Sunday, 13 July 2008
-
The Bible says: Obey Your Parents...even when it comes to your wedding?
When it comes to wedding planning, Mr. Plumeria has given me full reigns of everything. It makes things so much
easier. Since he's been really busy with work and other things, I've taken it upon myself to plan a simple, within the budget, yet elegant wedding. Whenever I have an idea or suggestion, I run it through with him and he usually says, "oh, that's a good idea" or "whatever you think is best." I wish he'll be in this agreeing mode all the time even after we get married. :) Lucky for me Mr. Plumeria has been so pleasant during this process. However, I'm not so lucky when it comes to Mama Plumeria. Usually when I have an idea and I run it through my mom, her initial answer is NO. Here's a conversation that we had early in the planning process:Plumeria: I think I want our wedding colors to be purple and yellow. Mom, what do you think?
Mom: PURPLE? NO!! That's like death colors. In Korea, it's like the color for funerals.
Plumeria: Oh. But purple could be really pretty if I pick the right shade and yellow is so bright and happy.
Mom: NO. Do pink instead. Everyone does pink. Pink is for wedding.
Plumeria: Oh. I don't want to do pink. EVERYONE DOES PINK! I want purple.
Mom: NO PURPLE OK! NO PURPLE.
Plumeria: Oh. Ok...And here's a more recent one:
Plumeria: Mom, what do you think of having O (Age 3) and C (18 months) as my ring boys since they're family. (O and C are my cousins' kids and they're the only babies in my family.) We don't have any girl kids/toddlers/babies in our family, so what if we just do 2 boys? They're so cute!
Mom: NO. Two boys??? That's not right! You need a girl! I'll find you a girl.
Plumeria: Oh. NO! I don't know any girls that I like and it's too much work to find one and have to coordinate with them if they're not family.
Mom: I'll find you a girl.
Plumeria: Oh. Nevermind then. No ring boy or flower girl then!It's been a stressful time. I've pulled out the "It's my wedding, not yours! I'm going to do what I want!" card many times. And afterwards, I've felt terrible for yelling at her and being selfish. I know the Bible say to obey our parents, but does it mean I have to listen to them about every wedding decision? In Mr. Oak's post, he said that we should try to understand the intention behind what they say and that they only want the best for us. I do believe that my mom wants me to have a beautiful wedding, but where do I draw the line?
What would you do?
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to revelife's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in revelife's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (57)
This is your wedding, not your mothers. You pick your colors, and who you want in it and not her. If your mom creates "her ideal wedding" it won't be as special to you. You'll look back on it in the future thinking, "I wish I had purple instead of blue".
I have the same problem over my wedding dress. I want a new gown not my mom's old dress that I hate, but she refuses to let me buy my own.
Because my parents were only worried about cost, they didn't really have much input as long as it was within budget. My mom thought having yellow roses would've been nice in memoriam of my late Grandmother, who I was very close to. But we ended up going with pink lilies and peach roses...not sure why. I'm sorry about the troubles with your mom..unfortunately, I don't really have any good advice. My opinion is that as long as it's not costing them too much, they shouldn't be too picky about your wedding; it IS your wedding. I don't know if you've already tried sitting down calmly (preferably not after one of these arguments) and expressing to your mom about it, but if you haven't, I would recommend doing that.
@StephanieMarie7891@xanga - Oh man...I'm sorry about that! I didn't buy my dress because it was too expensive, I wouldn't have room for it later, it was too expensive to preserve, and I wasn't sure if we'd even have a daughter to give it to later...So, I just rented it. I used my mom's veil, slightly altered, and she felt really honored about that. As I was telling miss plumeria, as long as I wasn't costing them too much, they were pretty easy going about everything. I guess I'm more lucky than I thought...Good luck to the both of you!
oh man. i remember these days. we had drama 'cause i wanted a strapless dress, drama because the boys were not going to wear ties, drama because the reception tables were too close together, drama because of the kids (we ended up with two ring bearers AND two flower girls) and... in the end the drama didn't matter. :)
We got no ties, but I put straps on my dress. The tables stayed the way they were, and the kid stuff worked itself out. It will all eventually work out. If there are things that are HUGELY important to you, focus on those things and work on emphasizing your giving into her on the other things. That seemed to work best for me, anyway.
