Friday, 25 July 2008
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The Unfair Advantage of Being Pretty
by mr pine
It's embarrassing how much significance our society puts on physical beauty. Whether it's from the makeover shows which preach that you can't be happy unless you are attractive, or from how much we faun over the hyper-glamorized celebrities, or from something as simple as tending to show more kindness to better-looking people... it completely permeates our culture. And I think most of the time we're not even aware that we do this. I think that without even knowing it, we attribute so much more to beauty than just physical appearance. It shapes our opinion of people we barely know. On some level we grant more grace to attractive people than to unattractive people.And though right now you may be thinking, "Beauty is so subjective, so you're wrong," I would argue that there has to be an objective aspect of beauty, otherwise we would not have movie stars and models and such. It may be the idealistic and honorable thing to say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but I think we're kidding ourselves if we think that physical beauty is completely subjective. If you had 100 people in a room and asked each of them to rank from 1 to 10 who they think are the most attractive ones there, I would almost guarantee that there would be some that receive a large percentage of the votes... and on the flip side there would be some who may not even receive a single vote. That's the harsh reality.
But it's not even the fact that it's in the media how much better the beautiful people are treated that causes me to pause. I see it all the time in just everyday life. I see it in the youth group in how the cutesy girls are bathed in attention while the plain-looking ones are virtually ignored (by the way, youth group guys, a word of advice... some of the prettiest women I know now were complete nerds in high school). I notice that people are more polite and more smiley-faced towards attractive people. I seem to remember that when I was in my 20's that the more attractive women I knew had a fair number of male friends and they never understood why or they just took it for granted.
I wonder if people realize that they're being treated differently than other people. I've observed that attractive people have an easier time asking people to do them favors. This is probably because they're used to having people do things for them because they're attractive. But I wonder if they don't realize that this is not the norm. I think that if a less attractive person and a more attractive person were to switch bodies for a month, each would be incredibly shocked at how differently they were treated. Is confidence attractive? Or is it that attractiveness built that confidence within them?
Now I would like to go on the record to say that I'm definitely not immune to any of the things I have mentioned. I know that if I were to videotape my life, I'd be appalled at how hypocritical I am. But these are my observations. I hope that by writing them down, I can keep myself in check. Beauty may be only skin-deep, but in this world it seems to be deep enough.
Pop quiz: Who is the following passage describing?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. - Isaiah 53:2-3Have you observed an over-emphasis on physical beauty in your community?
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Comments (94)
one of your other commentors nailed this on the head-we are wired to prefer beauty. this is not a learned response. tests on babies show they prefer 'beautiful' people over plain ones. they're not sure why, but the only thing they have nailed down for certain is the eyes-people with wide set, large eyes, esp women, fall into this catagory easier than others for some reason.
that said, I will also point out that while very beautiful people have a lot of doors opened up to them based on looks, their personal lives seem to suffer for it, esp women I think. many actually have trouble getting dates (men are too intimidated to even ask) and when they do get a date, it becomes quickly obvious they are 'arm candy' and not there because the guy is interesting in getting to know her better. he's interested in showing her off and that making himself look good. of course, this works both ways.I have a friend that is stunningly gorgeous, witty and funny, warm and generous, and very well known in her field. I have never met a more sweet, devout Christian woman..and yet, much to her dismay, she's single. she would love more than anything to be married and have children. she can't find a decent guy to save her life because of her looks. most of her dates don't go beyond the first date or two. she knows when she's being used. Now to ordinary people like me, I wouldn't entirely believe it or even care, but I have know her since she was a little girl and seen first hand what she goes thru.
Ironcially, our society is obsessed with it, yet it doesn't bring happiness...and from what I read in the bible, it's been that way always. it's why we are warned against it. Good luck tho.
Attractiveness is also a primal thing. If you had to go into a room of potential mates, and pick out one based only on their appearance, you would be picking out a physically fit, clean person with nice teeth and skin. You would never pick out the overweight, smelly person with an overbite, because none of those traits are positive to pass on to your offspring.
Obviously in real times, you are not just looking for a sperm donor, so a lot of unattractive things can be overlooked or drowned out by a great personality. But when you boil it down, someone who is unattractive comes across as someone who does not take care of themselves, or does not care to. And if you can't/won't take care of your physical self, who's to say what you WILL take care of?
How your body and face look is a lottery. But it can be rigged to your advantage. You can change your body shape by working out. You can go to a dermatologist and work on getting nice skin. You can go to the dentist to have your teeth straightened and whitened. You can get your hair cut/colored and styled. You could read up on what clothes will suit your body type. Blah blah blah.
OR you can look at yourself in the mirror and cry over how ugly you are, and waste your life feeling sorry for yourself and growing an ugly little hatred for "beautiful" people...
I think that is the way that our cruel society is, a fact of life that we must deal with. Such is not going to change, or at least I do not see it changing at all any time soon.
I love this blog. I am definitely the ugly duckling in my otherwise-beautiful family, and I have felt that obvious social difference my entire life. I catch myself turning these exact thoughts over in my head, only to be told I'm "paranoid." It's good to know that someone else sees it.
I wonder if pretty girls get more traffic on their blogs.
in high school i struggled wtih confidence, but as i entered my senior year of high school and now second year of college, i've gained a lot of self confidence and realized my self worth. therefore, in my case i believe my attractiveness comes from confidence.
I'm not beautiful, I don't have "the" look and yes I've realized that I have and will always be treated differently than those with blonde hair and big boobs. So what. I don't care. I am truely pleased with who I am and what I look like.
I'm heavy set, or should I fit to the common standard of society and just call my self fat?
All that matters is that I try to live a healthy lifestyle befitting of myself.
@believeordoubt@xanga - They probably do.
