Wednesday, 02 July 2008
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He Restores My Soul...And My Virginity??
Several years ago, I read a story in a Christian teen magazine about a Christian girl who succumbed to a hot guy and lost her virginity to him. Wracked by guilt and angst, she begged for God's forgiveness, and at the end of the story, God told her that He could restore her virginity (on a spiritual level, not a physical one of course), so that while she wasn't technically a virgin, she could present herself as pure. Not long afterward, I read some Christian fiction about a non-Christian who, after believing, asked God to make her a virgin again. I guess it's a common theme. At the time, I thought the concept of restoring a girl's virginity was kind of weird, yet even after encountering a lot more sexual immorality in college, I feel a little uncomfortable at the idea.
On the one hand, God will wash as white as snow, God cleanses us, God forgives and forgets, the old has gone and the new has come, all that's in the Bible. Were I a Christian who felt convicted about having premarital sex, I would ask God to cleanse me of sin too. Thanks to God's forgiveness, I would not be bound by my sexual sin anymore, and God wouldn't one-up me whenever He felt like it...but were someone to ask me if I were a virgin, I would still say no. To even add, "But thanks to God, I'm a virgin again," or "I'm a virgin, but I have had sex," just sounds silly.
I don't know if it was the stories' intention, but it sounded like the girls were given an excuse to say they were virgins and thus escape judgment, which is one of the biggest consequences (after risk of pregnancy, STDs, guilt, etc) that a Christian has to deal with after engaging in premarital sex. It doesn't really matter whether or not you personally believe it's wrong ... you'll probably be judged by some member of the Christian community, or maybe even by a future boyfriend/girlfriend (don't even get me started on why I never read any stories about God restoring a dude's virginity...can of worms, can of worms...)
I'm having difficulty applying the idea to other sins because while it's normal for people to ask if you're a virgin, you don't often hear them ask you if you're a thief, liar, gossiper, murderer or anything like that arbitrarily.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I wouldn't ask God to restore my virginity if I regretted having consensual, premarital sex. He could forgive me, and in doing so, restore my soul (which means, perhaps, that the virginity would be included by default?) but when I ask for mercy, I don't think God hits Ctrl+z and makes it as if I never sinned in the first place; rather, He gives me a reason to move ON from my sin instead of being stuck on it. After all, while Christ's death created us anew, we haven't gone back to our nature prior to original sin.
How do you feel about God restoring virginity? Is it something you'd ask Him to do for you if you felt convicted about having premarital sex?
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Comments (150)
@AdveniatRegnumTuum@xanga - Consider God? Fair enough, who did God marry? Like I said, it's not an issue of whether or not someone can be saved, it's an issue of I don't want that. The best gift a woman can give her husband is her virginity, and a woman that can't offer that can't offer that. Again, I doubt you will understand my perspective, but I'll try once more. There is an extreme amount of social pressure in western societies to have sex. This causes most people to have sex (but it doesn't excuse it). It also means that there are less people who have not had sex, and availibility is limited. If I choose someone that has had sex, aside from the personal loss that I would experience, I would send off the following signals regardless of my intent:
1) Virgins are so scarce that I was unable to find one
2) It's not such a big deal that people had sex because 'everyone is doing it'
3) Even though I never had sex ultimately I still had to give into the social pressures, therefore the social pressures are absolute and inescapable even to the extreme minority that chooses to remain pure
I have dated non-virgins in the past and I have decided that enough is enough. I want my wife to belong to me and I will belong to her. There will be no history of previous sexual relations or there will be no marriage. It's as simple as that. If I have to stay single forever so be it. If I have to import someone from a foriegn country where extra-marital sex is frowned upon and then work 2 jobs to support her and the kids so be it.
Chances are you have probably had sex so you feel that I'm personally attacking you. I think if you have then you can still be saved, and maybe you learned your lesson. If that's so, then there is some hope that if you ever do get married and have kids then you can teach them to have more discretion than you did in your wild and crazy days.
