Monday, 07 July 2008

  • Soulmates: God's Plan, or One of Many Options?

    marigold by miss marigold

    soulmate2 Almost everytime I'm with a new group of friends, someone brings up this question to break the ice: "So, do you think there's only one person for you, or do you think there's a lot of people you could be happy with?"

    And every time they ask that question, I answer, "I think there's a lot of people I could potentially marry and live happily-ever-after with, but God only leads me to one of them (two if the first guy dies on me, and then I remarry)...or maybe He just orchestrates it so I don't meet any of the 10 guys I could potentially be with, so instead, I become a bird lady."

    "Neurotic," the other party says, to which I reply -

    "Sap."

    My mom, ever the romantic even after more than two decades of marriage, begged to differ. "I know that God has a really good guy in mind for you," she says whenever I visit home, still unquestionably single. She's even given him a name - Boaz - after Ruth's husband.

    Now that I'm one year away from graduating, I wonder a lot about what God has in store for my future, and whether He has only one future planned or several alternatives. Is there really only ONE job where I could flourish, ONE guy I can marry, ONE place I can settle down in, ONE church I can attend?

    I worry about misreading God's plan so much that I sometimes forget to just live. Take grad school for example - does God want me to go, or does He want me to pursue a career for the time being? What if I chose the "wrong" option, God's plan got derailed (can humans even do that?), and He had to do serious damage control? Does God have a plan B just in case I pick the "wrong" thing?

    Think of it this way - with the premise that you're single and that "one and only" soulmates do in fact, exist - that yours lives in Venezuela while you live in Ohio. Say God called you to be a missionary in Venezuela, but you chose the fab life as a publisher in New York instead. Would you just never have met and married the soulmate in Venezuela (God says: "Too bad, you didn't follow my call so WELCOME TO SINGLEHOOD....FOREVER) or does God have someone else lined up for you in New York? And then think about Venezuelan guy/girl. Say you DO become a missionary and that person moves to Denmark. Then what?

    I just wonder if God's plan is contingent on our decisions - humans are so prone to stubborness and making mistakes that I don't know how God can even plan stuff for us.

    It's a little early for me to be thinking about marriage or kids, but I sometimes wonder if I'm destined for a second-rate existence just because I turned that one guy down...

    Do you think God has only ONE calling for you? Do you every worry that your mistakes may actually derail God's plan?

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Comments (58)

  • kMiNg@xanga

    :) God is sovereign. Personally, I believe that no matter what moves "we make", path 1 2 3 o 325890230532... God places us where we need to be. While we think we are choosing "our path" and personally making our own decisions, I firmly believe that God is sovereign over all things, and that He leads us to where we need to be. Be it singlehood (i hope not) or having a soccer team of babies, its not really in my power.


    I used to think that I was destined to become this multi-million dollar litigator at some corporate law firm. No joke, this was like my dream, a tad bit ambitious, but i was extremely driven. 2 Semesters later with 9 months of working at big law firm under my belt, I realize it isn't as glamorous as I thought it was. But thats ok. I don't think i "messed up" at all, but instead... God is slowly leading.


    I think at the root of it, it really comes down to discernment. Having the wisdom to choose the most painless, and quickest path in aligning yourself with God's will. Sure we mess up, we go through a lot of pain and all that, but no matter what, I really believe God puts us on the same path in the end. Its just a matter of the steps that it took to get us there. It reminds me of 1 Peter, where God will refine us, through whatever path, to bring us closer to him.


    just my 2 cents.

  • angi1972@xanga

    No... Because I think God prepares for my mistakes... even though I don't know I'm going to make them... doesn't he?


    I know that if I have faith and do the things I think he would want me to I'll end up where he wan'ts me to be.  Thanks for the thoughts!

  • JoeyCagle@xanga

    God doesn't have a plan B.

  • about_redemption

    That's a tough question since God obviously gave us free will so that we could choose to follow Him. He knew that from the beginning we would make mistakes, and that no one would follow His plans perfectly. I also think that no matter how much we screw up, we can't "thwart" what He has in store for us. We are not that powerful and he can turn every situation to His good. We can, however, choose not to participate in His plan and turn aside what He has for us.


