Wednesday, 02 July 2008
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God Called Us to Give Up Our Relationship
from christie
I've always been the good girl. I never went too crazy, and I was usually shy around new people. I'd never been a person who wanted to party, and people always said that I have a high maturity level for my age. I didn't like to be around smoking of any kind. I hated it when my friends talked about drinking or something perverse. It's just the way I've always been. I had crushes here and there, but I hadn't truly liked someone full throttle for the past year and a half at least. I knew that I would not settle for a mediocre partner, and I just let the idea of having a boyfriend go because it didn't seem that important anymore. I knew that one day at a certain point and time, there was someone perfect out there for me, one person waiting for me to love and him to love me in return. That's when he came along...He was not so much the good guy. In his highschool years he would: party, drink, play mean pranks of people, knock down mail boxes, look at other women while he had a girlfriend, and look at other women in a lustful way. He even involved himself in a sexual relationship with his then-girlfriend. Then she turned her back on him, and slept with someone else. That's when his world got rocked... he fell apart because of that experience, and turned to God. He had a period where he simply dated the Lord, and turned out to become a strong man of God. He prayed about when he could enter a relationship again, and the Lord replied with: "When I bring her to you."
Which brings all of you to the "us" portion of the entry. We'd met at my niece's apartment sometime in the beginning of November because we all went up to Kalamazoo to check out the church she was going to. At first, he did not warm up to me, I mean he was friendly, but I knew from the first moment I saw him that I liked him. And that was that. But two weeks later, I saw him again at the apartment, and this time he was very friendly. We began to flirt a little bit and get to know each other better, and all I remember is that when I left for my town, and he stayed behind. I looked back at him in the doorway of the apartment with a smile thinking: "I'll see you again." Basically, he called me the day after thanksgiving, and ever since then... here we are... seven months later.
Seven months later, the Lord has called me to sacrifice my love for him, if only for a season. I know seven months doesn't seem a lot, but it's hard to type out the full extent of our story... I'm heartbroken, I'm torn, and I'm hurt. He took me home from church tonight, and I walked out of that car knowing that we would never be the same. I can't talk to him about how I'm feeling or say things like "I miss you." He can't show me he cares more about me than any other girl. I can't show him that I absolutely adore him. It's so hard right now because it's like you can't see past right now. I mean, the Lord knows all so he already knows how it's going to play out, but I can't envision anything else than the pain. I can't even hope that we're going to be together in the end later on because my focus would still be on him. This relationship literally has to die in order to seek the Lord whole-heartedly. I don't even know if I'll be able to talk to him. It could take months, years...this is what it means to be selfless.
I just have to believe that in the end, everything will be so much better than it is now. The Lord will provide exceedingly and abundantly more than what I could've ever imagined. In some supernatural way, things will be okay. I just know it.
Has God ever called you to give up something you really wanted to keep (a person, a habit, a place, a job, etc?) How did you deal with that?
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Comments (58)
Honey, the people who say it's a cop-out to believe what God is asking of you-- don't believe them. Follow what you know God is saying.
In the past 20 years, God has asked me to give up a dream job, a boyfriend whom I loved completely, a job and community I loved (twice), and various dreams, including the dream of giving birth. Some of these He has restored to me, some He has withheld. In all of these situations, He has eventually let me glimpse some of His redemptive purposes, even though I would never have chosen to go through what I have.
Through it all, even when my faith diminished to nearly nothing, He has been GOOD. Hold on. Hold tight. Don't let go. He is doing a good work in you!
This quote may not be entirely true (I'm not sure God has favorites!), but it comforts me in suffering nevertheless!