It's true, you don't really see any liturature about boys having they're virginity restored. Just goes to show that times haven't really changed; it's still more acceptable for a male to enage in premarital sex than it is for a female. (HULLO DOUBLE STANDARDS.)
But to the point. My husband and I waited until we were married but it was very, very, very hard. Sometimes we just wanted to throw in the towel and give in to our desires. I mean, you really, really have to fight for something like that so I can understand why people give in. BUT if you do give in, you have to accept responsibility! You messed up. God can and will forgive you for that if you ask Him but just because you're forgiven doesn't mean you never messed up. If you've had sex, then no, you aren't a virgin and you never will be again. But you can make it a goal to stay pure instead of saying "oh well I'm no longer a virgin" and then sleep around with everone.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - If you go to a church and people are asking you if you're a virgin or not, you need to get out of there. I mean, it's really nobody else's business what you have or have not done. "Let he who has not sinned throw the first stone". If the church was in the business of making people fill out sin surveys, everyone would be in a world of hurt. :D
I rarely disagree with posts on revelife as completely as I disagree with this one. I totally believe that God restores virginity, and it's about the heart of the person, not other people's opinions. I have certainly heard teaching about God restoring guys' virginity, too.
I totally disagree with the idea that God doesn't erase our sin, but helps us move on. God doesn't erase the consequences of sin, but in His eyes we do become exactly as if we had never sinned in the first place. That's what justification means: the sin is completely gone. Isaiah 43:25 says that God totally blots out our sins. He doesn't even think about them at all when He thinks of us.
I do believe premarital sex is wrong, but I also believe it's a sin like any other sin. Once it's forgiven, it's like it never happened. Yes, we may face earthly consequences, but in God's eyes, we are 100% pure.
If I was in this situation and someone asked me, I would think of it as an opportunity to talk about God's forgiveness in my life. I would say something like, "I'm a virgin because God forgave me and restored my purity and made me a new creation in Him." That would be true, and it wouldn't mislead.
I don't think God WILL restore one's virginity... consider it the reminder of your sin that way you will stay close to Jesus... i think a lost virginity is one of those divine reminders that God won't heal because if we do succumb to a restored virginity, God knows we'll mess up again and again and again and healing a lost virginity will be trite and pointless because we'll nullify grace...
Grace in the midst of this loss is what helps us through that kind of pain....
I can't thank God enough for keeping me strong enough to forsake sexual sin because I wanna present my virginity to my wife... but mentally i'm no virgin.... wish I was... but I take full responsibility and currently on the path to restoration and on the path of having a redeemed mind.... i mean, as a guy, many guys in their younger years indulged w/ porn and masturbation.... lust is one thing men struggle with....
but more or less... as long as we are on the broken journey towards redemption... we are granted empowerment by God's grace to break through to when you get to the point where you face your marriage and this peice of dirty laundry arises... both you and your significant will by God's grace pull through it and work through... imagine the glory God will recieve when both of you can face past sexual sin and rise above it as God empowers both of you....
@jmsnooks@xanga - "I also don't want to date fat women either"
Because the only thing a woman is good for is sex and looks.
Please. "You don't want do date a fat woman". Watch Shallow Hal. I think it should be a requirement for all men.
There are women in this world who aren't virgins and aren't skinny but that doesn't mean they aren't beautiful, kind, and precious to God. Very judgemental (and a little arrogant!) of you to think a woman is not worthy of you because she's either not a virgin or not a lithe 100 pounds!
And what about men? Should men also wait for "the right one" before engaging in sex or is that a rule that only applies to women?
@jmsnooks@xanga - first off I don't wish this to degenerate into a flame war, that is not my intent at all.
Ephesians 5:25-27 (New American Standard Bible)25(A)Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and (B)gave Himself up for her, 26(C)so that He might sanctify her, having (D)cleansed her by the (E)washing of water with (F)the word, 27that He might (G)present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be (H)holy and blameless. 28So husbands ought also to (BJ)love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30because we are (BK)members of His (BL)body. 31(BM)FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
(all bible references taken from Biblegateway.com)
2 Corinthians 11:2
For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I (C)betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might (D)present you as a pure virgin.
do not bother yourself as to what I have done in my life, what does that have to do with anything? look at what I am saying, look at the scripture.