    Maybe God does have several partners picked out for us, I don't know. But I think that if you are truly following His will at the time, not matter what you have chosen in the past, He will not stick you with someone who is "worse" because you missed an opportunity with the first person. If we choose someone on our own, without God's guidance? Well, that's a different story all together . . .


    Job 37:5 says "God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding". I think He has a plan for every little turning of our mind. At no time is He at a loss for what to do, especially because of our actions. Our minds can't comprehend all He can see and accomplish. And really, if He wanted to, He could use all those convoluted events to bring you back to the one He had in mind in the first place.
  • ChrisRusso@xanga

    The future has already happened, and the past is still happening.  When you think of Time with a Gods-eye-view, such questions become easier to answer.

    If you look at Time as one big moment, well then, there's only one person you end up with (assuming you end up with someone), and that person I guess could be considered your "soulmate."  Though note that this says nothing about compatibility or souls being knit together or other such notions: it just means that there's one person that you will end up with.  (Though Free Will is not negated by any stretch: from a temporal standpoint you choose that person yourself out of a crowd of potentials... it's just that from an atemporal standpoint it would seem that there was never any other choice.)

    Aslan always told us that we "are never told what would have happened," and I'm inclined to agree.  God knows what choices we will make, even our mistakes, and plans accordingly.  It's impossible, then, to "miss" the person one is meant to be with.  God is not so poor a planner as that.  If Stalin or Hitler or Pharaoh could not thwart God's will, what makes us think that we possibly could?

    So no, your mistakes cannot derail God's plan.  In a way, they ARE God's plan--even your sins are turned into character-building lessons that make us more like Christ.  If God has someone special picked out for you, you cannot possibly miss him/her.
  • jediwing@xanga

    It is funny that you ask this question because I was literally just asking myself the same one earlier today...
  • organic_idiot@xanga

    When I was younger, I always envisioned a road with lots of mini roads fanning off of it. God knows everything. If you don't keep going straight, then you'll land on another road - that's not to say its a "good" or "bad" road, it's just a different one. And then the same will happen on that road - you keep going straight on that path or off to another one.

    Am I making sense? lol

    There is no "mistake" God hasn't already seen coming. He's forever prepared because, well, he's God!

    As for the soul mate question, I think it honestly doesn't matter. Personally, I'm a romantic... but I'm not going to start dating a guy based on whether or not I think he's my soul mate. If I did that, I may pass up all the good ones in hope for romance and passion (which is never turns out great).

    So, in short, God has a plan and there's no way you can "mess it up". Just keep going through life with God on your side without worrying about finding "the one". A nice boy will come, whether he's the only one for you or one of ten. He's there and you'll find him.

    Peace&love,
    Brooke
  • tx_daughteroftheking@xanga

    I don't have the life experience some have. But I do believe in soulmates. I think there are many people I could have a happy God-honoring marriage with, but there is one that God specifically created us with the other in mind and "knit ourselves" together so to speak. Call me a sappy romantic if you wish, Now, if we end up with our "soulmate" I believe is up to us. Like the example you gave about living the new york life, if you chose that knowing you felt God leading you to be a missionary, then you made that decision. You can't blame God for not finding your "soulmate." Now God can work through mistakes and still make it happen, but that's not a guaranteed thing. The key is staying open to the Lord's leading and guidance if it doesn't make sense.

    And once you do find your "soulmate" never EVER let go... It's worth the wait, though it may be long. You may have to "keep walking" for a while. Maybe alone. But never give up...
  • la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga

    I personally believe there are many people I could be happy spending my life with.  Actually, they're really hard to find, because I am the pickiest person I know.

    But from a religious standpoint, God is omniscient, so he knows what decisions you will make.  He may not always break the rules of logic to make your life as happy as it might have been if you had followed his calling, but you cannot possibly derail the plans of an omniscient, omnipotent being.  He may not be happy with the decision you chose, because it could make the world worse off as a whole, but he will not be surprised or unprepared.
  • ThatSady_MittGurl@xanga

    I don't think we have a soul mate, necessarily.  Not someone made specifically for us, who we were with before we came to Earth or whatever.  I believe that our choices make us who we are and by making choices we create out "soul mate."


