Wednesday, 02 July 2008
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He Restores My Soul...And My Virginity??
Several years ago, I read a story in a Christian teen magazine about a Christian girl who succumbed to a hot guy and lost her virginity to him. Wracked by guilt and angst, she begged for God's forgiveness, and at the end of the story, God told her that He could restore her virginity (on a spiritual level, not a physical one of course), so that while she wasn't technically a virgin, she could present herself as pure. Not long afterward, I read some Christian fiction about a non-Christian who, after believing, asked God to make her a virgin again. I guess it's a common theme. At the time, I thought the concept of restoring a girl's virginity was kind of weird, yet even after encountering a lot more sexual immorality in college, I feel a little uncomfortable at the idea.
On the one hand, God will wash as white as snow, God cleanses us, God forgives and forgets, the old has gone and the new has come, all that's in the Bible. Were I a Christian who felt convicted about having premarital sex, I would ask God to cleanse me of sin too. Thanks to God's forgiveness, I would not be bound by my sexual sin anymore, and God wouldn't one-up me whenever He felt like it...but were someone to ask me if I were a virgin, I would still say no. To even add, "But thanks to God, I'm a virgin again," or "I'm a virgin, but I have had sex," just sounds silly.
I don't know if it was the stories' intention, but it sounded like the girls were given an excuse to say they were virgins and thus escape judgment, which is one of the biggest consequences (after risk of pregnancy, STDs, guilt, etc) that a Christian has to deal with after engaging in premarital sex. It doesn't really matter whether or not you personally believe it's wrong ... you'll probably be judged by some member of the Christian community, or maybe even by a future boyfriend/girlfriend (don't even get me started on why I never read any stories about God restoring a dude's virginity...can of worms, can of worms...)
I'm having difficulty applying the idea to other sins because while it's normal for people to ask if you're a virgin, you don't often hear them ask you if you're a thief, liar, gossiper, murderer or anything like that arbitrarily.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I wouldn't ask God to restore my virginity if I regretted having consensual, premarital sex. He could forgive me, and in doing so, restore my soul (which means, perhaps, that the virginity would be included by default?) but when I ask for mercy, I don't think God hits Ctrl+z and makes it as if I never sinned in the first place; rather, He gives me a reason to move ON from my sin instead of being stuck on it. After all, while Christ's death created us anew, we haven't gone back to our nature prior to original sin.
How do you feel about God restoring virginity? Is it something you'd ask Him to do for you if you felt convicted about having premarital sex?
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Comments (150)
that's just weird... i mean, if someone cheats on their spouse and asks for forgiveness, can they say, "oh, i didn't cheat"??? no way! what's done is done, and yes God forgives, but like you said, it's about moving on, not erasing the past. (and i think Ctrl+Z might be more appropriate ;P)
hmmm I can see what your saying But having been in a Lisa Bevere Girls Only Youth conf. I also get what they are saying. Its a heart thing,,its not meant to be a badge to prove "I am a Good Girl" It is meant to heal their hearts ...to restore them to a place in their hearts & minds that is more pure.... So that they do not carry the stigma even if self inflicted.
Its ALL too too Sad All of the youth for several Gens. have had their sex drives awaken way too early & these teachings by her are helpful valid on helping a Over Sexed Generation You should pick up a book by her on tis subject.
God can forgive, sure. Let me rephrase that...God DOES forgive. But God works with us to change our futures, BECAUSE of what's happened in the past. That, he won't change. The definition of "virgin" is "never had sex." If Mary had had premarital sex with Joseph but then said, "Oh, God forgive me, I want to be a virgin again," the whole "Jesus was born of a virgin" thing would be laughable.
If I had premarital sex, no doubt I would feel guilty and ashamed, but it is ridiculous to ask God to make you a virgin again. God isn't a person playing "The Sims." He doesn't control every aspect of our life. He has given us free will as a gift, but with free will comes the ability to mess up; if we CHOOSE to disobey, God won't stop us, and even though he forgives in the blink of an eye if we ask for it and repent, he will still allow consequences because of our sin.
Sparknotes version: No.
