Sunday, 20 July 2008
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My Non-Christian Friends Are More Mature Than My Christian Ones
from vvorldsapart
A continuation of Self-Sacrifice Does Not Mean Self-Neglect
I look at a few of my non-Christian friends and I feel like in some parts of their lives, they’re so much more emotionally mature than the Christians I know. They seem more self-aware, they don’t front, and they’re just very real. When they’re being moody or ugly, they admit it and are able to laugh it off. I realize that Christians have a really hard time doing that because we’ve been brainwashed to think that we have to be perfect all the time, and so even a negative thought or an angry word is immediately followed with guilt and repentance for being human. I’m not saying that everything out of negative emotion is justified, but why beat yourself up for having a human reaction? How do we de-wire ourselves from this ridiculous mindset that we’re not allowed to get upset, get angry, and even be ugly sometimes?
When I heard that Christians are supposed to be the “fools of the world,” I really had no idea how literal the application would be. I always assumed we were "foolish" because we were willing to give our lives (or, are we?) for something intangible, something we don’t even get to fully enjoy or have in fulfillment in this lifetime. It makes me wonder how can we even reach out to the unbelieving if we don’t even have our own lives figured out? If we’re still emotionally underdeveloped that we come off as inept or childish?
I’m tired of Christians looking like stupid fools. Maybe, just maybe, if we were the humans we were created to be, we’d realize that we can’t do anything God told us to do in our own strength, and we’d ask Him for help. And we depend on Him and His strength. And through that, we can actually accomplish what God told us to do. Maybe if we embrace our humanness and embrace that we do have needs and we do have baggage and broken parts, then we don’t have to place ourselves higher than other people to make ourselves feel better. Maybe if I see how truly messed up I am and stop being in denial because of all the good works I’d been piling up, then I can finally, in humility, come to God and just want Him. Maybe his grace will be able to change my heart. Maybe He can be real in my life, and I no longer have to be jealous of the “holy” people who encounter Him in real ways everyday. Maybe, just maybe, this is the way it was supposed to be… people being people, and God being God.
My heart is moving towards real people… not a place where people have to wear masks to prove to others how perfect they are. If the church is exactly like work or school or home, how could the church be a place of hope? My heart is moving to where people are flawed, people are damaged, people have baggage, and where God can be God, and where He really is enough.
When is it okay to indulge in your flaws and negative emotions?
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Comments (61)
@dancerqt66@xanga - that's the problem with Christians sometimes. unfortunately they don't realize that you have to express yourself. having joy doesn't mean you are happy and smiley all the time. david the psalmist expressed how much hurt he was in! it's okay to be sad or angry. you can't lie and say that you are doing great. it helps so much to be able to say that you are not doing fine, that you are hurting. masks are not fun on you or anybody else.
@sheepthatsblack@xanga - i feel your pain. i've been frustrated lately with how shallow people's faith is. it's so frustrating, and they don't realize that there is so much more to being a Christian! they lose focus on eternity, and that is something a Christian should be keeping in the forefront of their mind.
Awesome post. I think often Christians don't give non-Christians enough credit, that they are still going through life and learning things and can be touched by the Lord and the truth even without recognizing it. And also Christians want to think of themselves as perfect, or at least perpetuate the image, which I believe is a form of falsehood. We're all human after all. I especially liked the part about letting humans be human and God be God - while we should still try not to sin, we need to acknowledge that life is not going to be perfect and neither are we.
These sentiments resonate strongly with me. The most accurate view I've come to have of the true condition of our world is from my non-Christian friends, mainly because they don't have a "pat and easy" answer to appeal to. This is especially true in understanding humanitarian development, genocide, and other crises. Christians often blunder into these situations with good intentions but poor capacity for follow-up because they aren't able to take an objective assessment of errors and flaws yet refuse to accept criticism (often interpreting it as "compromise"). They come up with easy answers to incredibly difficult questions and therefore expect "easy" solutions. This is often seen in complex situations like the HIV/AIDS crisis, politics, and orphanages. While Christians have made great progress in other areas (like abolitiionists, suffrage, etc), we are often naive.
Jesus said it best when instructing us to be as "innocent as doves and wily as serpents." Sometimes we act wily as doves and innocent as serpents.
we're not supposed to be the foolos OF the world, we're supposed to SEEM like fools TO the world. If your Christian friends are the type that feign perfectness, refuse to grow- most likely for fear of making their current selves seem imperfect-, or are just plain immature, perhaps you don't have the right Christian friends.
On the other hand, it IS possible (although I don't know, since I don't have first hand knowledge of your personal situation) that you are looking at your Christian friends through the eyes of the world, and they therefore seem foolish.
I'm not saying that's the case with you, but I have seen it on other occasions. Usually, it's a kid that goes off to college, then comes back for Christmas and begins telling his/her family how naive or dumb they are. Once again, not necessarily the case with you. And no, I'm not bashing college, I happen to love mine.
@Path2heaven@xanga - hmm..yea..being angry and sin are two different things though, but anger can most of the time lead to sin. But for God to be angry, it's a different thing because He's holy, it's holy anger.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:25-27)
Well, I first off have to say that...I am Christian, and it was never smashed into my head that I have to be perfect. That I can never be mad or anything like that, but I do become guilty after I get mad. Not because it is a human reaction, I'm just guilty because I don't like getting mad.
And if you have not embraced that you ARE human, and you are far from perfect, then you need to get a slap from reality. As a human, you are imperfect and that is how it is going to be until the end of time. You can't be anything else, that's how it is meant to be.
the reason of all of it is = we're humans and NO ONE is perfect. no
offence but even pastors who are super holy are not a perfect human
being..
we can only improve ourselves by clinging onto God's word in order to live in a better life.
we can't cling on to non christians. they could be more mature in a way based on their perspectives in life.
