Thursday, 10 July 2008

• The Bible says: Obey Your Parents....still?

  
  by mr. oak

  

  One of the greatest mistakes I've ever made was introducing my dad to the wonderful world of computers and (as my parents put it) "interneting" and how you can get pretty much get any song at a click of a button.  Since then I've gotten countless voice messages such as this:

  Dad: Son!  There is emergency...Call me at the office now.  Bye.

  I would then return the phone call in a worried state:

  Oak: Dad!  What's wrong?  Is everything ok?
  Dad: Emergency.  I can't find some song called "lifting up" by Groban Joshua.  I must have it...
  Oak: wait - you called me saying it's an emergency cause you're looking for a Josh Groban song?
  Dad:  oh you know him!  Do you have the mp3?  Go buy and send to me...I will give you 99 cents.
  Oak: .....

  Granted, as a joke I would occasionally send him some hilary duff songs, but nevertheless I would always do it...and strangely happily.  I also get 99 cents in coins sometimes.

  Thinking about this - I noticed that I've come a long way with my parents.  I think one of the toughest things to do is to obey your parents.  The Word speaks of this quite clearly - from "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right" to "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."  I've gotten into so many fights with my parents growing up - mostly out of disobedience.  I've ran away, joined gangs, failed classes, did a bunch of stupid things, and even scuffled with my parents.  But after i cleaned up my act (which happened because of them), I still only learned a small nugget about obedience....

  One of the biggest lessons in obedience and what it meant to me came from when I decided not to go to med school.  *cue asian parents gasps*

  All my life, my parents have urged me to go to med school.  Growing up in an asian american home, my parents made it very clear that there are only 3 professions to choose from: 1) Doctor 2) Lawyer 3) Billionaire.  Granted the 3rd one isn't a profession, but my parents also believed that when I whistled at night snakes would come...so better to let crazy sayings be.

  So when I realized that I didn't want to become a doctor (I mean, what's so attractive about helping people in need, curing the sick, and saving lives??  you know??) I knew I was going to brace myself for something huge.  I debated how I was going to tell them.  I mean, afterall - I took the MCATs, practically applied, and was ready to go...It's like watching your son run the race of his life and then stop just short of the finish line.  That was me... 

  So scared out of my wits, wondering how I was going to tell them - here were the options for me to inform my parents that I was going to crush their hopes by not going to med school:

  1.  Puzzle Message
  I would write down on some cardboard that I wasn't going to med school and then cut it up in 2000 rounded pieces.  I would then put it in a box and send it to my parents - they would need to solve the puzzle first - the hope is that they would feel so good about completing the puzzle that they would accept the statement written in it.
  2.  Tattoo Message on Furry Bunny and gift Bunny to parents
  I think this is self explanatory - how could you get mad at a bunny?
  3.  Drive home
  And then pack all my stuff in the car...and after i hug my parents, telling them that i love them, get back in the car - readjust the sideview mirror just enough so i can see them and then yell "I'M NOT GOING TO MED SCHOOL!!!" and then drive off....as fast as possible. 

  Needless to say - I did none of these.  I know it's extreme to make a huge career decision based on my parent's urging - but I really did feel this was a test of obedience for me.  These are the same parents that came to the states because they wanted a better life for us.  The same parents that worked all day so they can put food on the table.  The same parents that fed, listened, talked, and cared for me from the beginning. 

  I generally obey my parents - when they ask me to clean up the trash, clean the pool, wash the dishes etc, I'll do it.  But med school meant so much to them and here I was, not obeying them.  I felt really conflicted there....

  But looking back here's the deal.  Almost everything my parents asked me to do was good for me.  If you're young and you're still living with your parents, you may not see it - but they really do look out for the best.  The key is understanding that they are not perfect - they too mess up...like you.   But every little thing from brushing your teeth to the big things like putting your money into a savings account - these are all things our parents ask us to do for us.  I hear that once you have a child you instantly forgive your parents for everything...

  So when I sat down with my parents and told them I wasn't going to med school - it was tough.  But through it all i began to realize that what they really wanted was for my happiness.  It wasn't a vendetta to make my life difficult or a badge of honor, but a lot of their urging was based on love.  And ironically - it was the same love that made them realize and accept my decision to not go.  In the end I realized that the key is to ask yourself why your parents are asking for what they're asking for.  Most cases than not it's either out of love, their insecurity, or worries they have in their heart.  It helps to think about this and honor them....

  In the end - I got older.  I'm newly married now and I have officially "cleaved" from my parents.  I have the freedom to not obey my parents any more because I no longer am a child (ok, fine - that's debatable considering I still go down the toy aisles at target) but in the end, although we should obey our parents as children, I think we're called to honor our parents indefinitely. 

  And in that - I love my parents more today than ever before and pray that I will continue to honor them to the day that I die.

  When do you find it most difficult to honor your parents? 

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