Friday, 11 July 2008
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Are There Enough Prostitutes At Your Church?
by mr. maple
"I told a story in my book The Jesus I Never Knew, a true story that long afterward continued to haunt me. I heard it from a friend who works with the down-and-out in Chicago:'A prostitute came to me in wretched straits, homeless, sick, unable to buy food for her two-year-old daughter. Through sobs and tears, she told me she had been renting out her daughter - two years old! - to men interested in kinky sex. She made more renting out her daughter for an hour than she could earn on her own in a night. She had to do it, she said, to support her own drug habit. I could hardly bear hearing her sordid story. For one thing, it made me legally liable - I'm required to report cases of child abuse. I had no idea what to say to this woman.
At last I asked if she had ever thought of going to a church for help. I will never forget the look of pure, naive shock that crossed her face. "Church!" she cried. "Why would I ever go there? I was already feeling terrible about myself. They'd just make me feel worse."'What struck me about my friend's story is that women much like this prostitute fled toward Jesus, not away from him. The worse a person felt about herself, the more likely she saw Jesus as a refuge. Has the church lost that gift? Evidently the down-and-out, who flocked to Jesus when he lived on earth, no longer feel welcome among his followers. What has happened?" -What's So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey.
While the title of this post is intentionally explicit and shocking, so are many of the characters and people Jesus encountered during his time on earth. Our first reaction to this question of "who belongs in church?" is to quickly assert that we shouldn't encourage people to do things that are wrong. This is obvious. However, the next question then becomes, who is it we encourage to come to church in the first place?
Encouraging someone to come to church or an invitation to follow Christ is not just about the words we say. It is in the way we listen to or condescend a person, the places we go to simply be ourselves or with the explicit intention of evangelism, the type of friends we choose to make or avoid.
I am not saying that we deliberately dilute the gospel to pander to people's sense of entertainment or religiosity (though much of modern evangelism works this way!) I am only saying that the true gospel is something that holds promise, rebuke, and hope to people of all backgrounds even if it offends them. But perhaps something is wrong when a particular ethnic or socioeconomic group emerges as the dominant culture in a church. Perhaps something is wrong when the church is no longer the first thing people consider when they are in desperate need of mercy and grace. Perhaps something is wrong when we allow the insidiousness of our desire for power, beauty, and popularity to pervert the way in which we express and encourage community.
If you know a person by the company she keeps, what does your company say about your self image? If your contacts with non-Christian friends are limited to painful exchanges at the office, what does that say about your sense of self-righteousness? If all your friends are of a particular ethnic group, what does that say about your belief in the unity and uniqueness of cultures? If all your acquaintances are wealthy (or at least middle class), what does that say about your opinion of the poor and your insecurity over personal belongings and life? What is the condition of your soul? What is the atmosphere of your church? What can be done (or has been done through the gospel) to change these things?
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Comments (129)
@hoheup@xanga - Unfortunately, I don't know what happened to the people in the anecdote... I can only imagine that her response was not unusual, and there are countless people who don't even consider going to church because they don't feel "good enough to fit in" or are afraid of the looks of condescension. Many of them are my friends and continue to fear churches (perhaps in the same way many Christians fear mosques?)
@ProvokingThought - I love that song; one of the hidden points in this post was that we are all prostitutes, and if we cannot accept those who actually have a history in that profession we are living a sad self-delusion.
General comments: Really, the fundamental question is not about the spiritual state of the person entering the doors of the church for the first time. The question is, if YOU were a prostitute, a business executive, a homeless man, a surly teenager, a doctor, what would be your first impressions? Would you immediately feel the weight of countless pre-formed notions created simply by your social status? Would you feel out of place? Would you even feel welcome?
At my church we were thinking of bringing in a speaker to our youth group who had once lived a "loose" lifestyle to talk about purity and the change in heart he encountered through Christ. We immediately received strong resistance from parents who 1) wanted to know the HIV status of the speaker (since we had heard he testified that he was HIV+), and 2) didn't want their children being exposed to someone with an STI. I was livid with rage and anger and sadness. Granted, there is a strong protective instinct in parents, but at what cost to the gospel? What is it we tell people about who we think ought to enter the doors of the church?