    And you don't need to worry about ruining your life.  We have free agency for a reason, so just use your best judgement to make your choices.  If you aren't supposed to do something you decide to do, God will let you know.  And even if you do make the wrong choice, it's like on the TV show Lost.  The universe has a way of correcting itself, so if you make a "wrong" choice it won't ruin your life too much... not to the point you won't be able to get back on course at least.
  • Ambrosius_Augustus_Rex@xanga

    It's easy for people to patronize when they themselves have what they want.  Their happiness puts them out of touch with your problems and makes it easier to downplay them.  That much is something which I believe to be generally true.  As specifically relating to the issue of marriage, the patronizing gets compounded when older people refuse to accept that the sociological situation has altered in the least bit.  At any rate, there may be many people you are compatible with, or there may be none, that much depends on your personality.  I don't buy into all that talk about "the one."  That sort of rhetoric needs to be relegated to the "Matrix" movies and not spill over into real life because it has nothing to do with real life.  You can be thoroughly convinced that you have "the one" and then find out that your lover is cheating on you.  So I remain skeptical.  I think that sort of talk is just a tired out old form of patronizing.
  • iconspiration@xanga

    Your posts are always my favorites, Miss Marigold...so thought-provoking!


    As someone who's single (and in college) myself, I've often wondered what you described, about soulmates moving around and accidentally not meeting, and about what happens then...and ultimately the conclusion I've come to is, if God allowed you (or your Venezuelan soulmate?) to make what you call a "mistake"--taking a publishing job in NYC or them moving to Denmark, then you weren't really soulmates, were you? They were just one of many people that might have been but weren't necessarily the one you were meant to be with.


    God knows the "mistakes" we're making, and why, and I've come to realize that they're probably being made for a good reason, because He has something better for us right around the corner...


    I don't like to think God has only one calling for me...I like to believe I'm a talented person, someone who works hard and has potential, and that I could concievably be successful in a number of different things. However, I'm sure that even if I sometimes doubt and wonder if by my actions I'm "derailing" His plans, it's not really possible...


    In the long run, I'll wind up doing what I should be doing (despite the many paths I could have taken) and with who I should be with.


    That, or a cat lady...I'm not a big fan of birds :P
  • Ancient_Scribe@xanga

    God has only one calling for each and every person- to love him through Jesus Christ. But how he will work with and within us to bring us into this relationship is a very profound and beautiful mystery.
  • Kristenmomof3@xanga

    God gave me a wonderful husband. Truly my other half. We are one until death do us part.
    God told me when I met him that I would marry him.
    God has blessed me so much with my husband. More then I could have ever hoped or dreamed.
  • EilisAngelos@xanga

    Sorry, it cut off my reply from my Blackberry. Allow me to copy/paste:

    I think that God has the best planned for us (in general, as well as in
    relationships) but, should we make a choice that derails that and we
    settle for "good" or even "better" instead of "best", He will still
    bless us where we're at.

    I think He wants the "best" for us, no matter what, and will give it to us so long as we allow it.


    I am not sure how cohesive my thoughts are, given that I'm replying via my Blackberry.
  • Strong_Protector@xanga

    I have recently changed my outlook on the idea that God has some set plan for our lives and we have to try really, really hard to figure it out.  It's been very painful, and I still struggle, but I have come to some conclusions through reading God's Word.


    * First of all, the Bible is God's plan for our lives.  Anything outside of that is really fuzzy and we honestly don't know what truth is.  If God wants us to do something, He will make it really really obvious, such as writing it down in something called The Bible.  There should be no guesswork.  He is not the author of confusion.
    With that being said, 
    1)  I don't think we know the "set plan" God has for us until we get to the end of our life and look back. 
    2)  I believe we do have choice in where we live, who we marry, where we work, and where we go to church.  If we we're supposed to let the Holy Spirit "lead" us into each of them in the way many people think it should happen, there would be no reason for the guidelines we have in the Bible for all of these subjects.  (Really, being led by the Holy Spirit simply means being Christ-like, but the term, "Spirit-led" is abused in our churches because we always want some mystical emotional experience)
    3)  Read the Bible.  And seek wise counsel from people who have been Christians longer than you have.  Pray for wisdom. 
    4)  Use your spiritual and physical gifts in any way you know how to carry out the Great Commission.
    * Another tip:  Don't listen to people who use their experience as a reason to believe them.  People who say, "This is what happened to me, therefore I know it's true" should not be seen as authoritative.  Only God's Word has authority.  Seek wisdom from people who use God's Word to counsel you instead of their own experience.
  • DAVERAVEdotNET@xanga

