Wednesday, 02 July 2008
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God Called Us to Give Up Our Relationship
from christie
I've always been the good girl. I never went too crazy, and I was usually shy around new people. I'd never been a person who wanted to party, and people always said that I have a high maturity level for my age. I didn't like to be around smoking of any kind. I hated it when my friends talked about drinking or something perverse. It's just the way I've always been. I had crushes here and there, but I hadn't truly liked someone full throttle for the past year and a half at least. I knew that I would not settle for a mediocre partner, and I just let the idea of having a boyfriend go because it didn't seem that important anymore. I knew that one day at a certain point and time, there was someone perfect out there for me, one person waiting for me to love and him to love me in return. That's when he came along...He was not so much the good guy. In his highschool years he would: party, drink, play mean pranks of people, knock down mail boxes, look at other women while he had a girlfriend, and look at other women in a lustful way. He even involved himself in a sexual relationship with his then-girlfriend. Then she turned her back on him, and slept with someone else. That's when his world got rocked... he fell apart because of that experience, and turned to God. He had a period where he simply dated the Lord, and turned out to become a strong man of God. He prayed about when he could enter a relationship again, and the Lord replied with: "When I bring her to you."
Which brings all of you to the "us" portion of the entry. We'd met at my niece's apartment sometime in the beginning of November because we all went up to Kalamazoo to check out the church she was going to. At first, he did not warm up to me, I mean he was friendly, but I knew from the first moment I saw him that I liked him. And that was that. But two weeks later, I saw him again at the apartment, and this time he was very friendly. We began to flirt a little bit and get to know each other better, and all I remember is that when I left for my town, and he stayed behind. I looked back at him in the doorway of the apartment with a smile thinking: "I'll see you again." Basically, he called me the day after thanksgiving, and ever since then... here we are... seven months later.
Seven months later, the Lord has called me to sacrifice my love for him, if only for a season. I know seven months doesn't seem a lot, but it's hard to type out the full extent of our story... I'm heartbroken, I'm torn, and I'm hurt. He took me home from church tonight, and I walked out of that car knowing that we would never be the same. I can't talk to him about how I'm feeling or say things like "I miss you." He can't show me he cares more about me than any other girl. I can't show him that I absolutely adore him. It's so hard right now because it's like you can't see past right now. I mean, the Lord knows all so he already knows how it's going to play out, but I can't envision anything else than the pain. I can't even hope that we're going to be together in the end later on because my focus would still be on him. This relationship literally has to die in order to seek the Lord whole-heartedly. I don't even know if I'll be able to talk to him. It could take months, years...this is what it means to be selfless.
I just have to believe that in the end, everything will be so much better than it is now. The Lord will provide exceedingly and abundantly more than what I could've ever imagined. In some supernatural way, things will be okay. I just know it.
Has God ever called you to give up something you really wanted to keep (a person, a habit, a place, a job, etc?) How did you deal with that?
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Comments (58)
I feel your pain, because I had to endure it too.
yep.. few times.
one night after six months of working in a diary queen, i knew God was telling me to walk out, just like that. io agured with Him and says "why? how will i pay the bills or keep up with what i need? God you will need to show me what to do." the moment i was done talking with God, my then roommate walked in the store and i told her about it. She said, "if God told you what to do, Listen to Him. Not me." Thus I walked out and a month later i found another job that last me a year and an half.
recently I went through the same thing about relationship. I had sinned against God and my boyfriend, i broke up with him and we were seperated for only five days. i heard God telling me to break up in order to show I am trully sorry for my sin, that i am really into Him, not my boyfriend.
hmm.... there was other times... like once when i was praying, i cried in silent and said, "God i am so alone, i want us to sit together at dinner time and be friends, i wanna be able to walk besides you to share my time while i am heading to work... where are you?!" a woman approached to me and answered, "God told me to tell you this, 'Yes I want the same also. I want to sit with you at dinner time and laugh with you. I want to be frineds with you. If only you will just turn to Me."
Man, talk about surprises.
You should read my blog from here: http://www.xanga.com/Ancient_Scribe/662230753/the-mystery-girl-saga.html to the most recent one. I am in the process of relating how it was that God called me from loving the woman of my dreams to entering the priesthood. Perhaps you might find it interesting. I am not finished telling it, but I will be updating with part 3 in the next few days, I imagine.
I'm going through that right now. It's the hardest thing I've had to do. I don't know how well I'm handling it. Probably not well. I'm very often depressed.
I...I don't know what to say. I'm going through something similar. I really like this guy, he's non-Christian and I know myself too well, that I'd most probably juggle my relationship and priorities with God. I want to be completely honest with him and tell him this, but would it be weird if I did tell him? I talked to a friend and her opinion on this was that I shouldn't tell him; she told me to imagine myself as the guy: so a girl you like suddenly tells you that she likes you too except she doesn't want to be with you. Would I be cruel to tell him how I feel?
"It's so hard right now because it's like you can't see past right now. I mean, the Lord knows all so he already knows how it's going to play out, but I can't envision anything else than the pain. I can't even hope that we're going to be together in the end later on because my focus would still be on him. This relationship literally has to die in order to seek the Lord whole-heartedly."