As someone that has had premarital sex, I can assure you that my guilt was as great as my sin, especially feeling the need to hide it and lie about it in front of my Christian family/peers. However, while I do believe that God forgives all sins I do not believe in restoring your virginity. That is something you can never get back. You do have a start at not having sex again, but I wouldn't go as far as saying that I would go into my wedding night feeling like a virgin if I've had sex before.
i think that after God redeems you from that sexual sin that you are a "virgin" again in your soul. sometimes it's hard to accept God's forgiveness and actually feel like you are forgiven. so i think just that renewal is good to have. God's blood makes you clean again.
i wouldn't go around saying that you were a virgin, but make it clear that you learned from your mistake and that you are now leading an abstinent life.
your soul is purified by God's forgiveness, so you can say that you are pure in that way. but you can't hide that earlier decision from your husband or anything. even though you've been forgiven, you still have that scar on your conscience as a warning or a guide to you. losing your virginity is something you will have to discuss with your husband, probably before you get married, so the two of you can work it out and understand things. otherwise there will definitely be problems in the marriage. i think you'll have to ask forgiveness of your husband! that's a huge thing.
I think God forgives us, but he doesn't turn back the clock. You can't "undo" every sin, or even make reparations for every sin. You have to move on, accepting your sin and vowing to "go and sin no more." But if you have had sex, you can't forget it like it didn't happen. That's lying to yourself and others.
The whole concept of losing your viriginity means you change. That's why losing your viriginity is a big deal: it changes you, and your relationship with the person to whom you gave it to. (I'm not going to talk about rape or anything like that here, just consentual, premarital sex.) So any "restoration of virginity" MUST include a reverting back to an old relationship, which has now changed because of sex. Yes, I am pure again in God's eyes (Praise Him), but that doesn't mean my relationships are the same as they were before. My relationship with any future girlfriend is going to include a very awkward conversation that it wouldn't have were I a virgin, and that is probably going to hurt her. I wish I didn't have to have that conversation, but I'm going to, even though I'm forgiven for my past sins.
Virginity entails more than just "never having had sex," even though that's the definition. It's the connotations that make it important, and those connotations/consequences aren't changed after forgiveness and grace. I don't mean to belittle forgivness and grace, only put them in their place of what God intended them to do and not do. Grace doesn't remove consequences (besides guilt/shame) or change history; it only removes the black mark on our record.
Also, if God restores our virginity, then it's entirely possible that Jesus is not the only one to ever be born of a virgin. It's plausible, probable even, that a girl has had sex, felt bad, asked for forgiveness, and then found out she was pregnant and has the kid 9 months later. This doesn't mean her child was born of a virgin; s/he was born of a mother who has been forgiven.
That all said, if you're reading this and have lost your virginity and found peace in the idea of a restored virginity, ignore me. I don't want to send you spiraling back into the pit of guilt and shame that you got out of by claiming a restored virginity.
much love
-Your deflowered brother in Christ
Now, I know very little on this topic, so I will just express what I feel.
It seems to me that there are two aspects of virginity. There is the experiential/emotional/spiritual side of virginity (I'll call this the inner aspect) and then there is the physical aspect of virginity. Now, at least for women (again, I know very little about all of this) there is a physical change when she loses her virginity. There is also a change in experience (sex being a new one), an emotional change (we aren't robots) and a spiritual change (at least, if you believe in the soul and are concerned about the moral/religious aspects of having sex).
If a woman has premarital sex and feels badly about it because of religious reasons, absolutely ask God for forgiveness! What a beautiful thing. Absolutely. And He will forgive her, completely. However, will he restore her virginity? In a manner, I believe he would.
I believe God would heal/restore the "inner aspect" of virginity. Such a blessed woman, having learned God's ideas and intentions behind sex, the value of marriage, etc., may indeed be quite capable of experiencing married sex in such a new way on an interior level that it is a completely new experience. A completely new emotional response would likely occur, and many beautiful things would probably connect within her heart, especially towards the one she is sharing the experience with (so much beauty there!). The spiritual experience of married sex, especially when informed by the Bible and the teachings of your church, and also enriched by prayer between spouses, is beyond compare in its beauty and richness. So yes, I believe this aspect of virginity can be not only healed and restored but transformed by God.
I don't believe, however, that the physical aspect can. So much will remain- God forgives our sins, yes, but does he erase our memories? If we do drugs that require cutting or injecting, does he erase the scars? If we kill someone, does he bring them back to life? If we cheat on our spouse, does he make your spouse or the person you cheated with forget? Does God erase criminal records? If you have premarital sex and become pregnant, does he make your baby disappear?