      I'M NOT EVEN DATING ANYONE; IF SHE'S OUT THERE, OKAY,
    BUT WHY ELSE WERE WE GIVEN FREEDOM OF CHOICE?  IS THIS
    ANOTHER WAY OF BEING ANOTHER WORDING: http://books.google.com/books?id=3Ic2pPKUA2sC&pg=PA58&lpg=PA58&dq=HOPEFUL+CODEPENDENCY&source=web&ots=amSRWCc9nK&sig=05QdUh9IiQtws5lZ9aID9YnvILE&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=4&ct=result?

    whateva... 

    (not to sound insencere, or just blah...  Don't we think it's personal?  like very?

    Tuesday at two funeral services for Jessie Helms - - - Dead Sea Scrolls in
    Raleigh
  • ISpeakLife@xanga
    C'mon over

    I was just thinking of this topic a few hours ago, so I was very glad when I saw the topic being written about. I have thought about everything you posted! I guess God was leading me to your blog possibly. I believe that we can be happy with a number of people, but we are most compatible with probably one person.


    I believe that God has been orchestrating our lives before we were even born to bless us and to liken us to the image of His Son. He can bless us through many different jobs and careers. He can bless us through many different churches. He can bless us through many different friends. However, I believe that there is one member of the opposite sex that He has been orchestrating both of your lives to make you two compatible with each other (if marriage is His will for your life).


    If it was God's intention for Jesus to marry, He would have been compatible with every single female because Jesus is compatible with everyone! But since we're not Jesus and do not have the capability to complete everyone, we should ask God to prepare us for and lead us to our most compatible human. But more important than finding your Mr. Right, is making sure YOU'RE Ms. Right. If you're Ms. Wrong, it won't matter how many Mr. Rights God may lead you to. If you don't have good relationships skills, all your relationships will be poor in quality. Read my post, "Why Look For Mr./Ms. Right, If You're Not Mr./Ms. Right?"

  • sheepthatsblack@xanga

    I think there are a lot of things God doesn't plan but still blesses and a lot of things he does plan...the things he does plan, will happen, one way or another, and the things he blesses...well, he gave us free will didn't he? So to answer your question, no, I don't think it's possible for there to be ONE plan (unless there's predestination, which I don't believe in).

    P.S. please, I don't want to start a debate about free will vs. predestination...that's really irrelevant to my point because I offer an answer to the question either way, and quite frankly, I'm sick of having that discussion.
  • mo_chic_for_jesus@xanga

    God has ways of making His will abundantly obvious, if necessary.  It's not likely that simply turning down a date will run off your potential mate forever.  It's a matter of purposing in your heart to follow His will, whether you like it or not, and trusting that He can, will, and wants to communicate it to you.
  • HUGEWOOJ@xanga

    God is all-knowing, He knows what will happen.


    First, we should pray about these things, and then by God's guidance, we should act. And as someone said before me, "God doesn't have a Plan B".
  • Willowlost@xanga

    @Ancient_Scribe@xanga - Well said!
  • ProvokingThought@xanga

    our thoughts are not His thoughts and our ways are not His. He is outside time and space contingents, yet is inside of them, not as a clock maker but as the One sustains His creation.

    God is fully sovereign and we are fully responsible and they are two truths that we have a tough time reconciling...because we are not God. 

  • JessicaAshley7@xanga

    No, I don't worry about messing up God's plan for my life. I don't believe He plans out our lives. I think that would be a violation of the free will He gave us. Besides, I've never found anything in the Bible that even implies such a thing.


    I think He definitely orchestrates things to give us the best of the best.  My husband and I truly believe He set up the means by which we met. But it was still our choice and decision to marry. If we hadn't, we would have missed out on an amazing life together, but it wouldn't be messing up God's will or plan for us.

  • forchrist

    wow there is a lot of good stuff  in all the comments people wrote here. Just stay in God's word let him lead you in his will.  I too have been thinking along your thoughts that you posted. And reading the comments have been helpful.  God may or may not have  someone for you but keep  ready to serve Him and he will bless you

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    • From: revelife
    • Posted: 7/7/2008 6:35 PM

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