Tuesday, 08 July 2008
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Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
by mrs violet
As my children head toward their teenage years, I find myself at the point where we need to have very open and honest, age appropriate discussions about sex and sexuality.On the one hand, this scares the living bejeebers out of me, on the other hand, I think one of the greatest privileges a parent has, is the ability to shape their children's view of sexuality rather than leaving it to the world and to peer groups.
The great thing is that I know my kids can grow into adults with a really healthy biblical understanding of their sexuality. They can know that they are indeed sexual creatures, and that sex was created, sanctioned and approved by God. They can read the Song of Songs and understand that God is not against sex or sexuality, in fact for that book to be included in the inspired word of God tells me a lot about what God would love for our marriages to be like- fun, passionate, fulfilling, loving and blessed.
We have pretty open discussions about the choices that we made about sex, and talk about the ensuing consequences of those decisions. We can speak from experience about how those choices affected our lives, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I can also personally talk about a loving God, who has put boundaries in place for our own good. In the same way a parent sets boundaries on a little child around a hot stove, He does the same for us with our sexuality. A stove is a wonderful device, a modern day necessity, but to a someone who is not old enough to use one or be safe around one it can be a dangerous contraption indeed.
We always need to put God in the perspective of a loving Father who wants the absolute best for His children, not some irate, fun-hating being who is just out to spoil the party.
How did your parents have the "sex talk" with you? If you're a parent how will you talk about this with your kids?
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Comments (107)
All I can say is - make sure you have full conversations about it. Don't leave it at "don't do it 'cause God said so." True, that should be enough, but it would be so much better if parents really took the time to talk about WHY it's better for us to wait.
I recently had to figure that stuff out on my own - why I wanted to wait besides just "i should." Luckily, I did figure it out, but I almost got majorly hurt in the process.
So please don't think that one talk right before puberty is enough. The world around kids changes really, really fast, and I personally needed a better answer than just "it's bad."
@Coincidentally@xanga -
no sex before marriage.
but not just intercourse, that includes oral sex and basically anything sexual...
This is a very touchy subject and I hope everyone treats it that way. I was raised by my grandmother from birth. I was molested on Christmas Eve when I was 7 by her brother-in-law. I didn't know what sex was, and I didn't associate it with being wrong in a moral sense. I just knew it was painful, and I was upset and scared for that reason. After some time, she explained that when two people got married, they had sex, and explained how. So, I just took it as something that people did after marriage.
I wasn't allowed to date until I was 18, and didn't have a relationship that was approaching intimacy until I was 21. The guy I was dating was nearly 26, and was a pastor's son (his father had passed away several years before I met him). I was convinced this was the person God had meant for me. He seemed nice, devout, and passionate about his beliefs. But, I noticed he tried to convince me, slightly at first, that "love couldn't last without sex." He would talk about advice that he had received (supposedly from his pastor) regarding that subject, saying that sex before marriage was fine. I said firmly that I wanted no part of it, and things seemed to get better... until one night when cuddling while watching a movie resulted in him assaulting me and raping me.
Because I was so set and driven to find a righteous man, I ended up having my virginity violently taken from me. I wore hoodies, sweaters, sweatshirts, etc to cover the bruises on my arms, and I had to have surgery to fix the hole in my right retina (he had pounded the back of my head against the wall several times). The physical pain didn't compare to the shame I felt afterwards.
If we could find a way to take the emphasis off of sex, and maybe put it more or less on love, I think children would be better off.
My biggest concern is conservative families fostering a feeling of shame associated with sexuality. I think it's terribly sad to see girls who are ashamed of their bodies and afraid of boys because they are going to be tainted in some way.
And masturbation???? I don't think it's a sin! If your body is a temple, waxing the floor should not be forbidden!
@mrsviolet -
Hello Mrs. Violet. :o)
I thought that perhaps you would find a good use for this sermon series. It is very much pro- and re- active in regards to the biblical framework for God's intended blessing of sexuality. I listened to them recently, and am convicted that my children ought to listen to them also when they are old enough to begin to understand the things addressed.
An excellent sermon series by Al Martin.
All the best,
Elizabeth
@renaissancerags@xanga - Wow, I am so sorry for your situation. Waiting so long for something pure and getting only the most vile things.
My roommate was molested at age 6 and she sees sex and love as two totally separate things, with no chance of merging.
I think it's important that you talk to your children about it though I don't have kids but I'd rather the info come from me than who knows where else. Especially b/c there are so many "myths" and untrue information especially in this day and age of google. I remember when i turned 13 my mom gave me one of those "whats happening to your body" books you could start with that maybe idk...idk if you've seen the new tv show the secret life of the American teenager..butI'm sure you don't want that to happen to your children at a young age so it's important to have an open conversation with them even if it can be awkward.