Sunday, 20 July 2008
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My Non-Christian Friends Are More Mature Than My Christian Ones
from vvorldsapart
A continuation of Self-Sacrifice Does Not Mean Self-Neglect
I look at a few of my non-Christian friends and I feel like in some parts of their lives, they’re so much more emotionally mature than the Christians I know. They seem more self-aware, they don’t front, and they’re just very real. When they’re being moody or ugly, they admit it and are able to laugh it off. I realize that Christians have a really hard time doing that because we’ve been brainwashed to think that we have to be perfect all the time, and so even a negative thought or an angry word is immediately followed with guilt and repentance for being human. I’m not saying that everything out of negative emotion is justified, but why beat yourself up for having a human reaction? How do we de-wire ourselves from this ridiculous mindset that we’re not allowed to get upset, get angry, and even be ugly sometimes?
When I heard that Christians are supposed to be the “fools of the world,” I really had no idea how literal the application would be. I always assumed we were "foolish" because we were willing to give our lives (or, are we?) for something intangible, something we don’t even get to fully enjoy or have in fulfillment in this lifetime. It makes me wonder how can we even reach out to the unbelieving if we don’t even have our own lives figured out? If we’re still emotionally underdeveloped that we come off as inept or childish?
I’m tired of Christians looking like stupid fools. Maybe, just maybe, if we were the humans we were created to be, we’d realize that we can’t do anything God told us to do in our own strength, and we’d ask Him for help. And we depend on Him and His strength. And through that, we can actually accomplish what God told us to do. Maybe if we embrace our humanness and embrace that we do have needs and we do have baggage and broken parts, then we don’t have to place ourselves higher than other people to make ourselves feel better. Maybe if I see how truly messed up I am and stop being in denial because of all the good works I’d been piling up, then I can finally, in humility, come to God and just want Him. Maybe his grace will be able to change my heart. Maybe He can be real in my life, and I no longer have to be jealous of the “holy” people who encounter Him in real ways everyday. Maybe, just maybe, this is the way it was supposed to be… people being people, and God being God.
My heart is moving towards real people… not a place where people have to wear masks to prove to others how perfect they are. If the church is exactly like work or school or home, how could the church be a place of hope? My heart is moving to where people are flawed, people are damaged, people have baggage, and where God can be God, and where He really is enough.
When is it okay to indulge in your flaws and negative emotions?
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Comments (61)
@AwkwardAndy@xanga - what? Saying she was pagan?
She is pagan. She wrote a post about it.
She wrote a post about being pagan and about going to church as a pagan.
She was perfectly fine with what I said. We have had conversations since that on her blog.
Not sure why you are taking exception to something I said to her when she has not taken any.
I have stopped trying to look for "real" people in the church. I've come to realize (at least it is true in my life) that I can't trust anyone in the church to be completely real, non-judgmental, or "good". They all fall completely short of the blank we are supposed to be aiming to strive for. Including me. I don't believe in confiding or trusting anyone other than God. Learning to hear His voice and distinguish it in a crowd of voices is the only hope for me. From my experience people tend to tell you what they think, and label it as if it were God's words. Most do not have the ability to detach themselves, from whatever personal agenda they might have.
... Probably not the right person to be asking right now.
I have never meet a "real" person in church yet.
thank you for being youuuu
first of all, this was really well put and i completely agree with you.
i notice the same things about people who are deeply immersed in christianity, and i think the act is not only for an audience but also for themselves out of a slight sense of denial. people tend to think of God as an altruistic mega being who only does good things, and if you've read JD Salinger's book Franny and Zooey (which is basically about examining belief and taking your own path because that's the one you'll obviously understand the best), Zooey makes a point of saying that people think of God as their favorite heroes and their own loving fathers put together instead of what is actually described in the bible, which is far from most people's ideas of a loving father figure.
with this misconception, people feel obligated to keep up not only their image as a christian but also the one of the God that they believe in as to NOT look foolish. it's just funny because they DO look foolish doing this, and their guises are pretty transparent if you ask me. no one wants to feel like their life has been a lie, and i think that some people find it easier to constantly justify and overcompensate to keep up their image and flow rather than to start over and reexamine their entire belief system. it has to do with our nature of having too much pride and not enough patience or energy to overcome our laziness. religion and human nature really don't mesh well, because not very many people have the genuine curiosity or concern to get it right, yet we insist on participating.
and of course the image i get from all of this is the soccer mom in full makeup and fancy sweatsuit driving her mini van from home goods to a pta meeting with a smile plastered on her face. with possibly a bible verse on her daily planner. so whoever this original soccer mom was that soiled the image, you should be ashamed. i see a time out in your future.
and as a sidenote, if it wasn't obvious, im so not a christian. im pretty solid with believing in the universe and what it has to offer... im not sold on the organized religion. i think if you TRULY have faith in something, you dont need the confirmation and reassurance of others to believe it.