It is time to humble yourself before the Lord, and know that you are worthy of nothing of yourself, FILTHY RAGS! that is all you have to offer the Lord of Glory! but for His perfect grace.
@jmsnooks@xanga -
I have never had sex, and I do actually understand your desire to marry a virgin. I have puzzled through my feelings on this as well, because it's difficult. However, I believe all sins are equal to God. I've lied. I've gossiped. I've hurt people. God has forgiven me, and I don't believe these things should disqualify me for marriage.
To me, it's about repentance. If a person has repented for losing their virginity, then God has completely cleansed them and made them as white as snow. He doesn't ever remember it against them again. I don't believe I have a right to do any less. Now, this is hypothetical. If it came up in an actual relationship, I'm not sure how I'd react. I hope that I would allow God to guide me.
@jmsnooks@xanga - @AdveniatRegnumTuum@xanga - Hi I am decided to include both of ya....
Mr Jms are you without sin?
Why is the act of sexual sin anyless forgivable than your past?
What happens if Gods pick for you happens to be a lady like that & you're to prideful to see her or the meaning of true Grace....
or What if you find the girl of your "dreams" & she says Nope I don't want him...he did this , this & this.....
You Really need An Encounter with the Living God who has saved you from your sin by His Grace & Mercies. Your Pride astounds me ...
@jmsnooks@xanga - I should mention, I realize I have so far directed all the talk about who we are without Christ in a way that may not make it clear that I know this applies to all people, so here goes.
if not for the blood of Christ I am as a whore, worthless, I have nothing to give, I am utterly dead in sin, fit for nothing but to be cast into the fire.
so yes, now you all know my dirty dirty secret! I have freely given myself over to the flesh, I have given my body for the use of sin. I am dead. but for Christ! where I was once dead He has made me alive! where I was scarred, blackened by sin, He has made me pure.
When once I played the harlot, He has called me His own. He has called me His purest bride! He looks at me and sees beauty beyond measure! Before God I am spotless this day! DO NOT CALL UNCLEAN THAT WHICH THE LORD HAS MADE CLEAN!
that is all
oh, actually I guess I'll comment on the post real quick here too.
I don't think it would be honest to say you are a virgin if you have had extra-marital sex, but as you can see from my above comments, I feel pretty strongly about the absolute sinlessness all we who are in Christ have.
The essence of this topic is forgiveness. When we confess our sins and ask God for forgiveness, He does just that He forgives us. He wipes the slate clean and makes it so that we are placed back in line to recieve all that He has in store for us. So yes God does, in essence, press ctrl+z because we are no longer plagued by our wrong doing. The young women you read about were able to go back to their lives washed clean by the blood of Jesus, so if they want to say they are spiritually pure they can because they are. Furthermore, their testimonies are valuable assets to the body of Christ because so many people, teens especially, need to be delivered from fornication.
@MissTNicole@xanga - That was very well put. Thanks.
@KechiNeko244@xanga - Of course men should also wait. I have never had sex before, that is why I am unable to sympathize with those who have. I have certainly been presented with ample opportunities but I'm not weak willed so I never gave in. Of course I have just as many raging hormones as the next guy but that doesnt excuse giving in. I find it fascinating the sorts of inferences people draw from strait forward comments.
Actually I want a variety of things from a woman, intellectual companionship is very important to me, as is emotional support. Just for the record, I have dated a woman in the past solely on the basis of personality, and I did not find her physically attractive. Having done that, I realized that being in a situation where you do not find your lover physically attractive is less than ideal. It is not fair to you or to the other person. I live a lifestyle of health and physical activity, and I don't much care for women that are weak or lethargic. Of course I used fatness as an example of something I don't like to illustrate that there are other things which I consider to be turn offs, and I don't have to try to force myself to be attracted to my turn offs just because my turn offs exist.
