Sunday, 20 July 2008
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My Non-Christian Friends Are More Mature Than My Christian Ones
from vvorldsapart
A continuation of Self-Sacrifice Does Not Mean Self-Neglect
I look at a few of my non-Christian friends and I feel like in some parts of their lives, they’re so much more emotionally mature than the Christians I know. They seem more self-aware, they don’t front, and they’re just very real. When they’re being moody or ugly, they admit it and are able to laugh it off. I realize that Christians have a really hard time doing that because we’ve been brainwashed to think that we have to be perfect all the time, and so even a negative thought or an angry word is immediately followed with guilt and repentance for being human. I’m not saying that everything out of negative emotion is justified, but why beat yourself up for having a human reaction? How do we de-wire ourselves from this ridiculous mindset that we’re not allowed to get upset, get angry, and even be ugly sometimes?
When I heard that Christians are supposed to be the “fools of the world,” I really had no idea how literal the application would be. I always assumed we were "foolish" because we were willing to give our lives (or, are we?) for something intangible, something we don’t even get to fully enjoy or have in fulfillment in this lifetime. It makes me wonder how can we even reach out to the unbelieving if we don’t even have our own lives figured out? If we’re still emotionally underdeveloped that we come off as inept or childish?
I’m tired of Christians looking like stupid fools. Maybe, just maybe, if we were the humans we were created to be, we’d realize that we can’t do anything God told us to do in our own strength, and we’d ask Him for help. And we depend on Him and His strength. And through that, we can actually accomplish what God told us to do. Maybe if we embrace our humanness and embrace that we do have needs and we do have baggage and broken parts, then we don’t have to place ourselves higher than other people to make ourselves feel better. Maybe if I see how truly messed up I am and stop being in denial because of all the good works I’d been piling up, then I can finally, in humility, come to God and just want Him. Maybe his grace will be able to change my heart. Maybe He can be real in my life, and I no longer have to be jealous of the “holy” people who encounter Him in real ways everyday. Maybe, just maybe, this is the way it was supposed to be… people being people, and God being God.
My heart is moving towards real people… not a place where people have to wear masks to prove to others how perfect they are. If the church is exactly like work or school or home, how could the church be a place of hope? My heart is moving to where people are flawed, people are damaged, people have baggage, and where God can be God, and where He really is enough.
When is it okay to indulge in your flaws and negative emotions?
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Comments (61)
agree!
We're human. That's all we've ever been, and it's all we'll ever be. That's all we should ever strive to be. It saddens me that people think they need to be perfect to be loved, or be perfect to get into heaven. If God really wanted us to be perfect, he wouldn't have created our flaws, he wouldn't have created hatred, sorrow, and pain. Basically he wouldn't have created us at all.
There is no such thing as perfection in humanity.
Just live life how you were born to, that's all God is asking for.
This is one of the reasons why I have back off and unChristian myself.
that guilt that follows a negative thought or angry word is good. that is the Holy Spirit convicting you of what you did wrong. you need to be sensitive to that and not just brush it off and say "well, i'm only human, i can't be perfect." we are to strive toward perfection, aka Jesus.
none of us will ever be perfect, don't get me wrong. you're right about asking God for strength. it's good to acknowledge your faults, but to repent means to turn away. we have to ask God to help us avoid falling into that same sin. everyone will fall into temptation, but no temptation put in front of you is too much for you to handle. (1 corinthians 10:13)
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - God didn't create hatred, sorrow, or pain. God is perfect and good. those things came into the world with sin. sin entering the world was like pandora's box: sickness, disease, pain, hatred, sorrow... so, God didn't create our flaws, those are a result of sin. humans actually were perfect when God created them, adam and eve. He looked at His creation and said "it is good." :)
It is very tiring and weary playing the Holy Spirit. Something I have learned over the years. Something I wish others would learn as well. Good post.
@droftreeology@xanga - I don't believe in the original sin, though, or any kind of sin really, so you see my predicament.
On Xanga, I know an awful lot of atheists... and I enjoy their conversation, their willingness to think, and their ability to accept the whole palette of human emotion.
My Christian friends are few, but tend to be more well-rounded than a lot of the more religious Xangans.
Sometimes it seems like the only emotion many Christians allow themselves to feel is pure anger. =:(
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - well, that is a predicament! :)
@fullmetalbunny@xanga - there are well-rounded Christians on here?
I kid ^.^
listen to your heart
Honestly I don't see that too often with my christian friends. We realize that no one is perfect
"All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
Romans 3:23
My faith is based on grace, and I can't expect to be perfect.
@msLadygee@xanga - but what would that mean? this can mean anything from “giving up on the Christian worldview” to “trying very hard to translate Christian talk to something non-Christians can understand”.
@droftreeology@xanga - I agree
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - how can you not believe in sin and call yourself a christian? The bible is very clear on the issue. Do you not believe in the bible?