Also remember - you are not alone. Many, many brides have gone through the Mama-drama before you. ;)
i would do yellow dresses with purple hydrangeas or something. meet in the middle. if your parents are paying for any of it let them have a little say... or at least let them think they have a say. acknowledge any extra advice but youre the designer. this is your day. honor them by listening to them and respecting your mom... just not necessarily her wishes.
God understands differences. i think youll be okay with the obedience part. this is all part of ceremony planning. its not like she feels mr plumeria is wrong for you. :)
also, just pray that God's hand is in the situation. she may not ever understand your position but hopefully shell respect it. good luck!
I believe it is because you ask her that she tells you what she thinks. Besides, I'm not sure how old you are: but now that you are getting married: isn't it time that you think on your own.
When you get married the Bible talks of how you leave your parents & become one with your mate.
Blues-N-Purples are Royal colors in the Bible, so why wouldn't it look nice. Now, I'm not much for yellow & purple together: but isn't that you choice?
When my husband & I got married: we didn't do the typical Unity Candle, though my friend thought we should & bought candles for my wedding, & put it up there with the flowers that she bought for it. The candles were not to be lit-up, as we weren't going to use them, anyways.
My husband told our relatives that we are having our wedding @ 7 A.M., & if it was too early for them & they didn't want to show up, that is their choice, but we are having it at 7 A.M., anyways.
Mind you, I was 34 & my husband to be was 30 @ the time. However, it is your wedding not theirs: it should be the way that you want it, not the way that they want it.
If they can't or will not allow you to have Your Wedding UR way, there is such a thing as running off & getting married without the rest of the crowd.
It is a time when the parents give you to your mate: so they need to learn to let go. If they can't do that, then someone has to cut the umbilical cord: Marriage is two people becoming one.
It is your choice: however, I hope I left you with something to think about.......!!
Another note: You can still respect them, however in a wedding they are to give you to your mate.
An important thing to remember is this: Never let them get between the two of you, because that can bust up a marriage & it will not be appropriate. Never drag them into your disagreements, nor ask them to choose sides.
You are your mates, no-longer leaning on your parents. UR mate is yours, no-longer to lean upon his parents. When you fight with your mate & it will happen, you still need to stay in your own house: never run to your parents, & he ought to do the same. UR fight is between you & God & you must work it out together.
You will get into trivial fights, that can divide the two of you: Never let it get that far. Sin snowballs & what is a little fight can become a big fight. Never allow the fights to divide you.
A Divorce is a Division between you, it is like death between you. You never want to go that direction: Always think of the Love between you & how you both chose to get married & what brought the two of you together.
Before I got saved & accepted Jesus as my savior, I was in the world & did as the world & got a divorce (23), 1st marriage: divorced @ the age of 26.
I got saved @ the age of 29 years old, 7 days before my 30th birthday. When I got married @ the age of 34, I was sure to tell my husband to be, that Marriage is a Commitment & that you must be willing to work at it, if not: then I'm not interested in marrying you.
We've been married as of 1997, 11 Blessed years now. In marriage you have your ups & downs, however you must work them out, & realize that God put the two of you together.
I told my husband to be that if ever we got to the point of concidering divorce that we ought to go over our relationship & think of all the wonderful things that brought the two of us together. After a fight I usually think of these things & I realize the fight isn't that important.
I believe we will be married the rest of our lives, until the rapture takes us out of here, unless health or death happens 1st.
If Satan can destroy your marriage & he wants to: then he can destroy your faith in God & that is exactly what he wants: he (Satan) doesn't want the two of you to live your life for God, nor to be an awesome testimony to others. Nor does he want your friends & family saved. UR marriage is your Strength & Gods Glory of what a Marriage between a man & a woman ought to be.
I remember what a great testimony my aunt & uncle had & how they handled things, I wanted Jesus into my life as a result of their testimony.
Always live your married life as though you are still on your honeymoon.