Was David perfect? No. When he was angry about something, he was honest about it. When he was scared, he was honest about it. When he did wrong, he was honest about it and repented. I agree with a lot of what you said in this post, and I agree that we need to be confront our feelings and emotions, even the negative ones, and be honest. If there is anything that I want to be, it's real.
If we're supposed to have the Light in our lives, we need to let it shine in even the darkest, most hidden places.
i think it's okay to be yourself no matter what... but it's a whole world from overreacting and being childish.
thanks for this post. it's wonderful! =D 5 stars and a recommend!
Timely post for me personally. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree with you whole-heartedly.
its always best to indulge in those flaws. otherwise, wouldnt you simply be lying to yourself about your own true nature? and if you are hiding that - how can you truly begin to heal and move forward with the process of becoming a better person? good stuff.
Not being perfect is what makes us human. If we try to be perfect, we are just trying to be like God.
@LifeNeedsProtection@xanga - that is one of the most insightful comments i've come across. ;)
i am very self-critical and have to learn under God's grace to let God be God. :)
People are comfortable around those who are comfortable with themselves, pagan or believer. A Christian who is frank and real is refreshing, in spite of imperfections. If you're open, your long-term friends see you grow up, and they are usually aware of the tenderness that God is developing in your soul.
Insecurity is probably the most crippling thing we struggle with. I've finally gained a level of emotional and spiritual security in my late 40s that I think should have come in my 20s.
I didn't really have a grasp on God's grace and how he sees me until recently, and it has been life-changing, absolutely radical, to realize that God loves me deeply in spite of everything, and that I am absolutely and completely forgiven for my past and present sins.
I now understand things about being a man that were mysteries five years ago.
For instance, security allows me to accept being under authority. This has somehow removed the fear I used to have of authority. I was often passive-aggressive. I scorned authority figures, but then would choke or bluster if they called me to account. But I haven't been intimidated by anyone in several years now.
Accepting authority has also freed me to be a leader. Stepping into leadership roles (which I used to avoid) has made me realize I was created to lead, at least in certain domains. I was surprised to find that I enjoy leading and do it well.
My insecurity used to keep me from being transparent about the things that scared me the most. If I had been able to tell my wife, "I'm carrying a overwhelming load of guilt and shame, and have no idea how to get rid of it," or "There's this huge barrier between me and you, and I don't know how to tear it down," or "How can I reach your heart?", my marriage wouldn't have ended. But instead I shut down emotionally and buried myself in depression. I couldn't talk frankly about the things that mattered the most. When we did talk about important subjects, in my mind it was like a chess game: if I say this, she's going to respond that way. I couldn't bare my soul.
If I had understood the radical nature of God's grace, I wouldn't have been carrying that load of guilt and shame in the first place. It still would have been scary to talk about my failures, but not utterly overwhelming. The fear of losing the marriage wouldn't have been crippling, because the relationship wouldn't have been the source of my identity, and my principal moral accountability would not have been to my wife.
instead of looking at them like they "front" and pretend to be "perfect". It is possible that those Christians are genuinely trying to fight their own negative emotions? I agree that most non-Christians can be more "real", but as Christians though we can't be 100% we are not called to be "real" in the Bible, we are called to be light and salt, called to be people who fight against our sinful nature.
It is ok to be real, but as human are naturally sinful is that ok to indulge on that?
Thank you for saying what needs to be said.
Christians, let's grow up. We are not of the world, but we are IN the world, and it's time we accepted it. The world is not holy. It is not pure, it is not anything like heaven, but it is our stomping ground, at least for a while. If we're hoping to change it, we're going to have to understand how things work and, for God's sake (literally), loosen up a little.
@pja2@xanga - Just watch out that you don't fall into the trap of thinking you can judge for yourself who is or isn't Christian. After all, "man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart". And "for the same measure you judge others, so too will you be judged". Don't get into the habit of calling others "false Christians", lest others point that finger at you. Leave it to your God.
The way to become all these things is to stop believing that you are worthless without god. When you forget what you were led to believe out of fear, then you will truely be content with the nature of your humanity.
@Andrea_TheNerd@xanga - please re-read my post....
the second paragraph :::::
Christians are not perfect.... We never will be... But there are those that are true Christians and Jesus knows who they are.... when the time comes HE will reward them ... The others..... I don' t know
--------------------------------- what part of my post do you disagree with?
This blog hits home. I have spent a large part of my life as a Christian. In the last decade where I was the most zealous in my belief sytem, I was the least real. I hid a bunch of emotions, and felt confined and forever restricted. I was constantly second guessing everything I did, and I never felt like I could ever do anything right. I felt like I was waging a losing battle. Since I have stepped away from religion I am learning so many things about myself. I already know the negative things, I have spent so many years feeling guilty about them. But I am beginning to learn there are things about myself that I have considered bad that aren't so bad. I think I am emotionally stunted as a result of being religious.
@pja2@xanga - Did I say that I disagreed with you? :)
came to this randomly, but i love it. i'm having the exact same struggle right now.
God doesn't expect anything of anybody, although that is only my opinion.
i feel like He lets me find things out for myself, and whenever i do something wrong He knows i feel guilty and that is enough.
God is the person i seek out when i need to escape.
He shouldn't be the one you're hiding from, or the person you need to live up to.
you're not God, so you should just be yourself and not try to be perfect.
if you live your life honestly and naturally, God will let everything else fall into place.
@Kristenmomof3@xanga - That comment you said to HeartOfPandora was pretty damn bitchy.
great post. :)