@Jawns_gnu_blog@xanga - right we will never be perfect but we are supposed to try to follow the bible and what the Lord say. Will we fail sometimes? Yes. Praise the Lord for the blood atonement of Jesus and the grace he extends to us.
Didn't Jesus himself get angry at people? I'm sure he was never "moody," but he was also perfect. We are not. There is nothing wrong with being moody - as long as you don't let that become an excuse to be mean etc. And at least be up-front about it.
There's nothing that breaks my heart more than seeing a Christian friend who is all smiles on the outside and constantly cheerful, but then finding out that something is tearing them up inside, but they felt like they couldn't share it or express it because they're supposed to be happy all the time.
@Kristenmomof3@xanga - Errr well this is kind of awkward... you might want to skim this over a bit.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - oh ok :) you are pagan :)
i feel like that your post just made me feel 'real'...
i've been feeling very at-odds with a lot of the 'real' christians in my life... because i'm very outspoken about everything. I'm incredibly realistic in well... everything I do and I say.
How do you re-wire yourself?
Spend time with the non-christians... but keep your eyes on the prize.. Keep your focus on Jesus.
Realize that life still has pain and suffering-- and Christianity is not all butterflies and gummy bears and sunshine-vomit. I'm painfully optimistic, and my friends hate it, usually. But I'm also painfully realistic about life.
I've struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, i Had a therapist and anti-depressants when I was in high school...I struggled with being a cutter (self-mutilation, cutting, burning, etc, etc...)
But I was still smiling through it.. on the praise band, in the choir and orchestra, helping with the nursery....
Why fake it? Sometimes Christianity is hard. There are valleys and there are mountain tops and that's okay.
There is nothing wrong with struggling -- unless you don't ask for help and you don't reach for Jesus... right? I'm totally guilty of this.
None of us will ever be perfect, but it's well.... a goal to strive to become more and more like Jesus everyday, right?
atleast i think so.
have you read Tuesdays with Morrie? there's this one conversation in there where morrie talks to mitch albom about self-pity. the book in itself was alright.... but i find that specific conversation really meaningful and relevant to this.
Believe me. The masks people wear are sometimes so good that you don't even recognize that it is only a mask. That explains why the divorce rate between christians and non christians is identical. The self rightiousness between christians and non christians is identical.
It seems to me no one is looking at Christ. Just each other. Where is the hope there? If there is one shread of truth in anything other than Christ, let me know. I haven't found it.
Just calling yourself a "Christian" doesnt mean you really are one.... Look at some of the artists and stars of not very nice products.... you see a crucifix on their neck. Its becoming a piece of jewlrey anymore.
Christians are not perfect.... We never will be... But there are those that are true Christians and Jesus knows who they are.... when the time comes HE will reward them ... The others..... I don' t know
I've definitely noticed this to...
Why is it that Christians take the same, crude jokes (which were lame the first time around) and continue using them long after the general fad has (finally) died away? ("That's what she said" jokes. Case in point.) I sit in one of my Bible Studies and I feel like I'm in middle school again....it's really pathetic sometimes.
I don't think it's just "we have to be perfect all the time"; I think the opposite is at play as well: "I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm forgiven, so I'm just going to be stupid because God will still love me." Neither are Biblical, but I think both those extremes are partly to blame.
It makes me sad...because I need deep people around me, and when I'm surrounded by shallow Christians...then who am I supposed to talk about deep theological things with?
great post!
Oh wow , you should be very excited because you are experiencing your indwelling spirit , the counselor you were promised .Hes been there all along and answers to what is true but is unable to go against your free will.
You are so loved and will soon realize what you are looking for was never lost just waiting for you to pay attention. You are not seperate from God and he has not condemned you.
Creation and evolution are happening right now with your thoughts .Do your thoughts come from a place of ego and desire or are they in line with the Spirit ?
Thoughts are like prayers my friend they go out there and are answered .
Accept that you are having a negative thought , ask yourself why and what purpose it serves , learn what you can from it and forget about it .
Great question!
Many people put on the mask because Jesus taught us that anger is a sin.(Matt 5:21-22) No, we are not suppose be angry at our neighbors.
I do not think a person can be "allowed" to be angry or not. He/she either is or is not. The "allowing" part is more about the expression of anger, which does not really matter to God who examines the heart instead of the appearance.
However, we have to be honest with ourselves. We don't have the ability to control or change our own hearts. Only God can change that. We have to recognize that fact and rely on His power.
Anger at injustice is perfectly fine in my opinion.. After all, Jesus got angry at the money changer in the Temple. God was angry at sin Israelite committed against him.
@dancerqt66@xanga - Right, and how tragic for that person who is not able to share their true feelings because they feel like they have to keep up that "perfect Christian" image. We should be about reality, flaws and all, not images. It also makes it hard to get to truly know a lot of Christians; they're fine as long as you keep playing the image game, but they feel uncomfortable if you're too much of your real, complicated self.