"It is a fact of Christian experience that life is a series of troughs and peaks. In His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, God relies more on the troughs that the peaks. And some of His special favorites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else." -Peter Marshall
Inspiring post. I wish you the best!
oh yes. i hear you sister. it's very hard. i know what it is like to endure and have to wait, not knowing how things will work out. 17 years ago, i had to die to myself at 19 and have a baby rather than have an abortion or give it up for adoption. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do because i was depressed enough already, separated from an abusive/unfaithful husband, lost, selfish and really did not like babies/children. during my pregnancy i was literally repulsed every step of the way and nauseaous and sick just about every day as well. my pregnancy was hell on earth and every day felt like a year, but it was worth it in the end. i became saved before she was born. the day i saw my daughter for the first time it was like God knew exactly what i needed her to be like. it was like He read my mind and knew ever better than myself what was best. she was better than i could have ever imagined. i can't say it's been always easy raising her as a single parent, but God has blessed me tremendously every step of the way. He's given me new dreams and desires that i never knew i'd want or have. most importantly, He showed me His most amazing grace that when i deserved it the least. my daughter is the best thing that ever happened in my life. she's (17 years old now) amazingly beautiful, talent, brilliant, funny, graceful, wise, compassionate, self-sacrificing, loyal, loves the Lord, and is set apart for God. She's also one of my best friends. I don't know what I would have ever done without her in my life. she's a diamond of a girl! =)
so you see, if it's meant to be, it is worth the wait. you'll appreciate it so much more after all the waiting is over. and, if it's not meant to be, then surely God must have something better in mind. you're in my prayers, julie
i might have missed something, but what makes you both believe that God has called you both to give up the relationship?
in any case, be hopeful. like so many people here, my gf and i were in a very similar situation. after i messed up VERY badly, we broke up- a.k.a. God took us apart, albeit for a season, but a PAINFUL, clinically DEPRESSED season. to make a long story short, she and i BOTH had to learn how to give each other up to God. COMPLETELY. it was not, and i kid you now, it was not until THEN that God slowly restored our friendship, and then subsequently, our relationship. we had to get to the point where we could say wholeheartedly: "if he/she is not your will for my life, i will accept it."
now, i dont know what your situation is.... but i do pray for God's comfort and healing hand to be on both of your lives. remember that Christ is the only thing that will keep us together when everything in our life begins to fall apart. stay strong sister. God bless.
-ro
I have dealt with all the requests from God which you asked about many times Most of those times I dealt with them badly or poorly or not-very-spritually. But I learned something in every one of them. I learned more about the immensity, the enormity, the intensity of God's grace!
You just hang on to that positive confession. Keep your eyes upon Jesus and trust Him! And listen for His voice.
when i was younger one of my biggest fears (even though i probably didn't realize it) was that i would never get married. i dated a guy for 3 years and it ended horribly. i wanted nothing but to get back together with him. i eventually (about 2 years later ) realized that i had to give up the idol of ever getting married or being with anyone. i learned to be happy with God and nothing else. then less than a year later i met my husband. my husband is wonderful. he is perfect for me in every way. i know for a fact that God picked him for me. the boy i dated first could never even compare. God is faithful. i know that's hard to hold on to while you are going through it. but there is an end to the tunnel. and the sooner you learn what God is trying to teach you the closer that end will be.
my advice to you would be to spend less time with this boy. the more that you are around him the more you are going to think about all the ways you wish things were. you both need time to focus on God alone. i know that's hard but like i said the sooner you both learn the sooner it will be over. trust God. he will not forsake you.
@cerealdotcom@xanga - I don't think it would be cruel to tell him how you feel. You don't have to say it the way you described it here- you can tell him that you like him but you aren't willing to sacrifice your relationship with the Lord to be with him. You never know, he may decide he wants a relationship with the Lord too!
Yes. I really really liked this guy even though I KNEW he wasn't good for me. I prayed about it and prayed about it and the Lord kept telling me to let him go. I refused. I prayed and he answered- but I refused. Funny how I wanted an answer but then I didn't like the one he gave me.
Eventually, I realized that this guy was taking me no where good and it was just getting worse so I DID give him up. Not long after I started dating the man who is now my husband. God works miracles- that's for sure!