@Sunshineonarainydays - Banned from society? How did you arrive at that conclusion based on what I said? Not banned from society, but the fact that western societies no longer attach a stigma to extra-marital sex speaks sad volumes about the state of things.
@AdveniatRegnumTuum@xanga - I am aware of all your points and all of the scripture you have quoted. You however, are not following my logic. So for the moment I am going to abandon logic and just state that when it comes to who I select as a mate, I can be as arbitrary as I want because I have the freedom to choose. I can choose to marry if I find someone suitable for me, or I can choose to stay single forever. And regardless of what I choose, you still have no grounds for taking umbrage.
@Made2sing4Jesus@xanga - It's not an issue of pride, it's an issue of I've never had sex before and I don't want anyone who has for a wife. A woman's chastity is the best gift she can give her husband, if she can't give it to me. So in that case she would be getting the better bargain out of the marriage than I would and how would that be fair to me? When you are seeking for a mate you put your needs first, and once you find someone suitable you put their needs first. I am still in the seeking stage so I can be as arbitrary as I want. If I never find anyone then so be it.
The only way God would force someone like that on me was if he were malevolent or didn't have my needs at heart. At any rate, the litmus test for determining who God wants me to be with will be whether or not I actually make it to marriage. So far I've been in a few relationships and they all fell through. As to the girl of my dreams, I actually found a few such women (match making website), and one of them I was able to cultivate a relationship with, however, I gave up on it because she was overseas and the worthless Federal government has created enough red tape to make it difficult and perhaps impossible for me to bring her here, at least at present. So either God will supply the woman or he won't, but either way I'm not going to give in and be like everyone else.
@jmsnooks@xanga - I never said to be like everyone else I said you were Telling God ..I only want a wife its its my way not Yours.... I have been married for 16yrs I have some knowledge on this! I beg to differ you are very prideful.... WHO are you to tell God only or if...!?
Thinking that your virginity is restored when your forgiven is akin to thinking that you are going to be unpregnant after having sex... once either one happens it is done... you can attain forgiveness, but you are not going to be physically changed.
@Made2sing4Jesus@xanga - Clearly you were not following all of my dialogue, I must therefore copy and paste:
The best gift a woman can give her husband is her virginity, and a woman that can't offer that can't offer that. Again, I doubt you will understand my perspective, but I'll try once more. There is an extreme amount of social pressure in western societies to have sex. This causes most people to have sex (but it doesn't excuse it). It also means that there are less people who have not had sex, and availibility is limited. If I choose someone that has had sex, aside from the personal loss that I would experience, I would send off the following signals regardless of my intent:
1) Virgins are so scarce that I was unable to find one
2) It's not such a big deal that people had sex because 'everyone is doing it'
3) Even though I never had sex ultimately I still had to give into the social pressures, therefore the social pressures are absolute and inescapable even to the extreme minority that chooses to remain pure
I have dated non-virgins in the past and I have decided that enough is enough. I want my wife to belong to me and I will belong to her. There will be no history of previous sexual relations or there will be no marriage. It's as simple as that.
I'm not TELLING God anything. That would be pointless since God already knows everything and I am not in a position to dictate. However, I do not believe God would force on me someone like that as I have been faithful to God and pure, that would be like kicking my dog because he did something right. I do not believe that God punishes people for being faithful. Prideful? No. Angry and irritated with the society around me and the pressure to conform? Yes. At any rate, if my understanding of human psychology bears true, people typically feel the need to be defensive about an issue when they feel connected to the issue. Even if the attack on the issue has nothing to do with them personally and cannot affect them in any way. So I ask you, what is your stake in this? Are you feeling attacked because you didn't wait until marriage to have sex? You see, I come from a conservative Christian family, and my parents, grandparents, great granparents, and as far back as we can go, have never engaged in extramarital sex, nor have there been any divorces. They all insist that I find someone who is a virgin and consider it absurd to seek out anyone who is not. They agree with everything I'm saying. So I am going to go out on a limb and assume that the basis for your disagreement is self justification.
