for I believed that God was making this relationship happen. So if we leave our destiny in God's hands, beautiful things will happen.
That's what I believe at least. Hope that helped :) Although, it's true that you should start getting out more, meeting new people, and who knows? One of those people may be the 'one'.
I have met the most special, long lasting friends in my life, and my late husband and one other serious love, purely by chance meeting, being together in the same place at the same time, doing similar things. I didn't go out looking. I think God puts the right people in our paths for a reason.
When I have gone out looking, it has been a disaster. People who actively search for a partner, online or otherwise, have a checklist, and secrets, and presumably, so do you. People aren't necessarily genuine in that artificially contrived situation; they try to please the other and fit their checklist, but certainly, the more time passes, the more a person shows his true colors, and it's not always pretty. Some are "serial daters" and have several things going on at once, but don't tell you that. They have a game that they play, and they have practiced it well. They go out hunting for things like this. I don't believe this is God's will for our lives.
I would say, get out there and be with good people, people who are fun and interesting and similar to you, who have some of the same interests you have. Just hang out and get involved in things. Chances are, "he" will cross your path.