Perhaps in extremely rare and miraculous occasions. But I would say, "Yes, he could, but he doesn't." Why? I do not know. What I do know, though, that instead of "fixing" our mistakes, he grants us the grace to live with them, to overcome the worldly oppression of physical "scars of sin" by reminding us through grace of the heavenly reality that is waiting for us on the other side of our suffering.
For example, Jesus rose (alleluia!) from the dead; the inner aspect of death was completely restored and healed, as well as much of the physical aspect. However, he still was able to invite Thomas to touch the wounds in his hands and feet, and to place his hand in his side. One might think that Christ risen from the dead would be made whole, completely restored and healed. But he still bore his wounds, just like we do, only he bore the scars of OUR sins and not his own. Did that stop him from living? Absolutely not; it is in fact the most powerful testimony to the power of God. Instead of a God who swoops down to "fix things," God is a loving Father who helps us to bear things, that we might discover the amazing strength that he blessed us with, that he enhances with the Holy Spirit through the Cross of Christ. God literally becomes our Simon of Cyrene, reminding us that we are made in the image and likeness of God. God is MIGHTY and so are we, if only we would allow God to more fully reveal that within ourselves!
There are few testimonies more powerful than meeting a woman who spent the best years of her life as a prostitute who eventually found God, received his forgiveness, and was blessed in finding a man who would call her his bride and raise children with her. Such women have no illusions as to the loss of their virginity, and though it weighs heavily upon them it is made bearable by God's grace. The same goes for drug addicts and alcoholics, criminals and even your "every day sinner" like myself.
Sorry for the long comment... I guess I had a lot to say! And again, I am no expert; these are only my thoughts. I'm sure it is an entirely different experience for someone who actually goes through such a thing!
Note: Though I tried to illustrate my thoughts by separating the two "aspects" of virginity as I understand it, by no means can they be considered separate; they are one, as we are not souls-in-bodies but are ensouled beings.
check out Psalm 51.
It's a prayer from David asking God to fogive him after he had intercourse with Bathsheba. It's the idea that God can forgive you and make you a virgin spiritually again, if you promise him you will not have sex until you are married again. A second virginity is the idea that you will wait from now on and honor God.Although I have prayed this prayer, that does not mean that I can present myself to my future husband as a virgin, just as having been pure since I realized that what I was doing was wrong.
In order for God to restore someones virginity he would have to undo the event that caused you to lose it, which would involve altering the timeline. Since people remember having sex, and others can vouch that it happened, it's obvious that it did happen and if it happened you're not a virgin. So that whole "I'm a virgin again" plea is delusional. People need to accept the consequences and move on, if you didn't wait for marriage the thing to do is share your regrets and warnings with the next generation of girls growing up so that they won't make the same mistake.
That whole concept is ABSOLUTELY absurd. If you fucked up (pun intended), then have the balls to stick up for yourself (oh, I'm full of them today).
Now, if a girl was raped, then I can kind of understand why she might consider herself still a virgin. But if you volunteered to have sex (even when drunk!) then it's your own fault and you have to live with it. True, God can forgive you or whatever, but that doesn't make what happened disappear. Too many people say "Oh, it doesn't matter how hard I party Friday and Saturday - that's what church on Sunday will make up for!"
I agree, though, that Christians can be really judgmental. If I was going to join a church, I'd be really torn, because I wouldn't want to be ripped apart for admitting I'm not a virgin. Of course, I'm not going to join a church, and I don't have a problem telling people that I'm not a virgin, but I can understand where people might be terrified of the social stigma attached with having had sex. Bottom line, if you're going to feel guilty about it after, then don't do it. Ugh.
And no, I would never ask God to restore my virginity. First, I don't believe in God, but more importantly, I'm not ashamed of my choices.
@sheepthatsblack@xanga - Wow. What a great response, seriously. Nice to hear the male point of view on a topic that's typically dominated by females!
Just as a side note, I have been trying to find a female virgin since I was first interested in girls. I've gone to some great lengths and I find them scarce. Right now I'm still single because of that. My first 2 girlfriends were not virgins and after that I decided enough was enough. It's sad how many "Christians" are unwilling to wait for marriage before they have sex. It seems that Moslems are ahead of "Christians" when it comes to chastity, which makes no sense to me since it is supposed to be we who have the revealed word of God. There shouldn't be any other group that is more pure.
my opinion is that if you've had premarital sex and "restore your virginity", it's only spiritually.