If God judges let him judge; while we exercise discretion and are not unwise in our decisions, let us not insert ourselves as the barrier between someone and the God who longs for him or her... after all, that has been the only thing a person can do to invoke the wrath of God.
My church actually is pretty accepting of people and their problems. If you need help they will give it...
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I am sorry, but what exactly do you base that assumption on?
There is a certain amount of contextual judgement a Christian is supposed to do.
What we are not to do is judge the heart of man, but we are also told that external behaviors are the signs of internalization of the gospel and should indeed be tested.
Wow, I don't know about other readers, but this is so beautifully true. The church is all about being in a state of 'fine' these days, that no one can really say "I'm not okay, I need this or that." Well written, convicting, and brutally true.
@mrmaple - I enjoyed your post very much and found it very stimulating.
Personally I find that at times it is a very hard walk to walk....
I was responsible in my last church for a junkie in my home group (ie I was her cell group leader). She had been in the church for years.... and kept falling back into it no matter how much time/love/help/resources/prayer ministry was given to her.
Where does a Christian draw the line?
How many times do you pick someone up?
Give hand outs?
Listen to the lies?
Over look the pretense?
I am keenly aware that Jesus while embracing people whole heartedly also often sent them a way with the words "Go and sin no more".
Grace is such a remarkable thing and I praise God that I have been his recipient of it, but when like in Romans is Grace cheapened because it is treated casually by it's recipients?
Just some further thoughts.
@DiORABLEALLUREX3@xanga - "You act like Non-Christians don't have morals. PEOPLE are supposed to know better." Non-Christians have "morals" that are dependent on feelings and are relative to the person. As a non-Christian, I never murdered anyone, but I retaliated when I was treated badly. I was a moral person, in my mind. When I became a Christian, my worldview changed. I changed. I suddenly realized that I had been living a false life based on my own set of rules and not God's. Interestingly enough, God's laws are in everything. But non-Christians tend to deny His authority and amend those rules according to their own wishes, wants, and circumstances. You say people are supposed to know better. My point of view is this--if you deny Christ, if you live a life according to your own rules, then how do you know better? What is your standard? I know better than to judge a person because God says not to. But He does remind me that it is my job to be diligent about my own behavior and to be discerning about the behavior of others. If a person walks into my church and is living an immoral life than I absolutely can help them see that they are living an immoral lifestyle. That is not judgment. That is love. To share my own experiences--to share with them how I have changed--that is love. A non-Christian ignores the behavior. A non-Christian will say "It doesn't affect me, so I'm not saying anything." A non-Christian may even go so far as to say "Well, I don't struggle with that. I'm stronger than that person." Who is moral?
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - Amen! There is something that most of us are not learning in church---that we are no better than anyone else. I know that we say that we're no better, but in most of my Christian life, I was not taught in church either by word or example to think I was no better than non-Christians. I was taught that we who had 'the truth' were more in God's grace than those who 'didn't have the truth.' I was also taught that the Christians who were more showily pious were better than those who had trouble and chaos in their lives. So even though noone ever said 'don't be judgmental', we all were.
@sarahsD@xanga - I think if you took la_faerie at her word you'd understand what she meant--we are judgmental. We look down on people who don't live the good Christian life. This is wrong. Any 'judging' we're supposed to do is supposed to be directly mainly toward ourselves. You only have the right to tell someone else how to live when you have investing in them personally, become their friend and shown you are on their side. But judging someone you don't know is dangerous to them and to your own soul.
@ProvokingThought - Ah, I'm a lot busier now that chem has started and I need to stop wasting time online.
I think it's fair for Christians to decide who they want to be around and spend their time with. Surely, they cannot censor their thoughts of who is "truly" following the gospel. However, this latter judgment will often be inaccurate, because only God has all the information necessary to decide whether someone is truly following him or not.
Even when confronting people you believe have done something wrong, it's always best to give them the benefit of the doubt, whether we're looking at this through a Christian perspective or not. So, instead of saying, "I know you lied to me when you said you were sick - I know you ditched me to hang out with _____," you could say, "It really hurt me last week when we couldn't hang out, because I felt as though you weren't entirely truthful with me. I love you deeply and you're one of my closest friends, so this suspicion has been very painful. Could you please be honest with me about what happened so we can work through this?"