Ha.
Christians also tend to be more judgmental than the rest of us, but somehow see themselves as oh-so-kind. Explain that to me, please. (In all seriousness).
@mocha_latte@xanga - thank you :)
@jonchin_19@xanga - i know God will work in you to reveal himself. hang in there!
@seattlepam@xanga - i feel ya. it's something i'm going through right now... it's hard to sort religious acts and GOD and myself... but he's faithful and good and in control.
@kangaroo5383@xanga - of course it's possible that christians are genuinely trying to fight their negative emotions. i think that's part of the struggle. i'm not trying to say that we as christians are all fake, not at all. this post was an epiphany from my own personal struggles of having a mask and trying to be perfect, and an encouragement for anyone out there who's also struggling with the same thing. in my experience, God wants me to be real... meaning, he doesn't want me to hide my sins or pretend to be someone i'm not... but to be completely honest with him, whether i'm angry at him, sad, happy, apathetic... because when i'm real and honest, then he can work in my heart. if i'm in denial, he can't do anything within me to glorify himself. we can't be the salt and light unless he fills us with his spirit.
the point i was trying to make is that we're human and we're going to fail. and that's okay. it's impossible not to fail and not to sin. BUT, it's not okay to cheapen God's grace by taking advantage of God's forgiving nature and sin as much as we want. in light of his incredible grace and mercy, it actually makes me want to live a life that glorifies him. hope that makes sense :)
@Roadkill_Spatula@xanga - praise God! he's so good!
@DHSPoet@xanga - you're blessed to never have that lurking guilt of perfection looming over you. it might've been my surroundings, it might've been my perfectionistic nature. and i totally agree; if we think we have to be perfect, then bring on the slap of reality!
@shedinator@xanga - i appreciate your honesty. not all of my friends are like that... in fact, i feel so blessed because i have some of the most real, "unholy" christian friends who are incredibly dear to me, and who contintually push me closer to Christ. it was just interesting because i was thinking about what "foolish Christians" meant for about a week before i had written that post, and then i read that msn article (in the previous article i wrote before this one) that just kinda made everything click.
@WasaiWarrior@xanga - so true. i agree that for a lot of Christians (not all of them), it's hard to set yourself apart and to be completely objective... and it's true for me, too! i've tried for so long to create this perfect shell of who i thought i should be that any criticism was a blow to my pride and i couldn't take it.
@candyhearts13@xanga - thanks for sharing. you're a kindred, real soul :)
@ultravioletrobin@xanga - God is working, and it's painful, hard, but exciting and joyful! thanks for the encouragement!
@Angelis4Christ@xanga - it makes me sad to hear that. though it may be difficult to find someone "real," we should also beware of judging others of not being "real enough." they probably don't even realize that they're being fake... and they might even be as real as they can be! i can definitely still be fake and know all the right christiany words to say, but praise God that he's still working in me.
if you ever want to have a REAL conversation, you can hit me up sometime :) i'll try to be as real as possible :P
@wondering - i really can't say for all of christianity, because each person has their own unique paths, experiences, hurts, issues and views of God. not all christians out there who say they're christian are truly saved, so i can't explain why they would do the things that they do. i can't even explain why christians who ARE saved do the things that they do.
in my personal experience, i used to be one of those really judgmental christians who thought i was "good" because i did a lot of things at church. but underneath all of that self-righteousness was a fear that God would reject me and cut me off if i didn't do A, B and C. this is totally opposite of what the Word says, and i bought into satan's lie for a really long time.
God's just now starting to disable those fears of wanting to do good works in order to please him, and is filling me with his hope, his love and grace, and showing me that it's his kindness (not fear) that brings people to repentance. he's showing me that there's NOTHING that i can do to earn any kind of love or salvation, but it was through his Son and HIM alone. now that i'm seeing God morme clearly, i no longer have to judge other people in order to make myself feel better, but i can let God flow through me to other people. hope that made sense.
yeah, i know what it's like being around Christians who actually aren't good role models, people a lot like the people you've mentioned.
@vvorldsapart@xanga - Thank you, and I'll be sure to keep that in mind.
I completely agree with you. I am sick of the "holier than thou" attitude that I see on a daily basis. I try so hard to do my best, but when I slip up, I don't freak out. That's not what He wants us to do. He just wants us to do better. As long as you're not just shrugging off your mistakes, moving on with your life is the best thing to do when it comes to messing up. Great post!