I did a wedding not as I really wanted, but was too afraid not to please my inlaws -- I so regret that, and my husband does too - we should have stood up for ourselves, in the right way, and said, "No. we are doing the wedding the way we've dreamed." -- I think it's important to let parents know you are becoming your own couple, family, whatever -- how much control they have during the wedding, is a sign of what will continue after you marry -- and from personal experience, parental control and such can be so damaging and hurtful in a marriage. I would say respectfully let them know this is a new stage in life beginning now and decisions are between you and the one you are marrying period. :)

I would say you should start practising another thing the Bible says about marriage, Leave and Cleave. Your mom needs to realize you are entering into your OWN family now and have your own descisions to make JUST LIKE SHE DOES  and did at that time in her life. Parents want to keep their kids from making mistakes,but forget that they themselves learned so much from mistakes they made. Why take that learning experience away from your GROWN UP kids. Sure, you hate to see them make a mistake that maybe even you made yourself, but it's how we all grow.I know I'm getting off the subject here which I usually do  but the whole thing here is PARENTS, LET YOUR KIDS GROW UP. Then you can see how well you raised them. Did what you teach them stick? Will they see what you meant when the come against certain things in life and THEN understand where you were coming from? I've learned as a parent and grandparent myself, "Give advice, but never demand that they do this" It's their life and choice, all you can do is share your experience with what they are wanting to do and what could happen from it, but they have to be the one to make the decisions in the long run(I'm speaking of kids that are adults here, not children,big difference, and thats the problem parents have, they see their kids still as their little children) Thats about all the rambling I'll throw out for today  Hope it all works out. God's blessing on your marriage!

~Grampy~

We spent 83 dollars on our marriage, to get the US Embassy Clearance in Seoul.  I cannot recommend spending any more than is absolutely necessary by law.

What about parents who instruct their children to do bad things?  I know it's really dark and creepy, but I know children who have had their parents molest them.. tell them not to tell anyone, take their clothes off, etc.  Do children obey their parents in that case just because the Bible tells them to obey their parents?  Certainly not!  What your mother is doing... in a way.. is wrong.  It's your wedding.  I imagine she wouldn't have appreciated her mother telling her what to do with her wedding either.  Just politely tell her.. mom.. it's my wedding.  I really like the color purple and I'd appreciate it if you'd respect that.  Even if she is paying for it, you'd think she would want her daughter to have everything she wants on her special day... Just my opinion...

Speaking as a parent, I have to say:  It is your wedding, and it should be how you want it. 

It's unfair to both you and the parent to ask for an opinion just to be nice and make the parent feel involved - especially if you know what you want and will not want to change something if the parent's opinion differs.  It will also cause unnecessary conflict.  Ask for an opinion about something that really doesn't matter to you, or don't ask at all - particulary when the parent is offering unsolicited advice or is intruding by inserting his/herself unasked.  You can still help them feel a part of things by keeping them informed. 

Since you are getting married, I assume you are an adult.  It is scriptural to honor the parent by being respectful - but in no way does that obligate you to let that parent override your desires in your own wedding.  Of course, if that parent threatens to withhold money for the wedding, you'll have to choose whether to let him/her blackmail you like that (if you do, it will probably result in great resentment on your end) or to just have something very simple that you can afford yourself. 

When our daughter married, her father and I told her and her fiance what the wedding budget would be, that they could use the money to have whatever kind of wedding they wanted, and that we would give them whatever money remained.  We also told them that we would help in whatever capacity they wanted. 

They knew what they wanted and made most of the major decisions on their own (although they did ask our opinion at times), but we were able to enjoy helping out in smaller ways.  Not only was their beautiful (but simple) wedding a true reflection of them and their tastes, but they were very economical and came in well under budget - and had some money left to help them set up their home. 

The Bible doesn't say adults have to obey their parents. it says "children obey your parents". But it does say you have to honor them. Respect & obedience and two different things. Obedience would mean that you would have to do everything she says to do for your wedding, respect would be communicating & compromising (especially if your mom is footing any or all of the bill).

"Obey your parents" is a command to Christian children of Christian parents. So, two questions: Are your parents Christians? Are you a child? And, as someone mentioned above, in return the parents are not to exasperate their children.

You aren't a child, and the Biblical teaching to adults is to honor their parents, something that is even harder to do than obeying. It is your wedding, and the question should be not, "what color will make my mom happy?", but "how can I include my mom in a way that she feels honored?" For example, if you want purple and yellow, you don't have to ask what she thinks, but you could ask to wear her amethyst jewelry on your big day. If she feels you are honoring her in your attitude, she might be less likely to be so exasperating.

It's your wedding, not hers.

You're not being selfish.

Purple is a nice colour, and it goes so nicely with yellow.

There's a fine line between obeying someone and allowing them to be in control of your life.

Besides, you only get one wedding day, so it's important that it's special for you and your husband before anyone else.

Mom,

You got a wedding. If you didn't get to do it your way, I'm sorry.  But this is my day, not yours, and we're going to do it the way Mr. Plumeria and I decide.

I'd explain to her that I really value her and her opinion, but that the whole point of this wedding is to celebrate the starting of your new life...with him. That as much as her opinion and experience count, you really need to start practicing not letting her make decisions for you. Your independence from her and your new dependence on him is Biblically right -- you're gonna be one with this dude, ya know -- and by her letting you feel the freedom and blessing to make these ultimately trivial decisions now, she'll serve both of you better in the future.

I'd probably write it all in a letter, too, then talk with her after she's read it and thought about it.

It's all gonna be precious. Good luck!

That's why eloping goes through almost every couples head when planning a wedding... I thought about eloping instead. lol

If it was me, I'd do whatever, I'd want, it's my wedding and no one can change it. Or I'd probably just try to make everyone happy the best I can even if it might become all complicated >__< I think that's the best way to settle it.