In the second one, you still have a very good idea of what they did, but you give them a chance to explain themselves and then offer redemption. I think there's a very clear difference between the approaches, and I think that's what Christians fail to see - you can decide to go to a different church because you think the people at one are not trying to reform their lives. You can confront your friends about things you think they have done wrong. You can even cut people out of your life if they have hurt you so badly that you can't stand it anymore. What you can't do is make assumptions that you are not qualified to make, because you don't know what they're thinking.
@SnoozleToo@xanga - who does? I don't. The bible tells me that spiritual things are as foolishness to those who are not spiritual. Why would I expect them to live by a principle they don't understand nor haven't embraced?
When I point a finger forward at someone - the greater worry to me is the 3 pointing back in my own direction.
And as a Christian, we have a HUGE responsibility to make sure we are living up to the teachings of Christ..... individually and corporately.
@ProvokingThought - "The church in many ways has beome the son who stayed home and was bitter when the lost son returned. He just didnt get it and in many ways neither does the american church today. Sad."
Amen, John!
@sarahsD@xanga - I believe I addressed this above in my comment to ProvokingThought. Let me know if this doesn't adequately answer your concern.
@SnoozleToo@xanga -
Right. And that's one of the things I couldn't stand about
Christianity. It takes a special kind of perspective to wrap all of
this together and fight your instinctual nature to judge people on
surface observations. Most people simply aren't taught that as
children, and don't ever work it out for themselves (though I do know
one woman who did work it out herself - I have the greatest of respect
for her).
If more people in the world - Christian and otherwise - realized where
judgments can be helpful and where they are simply divisive, I think we
would all be much better off. Surely, I myself am a horrible example of this (I make judgments all the time), but I at least try to be reasonable about the judgments I make, while most people do this on an emotional basis. Not liking someone does NOT mean they're a horrible person. *sigh*
@sarahsD@xanga - I glad you clarified. Your earlier post looked very much like you were condoning judgmentalism, but were muddying the language so it would look nicer than it is.
@SnoozleToo@xanga - I am condoning fruit checking within the body of Christ... only Christ can judge a heart.
Very thought-provoking, and unfortunately very true...we are doing a huge disservice to the most needy parts of humanity (not to mention to ourselves and God) by making them feel like the church is the last place they could go to for help. Like sunshinecountry pointed out, since we're trying to follow biblical standards, we wouldn't be able to tell a prostitute that what she's doing is ok, but we should definitely be ready to accept her into our community lovingly, to guide her in the right direction, and to help her change her life.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - Your attitude sounds great to me! You know your weakness and tendency to judge, so you try to reign it in. That's all any of us can do. The worst thing is to find justifications for our judgmentalism and feed it. The best thing is to recognize it. The delusional thing is believe we have none of it.
@sarahsD@xanga - I never heard this phrase: 'fruit checking.' What do you mean?
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - while I understand what you are saying and one can not judge the heart and thoughts of man. Outward behavior is often a good indication of things that are happening internally in one way or another.
So yes clarification is a good thing always, and for it to be free from assumptions and judgment is a healthy thing.
Yet when word and deed do not match up.... do not people need to be held responsible for that?
@SnoozleToo@xanga - Matthew 7 puts it this way....
15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.
21"Not
everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of
heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many
will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your
name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
@sarahsD@xanga - Well, this is interesting. The first quote you gave is about how to judge our leaders. That is entirely different from judging our fellows. Leaders need to be judged if they;re going to be given any authority over us and are going to teach us. You can't justify judging other people with this excerpt.
The second example is God's warning to us. We are supposed to examine ourselves by it, not each other.
The more you and I talk, the stronger is my impression that you are looking for justifications for judgmentalism. I may be wrong, but you keep circling back to the discussion to find reasons to judge.
@SnoozleToo@xanga - Matthew 7 is a measure by how we are to correct our leaders yes.... but really, not just our leaders, ourselves and each other.