Seriously?
Seriously?
The idea that god told you to do this is absurd to me.
Maybe Catcher in the Rye told Mark David Chapman to kill Lennon.
Or that Marilyn Manson made the kids from Columbine shoot up the school.
Obviously you are not very mature for your age.
Um... I don't get it.
Guess I'm with LNG07 - I missed the part as to why you had to break up.
Are you sure that this is where the Lord has called you? I'm not questioning God and his way of reaching people but sometimes we hear messages and assume that it's God when in fact it's not. Have you tried explaining this to your man friend? If he is as into God as it seems then maybe you two can reach a higher level of involvement in both of your walks with Christ. I think if explained this may be something he would understand. Pray about it and just be sure that what you feel is calling you away from him is the truth and that there's not something more there.
~Angel~
wow. Alright maybe I'll digress from the ho hum sympathy.
First of all, I'd like to ask you how the Lord contacted you. Because if he did, hell, I hope you recorded it because I'm sure its not everyday the Lord comes on down from the right hand of God in the High Heavens and whispers into your ear, "Hey...you gotta break up with this dude!"
Next, I'd like you to realize how almost completely illogical you seem to be thinking, throwing yourself at the feet of Christ with such conviction that doesn't in anyway follow the teachings of the Lord himself. Christ preaches love. God is the embodiment of Love. Thats it. There's no divine plan; God is there as a rock for you who are faithful to lean on and utilize as an example in your daily life. He is not some esoteric super being that illuminates your path from time to time until you shake your finger at him and say, "Oh you sly devil you! I know where you're going with this divine plan thing...I think."
With the idea of God as love, he developed this and gave it to his children: humanity. Love your fellow man/woman/whatever. The only thing that is stopping you from loving your man there is yourself. Don't mask your insecurities by saying that "Oh, sorry, it's God's divine plan." You'll only make yourself look stupid.
Next, your idea of selflessness. That part made me laugh. You think that giving up a chance at a relationship because God says so is selfless? What is your definition of selfless? Because I'm led to believe that it is defined as thinking not of yourself, but those who inhabit your surrounding. Physical manifestations if you want to play the "oh God is everything!" card. Being selfless is walking an old woman across the street. Selflessness is volunteering at your local soup kitchen. Selflessness is holding the bus door for someone who is running to the bus. Selflessness is teaching a community development class for the poor without pay. You are being selfish is what you mean. Please don't mix those two things up, again you'll only make yourself look stupid.
And finally, excuse the language, but pull your head out of your ass and maybe take a look at the world once in a while. I'm not deeply religious, but I respect the philosophies set down by Christ as the "word of God." Be a benefit to society rather than dwelling on secrets of higher things as in "Why does God not want me to be with this man?" If you want me to get religious on you, look inside yourself. God is part of you. The choices YOU make are the choices GOD makes for YOU. So instead of asking what God is doing to you, ask what you are doing to yourself. Because God is the manifestation of humanity, our actions are the reflection of God.
So, pull your head out of your ass and figure yourself out. There's no point in going "I can't do this because God says so." You can't do it because YOU said so. Figure it out and stop whining.
Deja vu ... I have been asked to give up many things... the job I loved ... the man I was married to ... my son who was killed... and have in retrospect realised there has always been a reason ... long term I see the tapestry of progress that makes me better off!
As for relationships and divinity ... I have been told to wait until I see the spirit of God that I love and hold close, in the man who is brought to me when I have learnt about myself, then I will find the emotional support and be loved as I am loved now and I will not be betraying God's spirit by loving a mere man 100%.
It's only been 18 years (guess I am a slow learner - lol) ... I can wait, rather than repeat past mistakes and idolise the wrong person. I respect my divine answer, even through times of doubt ... which may be different to the answer you receive {*_*}
Good faith to you ... I have of course asked that you get any assistance you require... xox
Aw, it's okay hang in there. If he appears in your life at any point again, I think you'll know (: because if you let something you really loved, and it comes back? Who knows what will happen, and I think that's destiny right there when it comes back. I hope that kind of helped >_< I don't know if it made sense.