@la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga - I don't believe that most of the females in churches are virgins these days anymore either. I have been looking for a female virgin for years and the only time I found one was when I got into an overseas relationship with a girl in India. Over in India they don't engage in sex so rampantly as people do in western countries. Correction, my first girlfriend was a virgin but as soon as she went off to college she got drunk and screwed off with some guy. She just couldn't wait until marriage and now she's not going to get married.
@thinkpinkpanther@xanga - exactly my thoughts
you can be a virgin and not be pure... so i dont think virginity is really anything big of a deal except the "first time" thing... [now don't misunderstand what i am saying as in i dont care kind of thing]... i have a friend that didn't break her virginity until she was 21, however she has had oral sex with guys, gave hand jobs and all the other things without intercourse sex.
i told her that techically she was not a virgin. cuz she was not pure.
you can lose your virginity and become pure.... but there is no such thing as restoring it ... unfortuantely. it is one time thing. if it came to be personal, dont talk about it.
I think it's sort of like a "clearing your conscience" thing. It's easier to deal with the loss of that and, sometimes, the loss of the guy, if you don't spend every waking hour regreting it. Knowing that God forgives restores your peace and gives you comfort. We're humans and we mess up, especially when we're young. When the right man comes along, he'll understand. It may be hard for him to accept, but he shouldn't think of you any differently because you made a mistake in the past.
The main thing is to not make the mistake in the future.
The Bible is pretty clear that when you accept Christ and ask for His forgiveness, your sins are washed away and you become as pure snow. There are those who take this, along with the "born again" analogy in John 3, to mean that they get a fresh start when they become Christians. Some people didn't know it was wrong to have sex, or do drugs, or whatever, so now that they know, they don't do it anymore. In this case, yes I think people can regain spiritual purity- spiritual virginity, if you will. However, they still have to confess their physical past to a future spouse. I think it's just a way of moving past your old life.
Reclaiming your virginity after you accept christ because you "gave in to a hott guy"... that sounds a little more farfetched. Watch "Saved" if you want to know where that leads.
@jmsnooks@xanga - Shame! do you not know that you are but trash? a worthless whore? Soiled, shamed, dirty, unfit for the trash heap but for the blood of Christ! you who have prostituted yourself to the world, and yet, if you are indeed in Christ, he claims you as his own, His purest bride, whiter than snow! How can you who depend on His purification for your very life's breath not trust His blood to make a sister in Christ pure? If she is not pure, then you are damned!
that said, examine her (or his, in my case it would be a her though) life, is she repentant? is she walking in newness of life? This is what I mean when I ask if she, or you, are in Christ.
@AdveniatRegnumTuum@xanga - I didnt say they couldnt be saved, I just said I don't want them. I also don't want to date fat women either. And since I have never had sex, I have a little more room to be discriminating. You have to understand my perspective. I would see marrying someone who is not a virgin as giving my approval to that lifestyle. I would be recognizing that everyone around me has sex and that it's a normal and acceptable practice. It may be normal but that doesn't make it acceptable.
@jmsnooks@xanga - would you see marrying someone who was born in sin as giving approval to a lifestyle of sin? once again, If you are clean enough for God, how can she be too dirty for you? You are damned by your own judgment. Are you holier than God that you should refuse as unclean that which He has made clean?
I might add that you should consider Gods perspective, He is pure perfectly pure. He does not think that we who are in Christ are anything less than the choicest perfect bride! You say you can be choosy because you are still a virgin? Consider God! He shames you with His grace.
IMHO...I think it's absurd. Young women might use it as just as excuse to have premarital sex..
"Oh I really shouldn't have sex with him....But what the hell, God will forgive me, so why not?"
Ok, I know the above example is kind of harsh.
But whether or not the young woman is spiritually renewed as a virgin...she had sexual intercourse with a man....there's no denying that. It's there, in her mind, she'll remember what she did. It happened and there is no taking it back.
If she asks for spiritual virginity so she can remain pure in front of her peers, so when she is asked if she is a virgin, saying 'yes' won't feel like a lie...Then it is for the wrong purpose.
But if she asks for spiritual virginity because she truly feels horrible about committing the sin and actually promises not to have sex again until she is married...and she believes in it...then it's for the right purpose.
@jmsnooks@xanga - ...you make it sound like a women who has had premarital sex should be banned from society. There are plenty of virgins out there, maybe you just aren't looking hard enough.
I don't mean for this comment to sound harsh, if it came off that way to anyone, I apologize.
God Bless and Jesus Loves You
=)