First we are to make sure our own noses are clean- clear the plank. Then we are to deal with the speck in our 'brothers' eye (I believe is the word used).
It does not say to deal with the plank and leave the speck, it just shows you how to do it properly.
I do not need any justification to be judgmental ... because Jesus will hold me accountable for that.... for how I judge I will be judged.
But that does not excuse the 'Body' of 'Christ' from holding each other accountable for the beliefs that they claim to adhere too.
The first part of Matthew 7....
1"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You
hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will
see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
@sarahsD@xanga - When people say one thing and do another, then generally, it's a matter for God to sort out. You can try to help them, and you can (and should) try to help them change their actions, but ultimately, it's not your battle to fight - you cannot force someone to start acting morally.
Now, if they are hurting someone else through their actions, like child abuse, or abusive relationships, then yes, it's definitely time to step in and save the victim.
@Punk_Rock_Mommy@xanga - Wow, I'm going to have to address this. I'm a non-Christian, and I have an extremely strong, highly developed sense of ethics. I know many other non-Christians who have similarly evaluated their philosophy on life. I also know "Christians" who have virtually no externally detectable moral code.
Personally, my ethical code is completely independent of feelings. I believe there are two levels of ethics - social and personal. Social ethics are obligatory, because they necessarily impact another person beyond his will. Personal ethics are optional, because it won't hurt a non-consenting victim if you choose not to follow them, but it will hurt you and make the world in general a less happy place to live.
Social ethics are defined by property rights. A human has the right to his own property (including his body), and once you violate those boundaries, you have violated my ethical code. So, it's unacceptable to touch someone against their will, restrict trade in any way (including narcotics), or steal. It is acceptable to say hurtful things, lie, or sleep around, at least according to this level of ethics. (But, for instance, it's not okay to lie about an STD when sleeping around, because you don't have informed consent from the people you're sleeping with.)
I believe that personal ethics require a maintenance of the sanctity of your life and body. This means that you shouldn't smoke, succumb to an ED, have sex without a deep emotional connection, drink for the sake of drunkenness, make any self-destructive decision, or deny the importance and sovereignty of others.
Clearly, I have standards. In the first, it's "don't hurt others." In the second, it's, "Don't hurt yourself." I'm definitely oversimplifying here, but the point is that this ethical code is not based on some emotional whim.
And non-Christians can say that they want to help their fellow man to become stronger, more confident, and more ethical, even if his choices do not directly have an impact on their own lives. For instance, helping people (even strangers) causes a good feeling - it's ethically and emotionally preferable to help others when possible. Furthermore, a non-Christian could know that the world in general will be a better place if more people in it are happier, more responsible for their own lives, etc. This non-Christian could decide to help the immoral individual so that the non-Christian's friends, family, or children could benefit from a world in which one more person is kind and ethical.
Very interesting...very, very interesting indeed. I attend an upper middle class, conservative church, and I see people pass judgment quite a bit (and this causes me to pass judgment on them...in CHURCH!) when someone comes in with shabby looking clothes on or pierced noses. They roll their eyes or scoff a little bit. And it makes me wonder a lot about those people and why they're in church. It makes me think about that one Bible story about the man who tries to attract attention when he prays and the many who humbly goes and beats his chest and prays for forgiveness for his sins.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - absolutely... as a mother I am well aware that the only behavior I can control is my own. Yet as a mother I certainly try to see to the heart of why my children behave a certain way, not just deal with the behavior- yet it is often the behavior that alerts me to a deeper problem.
If the Christian church practiced more of the loving form of what you are speaking of with each other, understanding behavior, clarifying reasons, not jumping to assumptions yet examining behavior, and held each other lovingly accountable for it, then there would be fewer people like yourself with gripes with Christianity and the hypocrisy of it.
The way I see it, the church is largely damned if they do and damned if they don't.
If Christians held each other lovingly accountable for how they brought glory to God, then people like yourself may see there is actually something in this thing... because we would be more authentic to our beliefs and not so guilty of hypocrisy.
Yet if we begin to do this, then we are accused of being judgmental.
If we follow the bible, we are fundamental, if we don't we are hypocrites.