Friday, 25 July 2008
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The Unfair Advantage of Being Pretty
by mr pine
It's embarrassing how much significance our society puts on physical beauty. Whether it's from the makeover shows which preach that you can't be happy unless you are attractive, or from how much we faun over the hyper-glamorized celebrities, or from something as simple as tending to show more kindness to better-looking people... it completely permeates our culture. And I think most of the time we're not even aware that we do this. I think that without even knowing it, we attribute so much more to beauty than just physical appearance. It shapes our opinion of people we barely know. On some level we grant more grace to attractive people than to unattractive people.And though right now you may be thinking, "Beauty is so subjective, so you're wrong," I would argue that there has to be an objective aspect of beauty, otherwise we would not have movie stars and models and such. It may be the idealistic and honorable thing to say that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," but I think we're kidding ourselves if we think that physical beauty is completely subjective. If you had 100 people in a room and asked each of them to rank from 1 to 10 who they think are the most attractive ones there, I would almost guarantee that there would be some that receive a large percentage of the votes... and on the flip side there would be some who may not even receive a single vote. That's the harsh reality.
But it's not even the fact that it's in the media how much better the beautiful people are treated that causes me to pause. I see it all the time in just everyday life. I see it in the youth group in how the cutesy girls are bathed in attention while the plain-looking ones are virtually ignored (by the way, youth group guys, a word of advice... some of the prettiest women I know now were complete nerds in high school). I notice that people are more polite and more smiley-faced towards attractive people. I seem to remember that when I was in my 20's that the more attractive women I knew had a fair number of male friends and they never understood why or they just took it for granted.
I wonder if people realize that they're being treated differently than other people. I've observed that attractive people have an easier time asking people to do them favors. This is probably because they're used to having people do things for them because they're attractive. But I wonder if they don't realize that this is not the norm. I think that if a less attractive person and a more attractive person were to switch bodies for a month, each would be incredibly shocked at how differently they were treated. Is confidence attractive? Or is it that attractiveness built that confidence within them?
Now I would like to go on the record to say that I'm definitely not immune to any of the things I have mentioned. I know that if I were to videotape my life, I'd be appalled at how hypocritical I am. But these are my observations. I hope that by writing them down, I can keep myself in check. Beauty may be only skin-deep, but in this world it seems to be deep enough.
Pop quiz: Who is the following passage describing?
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. - Isaiah 53:2-3Have you observed an over-emphasis on physical beauty in your community?
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Comments (94)
Being that I'm still in high school, ye I'd say people place importance on looks. Then again, I know some people who society would label as "very beautiful," yet the are still treated like "normal" looking people.
Who knows? Society = fail.
Answer :: Jesus.
I try to not look at people's outwards appearances when I speak with them. I think it's unfair to the person .
I'm not sure about the observation that pretty people are more confident, I have seen many people who society would call "unpretty" and yet they can command a room because of their character. It really depends on that person's outlook on themselves.
it's sad but true that good-looking ppl usually get more attention, but i think it's important for everyone to look their best, as the situation may call for. maybe it's not a great theory, but (for a girl), a little makeup is better than a lot of therapy. everyone's beautiful in their own way - it's about making it shine and finding confidence in that. i think the confidence is more attractive than the actual beauty.
i just wrote a similar post btw :P
I liked this blog.
I am very passionate about this subject...
...on major reason is because people do not understand the needless insecurities that have been created as a result of these social pressures toward "prettiness."
One example is my wife. She is (very) self-conscious, very insecure about her physical appearance. Because of the things she has been told her whole life, by friends, by family, by tv, she does not believe that she is attractive. The result is that she becomes defensive about herself, about me and about our relationship(I admit that I have also done the same thing).
And because of this she completely fails to see how I completely adore her, every part of her, I [love] her physical appearance because I love her. But if I were to tell her that, she doesn't believe me.
What I'm trying to say is that this craziness of "prettiness" and the way everyone worships sex-appeal? ... well, it's hurting a lot more people than we may realize. Sometimes it cripples people, to be treated on a lower level than those people who look incrementally more like a super-model or movie star.
There's nothing wrong with being good-looking...but the way we worship it is highly slighting toward the people who see themselves as ordinary. Why? Because they're not ordinary. They [at least] potential sons and daughters of God. I don't see how anyone could know that and still form an opinion of someone based on their appearance.
What saddens me is that the church really isn't much better than anywhere else in the world.
Everyone is vain. That's pretty much it.
The passage is about Jesus.