I personally don't think God should take away someone's virginity, but he has the power to do so. Well, at least it shouldn't be taken away until they've really, and i mean REALLY learned their lesson, and they want to go back to the way it was and not make the same mistake again. I don't think I'd ask God for my virginity back, but for forgiveness. Once your virginity is gone, it's gone. Nothing can take it back unless you go back in time and redo everything which is highly impossible, but that's just my opinion.
I have however found it interesting that the virgin attribute and tarnished and used phrases always seem to be applied to women who have sex... and the men seem to not be brought up... men are just as used and tarneshed and not a virgin as the women are... this is one area where I agree that women get the short end of the stick or are predjuiced against...
Men many times are jsut sowing their wild oats, women are not good for taking home to mama... this is truely a time when man looks on the outward appearance and god looks on the heart....
@jmsnooks@xanga -
I have a question for you. As I stated in my previous comment, I have also not engaged in premarital sex.
My question is this: You seem to believe that God forgives those who engage in sex before marriage if they are repentant. However, you also seem to imply that you think such people will always be less desirable as partners.
How does this work? When I read Scripture, it seems to me that it's clear that God doesn't hold any sins against anyone after they repent; He makes them new. The Bible also says that I ought to be like God in every way.
Here's the crux of the question:
If God doesn't hold someone's past sexual sins against them, and if the Bible also tells me to be like God, then how can I hold someone's past sins against them if they have repented and turned to God?
I understand the common sense of waiting for a period of time (like years) and watching to see that someone has changed. What I don't understand is how I could be justified in rejecting someone based on a sin that God doesn't reject them for.
What are your thoughts?
God forgives us what we did wrong if we ask him genuinely, that's sure, but yeah, this "restoring virginity" seems weird to me.
And "it's normal for people to ask if you're a virgin" - Is it?? I don't think it is o_O It is a private thing that I haven't asked anyone, not even my friends. (except for my bf, that's a different thing and we should be definitely sincere about it to each other, but as for other people it's none of their buiseness.)
@KechiNeko244@xanga - You're
right. Usually, it's not the church that does it, but the members in
the church, particularly the high school girls who have no sense of
decorum. To be fair, I've never been asked the status of my sex life
while in a church, but I've only been to maybe 10 churches that I
remember, and rarely more than two or three times. But, I have been told horror stories about it.
I think once you're out of the youth group age, you're a little safer, in general.
Hearing your story about you and your husband, I wonder: what is your
opinion on the stream of Christianity that says that once a couple is
engaged, it is not a sin to have sex (unless they break of the
engagement before marrying), either for yourself or for others?
@jmsnooks@xanga - Why is it so important to you to date a virgin? I can understand why you wouldn't want to date a slut, but not every girl who has sex before marriage (or has sex during marriage and her spouse dies or needs a divorce) is a slut. I have had sex, though I'm not married, and it had nothing to do with drunkenness. I made a conscious decision to share that part of me with my boyfriend, which I will never regret. I don't know that our life paths will permit us to be together forever, so I could see myself having sex with someone else eventually, but it wouldn't be any less special to me if this future man wasn't the first. I think as long as someone holds sex as something precious and sacred, there's no reason to think of her as unfitting for dating or marriage, which your phrasing seemed to imply.
@jmsnooks@xanga - Why do you insist upon only having a virgin for your next girlfriend? So you're a virgin. So what? Are, are you incapable of seeing beyond a woman's sexual past? Must a woman only be as experienced or inexperienced as you are? Does that apply in other aspects of her humanity? Why do you define the women you see by their virginity? If God's forgiveness is readily given to them, why is your forgiveness so much harder to receive?
Just because you have not had sex does not give you room to be more discriminating. What about lies? Greed? Rebellion? Gluttony? Laziness? Are you sinless? Would you date a woman who has told a lie before? If you date one, does that mean you approve of deceit?
You don't "WANT" these women. As a woman, I'll rather spend my life in a mouldy attic with scratchy cats and eat rats for food than settle for a man like you. Oh yes, I'm a virgin, and a size 8/10. So too bad.
And if you would deign to answer a lowly woman's questions, I would love to read your answers, your sinless Majesty.