Right now, I cant remember if God has taken away something that I really wanted/loved. It probably has or will happen, but I try not to regret it because regretting it will only make it worse. If you really do want him back, you should get up and do something about it (: I know its hard to do it, but once you do it, you'll feel so much better that it came out even if the outcome isn't so great. At least, at the end of the day, you'll know that at least you tried, and thats the best thing you could do. I hope I helped, and don't worry too much about it.
I normally don't comment on xangas..
but thanks for sharing.
God is good.
i feel ya.
last year at the end of december, i was very much convicted to end a 2.5 year relationship. it was brutal, to say the least, but omg.. it was so worth it. God has been amazing and wonderful through this past year and a half. it was hard and emotionally trying.. and even spiritually trying. but those times were beautiful b/c i was so broken and i fought so hard to love God and hunger for Him more than any love from any person. it was good. kinda like how God recounts the desert times for the israelites to be like their honeymoon with him. that's how i look back on this experience.
feel free to email me (it's on my xangasite i think...) and i would love to share testimonies with you:)
Something I read from a forum.. Trust God.
Everyone longs to give himself or herself completely to someone, to have a deep and committed soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and unconditionally. But God says:
No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone, with giving yourself totally, unreservedly to Me alone.
I love you, My child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me; exclusively of anyone or anything else; exclusively of any other desires and belongings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -- one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the very best. Please allow Me to bring it to you.
Just keep your eyes on Me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I AM.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.
Don't be anxious. Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Don't look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking up to Me, or you will miss what I want to give you.
And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could ever dream. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even this minute to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me .. and this is perfect love.
The Lord will truly bring you the right person at the right season. If it's the Lord's will, he will come back into your life. For now...just do all you can to seek God's will for your life and things WILL work out. My friend gave me this book and I suggest you read it "I Kissed Dating Good-bye" by Joshua Harris. It shows alot of the same beliefs you already have. There is another book called Boy meets Girl: Say Hello to courtship by the same author. I encourage you to look into them...I've only read the first but I have the other one also...it's really good.
God bless!
@gracehuimin3 - i love that!
@Ruthiemonster@xanga - I have a similar story. I really felt God telling me to end a year long relationship. I am so glad because long story short that guy was NOT the one for me. I'm so glad I can now see that. I know God has someone much better for me. I found out a little while later that one of my friends was praying for me and my relationship and I really just thank God for that friend because my life has changed so much. Being in a relationship at that time in my life wasn't God's will for me. God is soo good!!!
I really felt God telling me to end a year long relationship. I am so glad because long story short that guy was NOT the one for me. I'm so glad I can now see that. I know God has someone much better for me. I found out a little while later that one of my friends was praying for me and that relationship and I really just thank God for that friend because my life has changed so much. Being in a relationship at that time in my life wasn't God's will for me. God is soo good!!!
God has a much better plan than we could ever have so just trust in Him...I know i've sent you a million messages but i realized i didn't answer your question.
@YouTOme@xanga - your story is such a blessing!
i think you are right to stand by your convictions. my daughter actually broke up with her first and only boyfriend because she felt like she was a crutch for him and that he was isolating her too much from family and friends. she did not feel right being the spiritual leader. she wanted him to grow closer to God and felt she was an obstacle to that. it was a very agonizing decision for her because she loved him and wanted to be with him, but he was a new Christian and she had her doubts about whether he was just using God as a way to stay together. unfortunately in their case, he ended up turning away from God and claims to be an atheist now. however, i don't think that will necessarily be your case. i think God will honor your faithfulness somehow, especially since you've given up something so important to you. .
@hazeL_eyed_mami08@xanga - thank you so much! =) i'm glad to share it.