I am going to sort of take Devil's Advocate here and say that, yes, I agree that we shouldn't discriminate against people who are less attractive (I am certainly no Angelina Jolie!), but humans are wired to respond to beauty, whether it is physical or in nature or art. It is a gift of God. And there is not necessarily anything terrible about being affected by it.
I think the problem is that before the Fall, we would have been able to see everyone as beautiful because we would have seen them as the perfect creature they were created by God to be. Now, we only see a shadow of that. We are unable to see some people's beauty at all because we can't see their potential or their inner gifts, and others use their beauty in selfish ways.
I believe that the ultimate beauty is from within. The most beautiful people I know are those who are filled with Christ. I am thinking of an older lady I know who is drop dead gorgeous because of the Jesus people see in her. I think that if a lot of people came into a room with her, even many non-Christians, almost all of them would say she is beautiful. There is just something about her. you can't be around her without seeing it. She's no supermodel; she's a reflection of the most beautiful Person in existence, her God.
It's called the Halo Effect. Psych 101, people. We tend to see physically attractive people as being friendlier and kinder. And it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, because we tend to treat people the way we are treated. It's hard to get over being ignored because you're homely-looking. Sure, we can try as hard as we can to be okay with being beautiful on the inside, but realistically, every plain-looking girl wants to be seen as beautiful by a guy. Your girlfriends are much better at seeing inner beauty than guys are, and if a lot of the high-school-jock types would focus less on the transient outer appearance, they'd be surprised at how beautiful some of these girls are.
The Passage is about Jesus -
Sometimes I think beauty is exuded through confidence. People that exude confidence are more often seen as beautiful. There is something beautiful and alluring about a woman (or a man) who knows what they want and aren't afraid to ask for it or go for it...
It's those who shrink back and are unsure that often are seen as "not beautiful." This confidence can come through in something simple - as taking better care of yourself, or presenting yourself as worth the time and effort. Esteem is beautiful.
One of my favorite shows is "What Not to Wear". Some people may have trouble with this show because they are... "telling people they look ugly or dress bad" or whatever you want to say...
But point is... After these women (or men) get done, they have clothes that look good on THEIR body - not a liposuctioned body. They have make up that suits their face. And they have hair that makes their faces stand out.
While I'm not totally defending the makeup and beauty industry here... There is something that these people have at the end of the show... yes they have new clothes, but they have the confidence to walk forward. They smile brighter. I have never walked away from that show depressed - always uplifted. It's a life change. An esteem change. People that realize that EVERYONE can be beautiful, including themselves, stand straighter and smile more.
I love seeing esteems renewed - and that - to me - is beautiful.
I saw a discussion once where a couple of "experts"(I don't know what made them experts but that is what they supposedly were) were discussing human beauty and they were saying that the biggest key to attractiveness is how symmetrical a person's body and especially their face is. Apparently that is the biggest similarity in features across all of the people who are generally considered to be attractive.
Fact of Life? Law of You Look Awesome I'll Follow You Around?
It is quite unfair how plain and unattractive people are treated, and even though I know there are guys out there who do look beyond appearances, I can't get myself to wrap my mind around the concept that they will judge me based on my personality.
I can't help but want to be beautiful, but at the same time I feel like my unattractive qualities (such as acne) are a blessing because they help me filter through the people who will appreciate me for who I am - as opposed to a person who will look down upon me because of my aesthetics.
But I've discovered that confidence is a very attractive quality. I'd rather date an unattractive but confident man than a beautiful and self-conscious boy.
@lightsang07@xanga - Very true. Kudos to you for your courage and wisdom.
oo, i wrote an entry on this exact topic today in my blogspot.
this is my take on it:
if we focus so much on what other people think, we begin to lose our sense of identity. that is what our generation is all about, it seems: being a part of the crowd or sad attempts to stand out with futile attempts at changing their physical sense. for me, junior high and beginning of high school was when i most cared about what others thought about me, and looking back i lost a lot of my self-identity and traded it for superficial things such as looks and popularity. now, i feel myself going back to the days before i had cared so much... and by doing so i'm starting to realize that not only am i becoming who i was 'meant to be' but also who i had been in the first place. i lost a few years (not entirely, for i still gained much during those times, but somewhat) due to my concern with my appearances, or rather, the way i appeared to others -- not just in the physical sense but in the way i conformed in general. God looks at the heart, and if my heart is pure, that should reflect in my words and deeds. it shouldn't be the world that determines who i am.
i also find it interesting that we will be who we are now when we are in eternity. God created us as we are now for a purpose; why conform to worldly standards and change it when it will all soon pass away anyway?
Really, anyone who says "outer beauty doesn't matter to me" or says that they have never judged anyone based on their outward appearance is lying--either to others or to themselves.