@believeordoubt@xanga - I wonder if they get free upgrades to premium sites?
Oh the advantages!
no
This is a very interesting post... I think there's also an element of "peer pressure" in the assessment of beauty. If everyone says so and so is good looking then after awhile that would have an influence on the minority that might not think so. (btw, i honestly do NOT think angelina jolie is pretty x_x ) ... anyways... some of the people I think are most attractive is because they have amazing and loving personality, even initially they seem very ordinary after knowing them I think they are the most beautiful ppl... anyways.. I don't disput your claims but I'd say we can go against the culture and atively pursue - "beauty is fleeting and charm is deceptive, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" And some of the initially good looking people turn out to be the most self-centered ugly people in the end. Time will tell what is better
I would definitely have to concur. And yes, I see it everyday in my life. And sadly, in my youth group as well. Everywhere. It's entirely sad... but it seems like -- it is the inevitable reality. I cringe when I realize what the world has done to teenage girl -- well females... and guys too.
The verse was talking about Jesus. :)
I agree. "plain" people are over looked. And as I am not really over looked, but kind of, I consider myself to be plain/prettyish.
"Pretty" people, are also assumed to be pretty stupid. And I should know.
Okay, so maybe I do consider myself pretty. Sort of. Just not as pretty as my friends. So I consider myself on the plain side, since I am like there while my friends are the ones showered with affection.
But being so-called "kinda pretty," (in my words)people assume I'm in average classes with below average grades. I hate it when people are surprised when they find out I'm taking advanced math and top tier classes AND I still manage to have a ranking of number two in my whole school. And when I ask why it's so hard to grasp that I have a brain, people tell me I look too prettyish to be smart.
So there are two sides to the story. So while people tend to like to be around so-called "attractive people," the so-called "plain people" are automatically assumed to be smarter.
It is to the advantage of the viewer to see through the outward appearance into the heart. That is where true beauty and ugliness lie.
If we have eternity in mind again, Many popstars and celebrities are not going to look very good in Hell!
Isa 53:3 - Show ContextHe is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him notSo how god sees beauty is the only way to see beauty.
Jesus who died on the cross,
If our Lords face shines the beauty of heaven! As his image of beauty would make the best looking person in the world ugly!
Yet his uglyness of the cross would even be more beautiful than anything because he paid for our sins by such!
Revelation 1
12 And I turned to see the voice that spake with me. And being turned, I saw seven golden candlesticks;
13 And
in the midst of the seven candlesticks one like unto the Son of man,
clothed with a garment down to the foot, and girt about the paps with a
golden girdle. 14 His head and his hairs were white like wool, as white as snow; and his eyes were as a flame of fire;
15 And his feet like unto fine brass, as if they burned in a furnace; and his voice as the sound of many waters.
16 And
he had in his right hand seven stars: and out of his mouth went a sharp
twoedged sword: and his countenance was as the sun shineth in his
strength. 17 And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:
18 I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.
We are all going to have new bodies as corruption will inherit incoruption.
I want to be like my Saviour as Beautiful and Humble as him
@bittersunday@xanga -
I agree with you. Everyone is unfortunately somewhat shallow & little kids are getting the wrong perception of what beauty is...or just prioritizing it way too much. Middle school and high school was tough for me because there was constantly competition to win attention from boys. Not only that but there was competition to be in the group with the prettiest girls at school too because how you were treated was different.
I get tired of being surrounded with materialism & shallowness because it is really easy to get insecure & beat down.
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.
^good verse
honestly, it's easier for me to be nice to pretty kids... but easier for me to be nice to not-so-pretty adults. i'm not pretty... and i'm always afraid they'd be assholes to me so i'm just kind to the regular people because they'd have no reason to judge me...
I think a large part of the problem is our tendency to judge. Like others have pointed out, "pretty" people sometimes get judged unfairly for being haughty or airheaded, while "ugly" people tend to be judged as having little worth. I have to admit that I have fallen into both traps. I'm making it my goal, though, to follow God's commands not to judge. Only He can judge accurately - and He judges by the heart, not outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7).
I have struggled quite a bit from childhood with feeling ugly. It's strange... I remember thinking I was fat when I was 6, and when I look back at pictures now I just see a tiny little girl.
I need to constantly remind myself that my worth comes from Christ -- and that all other people have great worth because they are masterpieces by God. While beauty is inherently good, life is not about looking beautiful or self-confident. That's not what's going to matter in the end. In the end, all who know Christ will be awed by the overwhelming beauty of his character, which will be openly displayed. We will also radiate beauty, because He will have made us His pure and perfect people.
For nearly my entire childhood, I was treated badly for being for what most of my peers considered "ugly". For this, I was excluded from most social groups, therefore having fewer opportunities to socialize and gain important social skills. What's even more, I was consistently teased on a daily basis, making my confidence deteriorate even more. I was always the oddball. I was always picked last for any activity. I could/would never fit in because my appearance simply would not allow me to do so. Nobody wanted to spend time with a hideous looking outcast.
In response, I've learned to live within my own head while in school being entertained by the very nature of my own thoughts, at the same time, developing a kind of mistrust of humanity.
During the onset of the end of my adolescent years, my physical appearance changed dramatically--and for the better. I was suddenly "pretty". I started to get attention from guys. People actually wanted to befriend me and voluntarily offer me help.
It's weird. But understood clearly. The vast majority, people will judge you based on your appearance. One could even say, that personality and appearance are equally important. It's biology to be attracted to attractive people. If someone is sexually attractive they will be treated considerably better than average. If someone is very unattractive they will be treated considerably worse than average.
One thing that I learned during my life, is that saying " true beauty is on the inside", is rarely true. Meaning while some people may judge for what's within, many don't. "beauty's only skin deep" is so cliche and people often say one thing and do the complete opposite.