Beauty now is completely different then what it was 30 years ago or 100 years ago. Our modern concept of female beauty (extremely thin, tan) is extraordinarily new.
I think everyone has struggled with this, with feeling physically inadequate or unattractive. Some of the most attractive people I knew in high school that I talk to now said that they were very self-conscious and did not consider themselves to be pretty at all.
Modern society sucks, really. There's no other way to describe it. The standard of female beauty is so high and so unattainable pretty much EVERY female I know has low self-esteem. It can range from simply feeling inadequate to developing dangerous eating disorders to feel beautiful somehow.
This is a subject I know a bit about. I struggled with an eating disorder for many, many years of my life. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in 2006. A few months after my diagnosis, I had a heart attack. I had just turned 21. 21. I was so thin and frail that I couldn't even walk up stairs. The disorder nearly killed me. I've been in "recovery" since 2007 but the anorexic mindset has never gone away, and I still struggle daily with the thoughts and sometimes the actions. I could go on, but I won't.
Of course, there were a plethora of other reasons that I developed anorexia. The desire to be beautiful was only a small reason. But it was still a reason nonetheless.
Society is harsh to everyone, especially little girls and little boys who are bombarded with images of so-called "beauty" everywhere.
"Little girls aren't born knowing how to hate their bodies. So we decide to teach them."
Oh, and the answer is Jesus, but I'm sure someone already answered that.
Isaiah kind of destroys the whole "flowy brown hair, deep blue eyes, fantastically pale, handsome Jesus" image, doesn't he?
@bittersunday@xanga - Yes, he does. And yet, I think that proves conclusively that inner beauty is where it's at. People adored and followed Jesus because of who He was. He was beautiful to them.
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiul woman who shows no discretion. Word to yo mama.
I think the obvious solution is to get less ugly.
There's a place here, someplace I'm sure, to discuss modesty. Modesty doesn't just mean covering up. It has to do with not attracting tons of attention and causing other people's imagination to run rampant, based solely on your physical appearance. Over made-up, over dressed, being overly obsessed with your own physical appearance is as immodest as being provocatively dressed. It's us, consumers, who have decided one is less acceptable than the other. But in our society good looks is the foot in the door, a leg up, often a money maker; the keys to the kingdom. It will gain you preferential treatment and benefits that more "average" or homely people wont get. All for nothing more, on the surface of it, than the luck of the draw. Sickening to me.
one sad point i viewed on an atheist's blog was pointing out how the "church" advertising shows only "pretty faces."
For that: i repent.
@franksabunch@xanga - "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. Word to yo mama."
love that verse
@bittersunday@xanga - actually, to me that point just kind of underscores how true the whole 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' thing is. not to say that everyone has radically different opinions about what is and is not beautiful; but love of what a person is on the inside greatly affects one's opinion of a person's outward appearance.
in other words, if you like someone enough, you look more favorably upon every aspect of them, physical attributes included. inner and outer beauty are certainly related quite intimately in the human mind.
@bittersunday@xanga - Society is harsh to everyone, especially little girls and little boys who are bombarded with images of so-called "beauty" everywhere.
You're right about that. Beauty, weight, makeup, clothes, exercise, diet, and of course impossible standards of appearance. There's no competing with supermodels.
Thanks for talking about your own struggles. As a dad with three daughters, I'm trying to raise my girls as wisely as I can. I've heard that the father's affirmation is one of the biggest factors in how a girl sees herself. Every girl should hear from her father that she is lovely, just as every boy should hear from him that he has what it takes to be a man.
@bittersunday@xanga - My dear, I will pray for you. I know how you feel to an extent. (I have suffered from Body Dimorphic Disorder.) People can throw passages at you ... yet, when you live in a society that glorifies thinness and airbrushed beauty, it's hard to reconcile the two.
My suggestion, because it is something that has helped me, I stopped watching television completely. I read the news online and only visit websites like this. Getting rid of the stimuli helps significantly.
Unfortunately, this past weekend at a conference I attended, Miss Teen USA was there. Thin, beautiful and tall ... her presence bothered me. Yet, I reminded myself why I was there - to learn how to work with exceptional children and adults. It helped me significantly. I regained focus. (In addition, I witnessed her spend five minutes trying to open a door. She was pushing it when it said, "Pull." Hahaha, I (shamefully) laughed at the sight of this. It made me feel intelligent.)
@Roadkill_Spatula@xanga - God bless you. I am certain that your daughters are beautiful, intelligent women of God. =)
I get free stuff sometimes for being pretty... like a ice cream cone at mcDs or coffee at a gas station.