I understand completely, my dear. I recently found someone who sounds similar to the man you dated. We broke it off because he told me that God was telling him to wait. Reading this entry tonight helped me. It really did. I am an impatient person. I need to know answers. I need to have a timetable. I spent part of this evening, wondering if there is a chance of us getting back together and trying to piece together the next year. Your entry reminded me that it is about God - not him. We must live for Him.
Seven months or five weeks (in my case), you know when you have dated someone incredible. It may or may not work out in the end. Just know that you are not alone on this journey. I will be praying for you. God bless you!
My story is so much like yours that it really hits home with me. That's all that I can really say.
i'm also there with you as well...
the thing though with me... is that for me... there is this sincere hope that later on, with as much resolve i'm allowed to have, by grace and mercy's hope, I will be with this girl I'm loving soon...
she's worth the wait and she's valuable... to me... so I need to be with her... as long as it takes for God to work... I will..
but the pain of losing something like this is hard... it still is hard for me... i'm in the coping stage right now...
Recently, instead of going to Air Force Academy, I decided to persue an older calling in my life to be missionary. I fought it hard, considering I was already graduating the Academy's Prep School, but once I made the decision, I knew I made the right one.
Wow. This is extremely crazy. I'm going through much the same thing. It's so hard to let it go...even though we know we need to. I struggle with doing so every day. Thank you for this entry...it's really encouraging. I'll be praying for you.
And I totally agree with mslisachristine. It is about God. Sometimes though...especially with our hearts...it's so hard to trust that it's all going to turn out the best way. I'm having issues with wanting answers too. It's funny...it seems that sometimes, just when we think we've given it all up to God, He finds something else which we are holding onto. Everything's just on loan from Him. Praise God we have all that we do. That's for sure.
i love this website...
wow, well i recently moved in november and i tried the whole "long distance thing" with my guy and it ended up turning into something terrible. There was a ton of miscommunications and its just all around hard when you're on the opposite side of the country, but it can be just as hard when you're riding in the same car and you have to put your relationship on "long distance." well he just stopped talking to me out of nowhere because he got his feelings hurt over a miscommunication and i had to deal with that. I was really brokenhearted, i thought about it all the time. I prayed and read my Bible everyday but my relationship was not the same with God either. I knew that i was in two broken relationships and i had no idea why. Then, with the help of other christians, i began to realize that when i started seeing this guy, i started seeing God less and less. I put him before God on a number of occasions and God did not like that. I had to realize that God is a jealous God and he had to take what i loved most at the time from me to make me realize that i had slowly turned my back on him. I was upset about the move and family issues and i had hardened my heart. After i started getting back on track and focusing on God, things got better and me and the guy made up. We both came to the agreement that if it was of the Lord we would be together in the future, but right now we need to grow in God and just be friends. It is the hardest thing in the world at first.. and im still at the beginning of it, but i know that God will be there and i know that he doesnt give you more than you can handle. I know this must be so hard for you and i'm kind of in the same situation just a little different. But all there is to do is trust in the Lord and know that he has something amazing planned for your life. :) i hope this helps in some way.
Well, about 3 months ago, God told my then "boyfriend" (I woudn't call him my boyfriend) that we had to give eachother time, like a break.
I was new to it since i've never had a relationship with anybody in my church. It was heartbreaking, i didn't understand why we had to. But there was nothing i could do. We had to follow Gods will. It's been more than 3 months now, and i'm still hurt. I lost count of all the times i asked God to take this feeling away and let me be back to the person i once was before i met him. I see him more than 5 times a week, and it hurts, it hurts alot. But i guess time and God will heal this.
He later told me he wanted to be alone and that destroyed me even more because now who knows what's going to happen between me and him. I hope this helps me in someway, because it really does hurt.
And i completely know how you feel. God bless..
No, I think that'd be stupid. Reasonable doubts have called me to give up things I wanted to do, but since I could see WHY it was important, I did it without complaint.
In high school, one of my friends broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year and gave no reason other than "God wanted me to." I thought that was such a cop-out answer. She was so heartbroken, and he claimed to be, but the breakup "conveniently" coincided with him being away all summer with lots of eligible girls.
I guess at the end of the day, you do what you have to do, but it looks so unreal to friends and family, and it hurts the person you're dating so much more than if you just gave the REAL reason you can't be together. Maybe you don't know that because "God hasn't revealed it to you," and like I said, you make those decisions as you feel you need to, but it will hurt him so much more.
Oh MAN!!!!! I feel your pain.... even though my relationship only lasted about 3 months it HURT!!! This blog really helped... thanks for writing it!
i definitely understand your pain. about 3 years ago, i had to abruptly end a relationship with a guy i was with for 4 years. i thought that we would be together forever and i even thought God told me that as well. but oh Was i Wrong! i knew he wanted me to end the relationship because i was growing more spiritually and it eventually became unequally yolked. but to me, it was like giving up a million bucks! but it was God's will and not mine and i'm a living testimony today that God has delivered me from him in less than a year! and the irony is we were on and off for about another year after that. but God's love will set you free depending on his will for your life! Trust him and know that "Better is the end of a thing then the beginning thereof; the patient in the spirit if better than the proud in the spirit." (Ecc. 7:8) Also, ask God for deeper understanding as to why this happened...he may need you to do more work for his Kingdom. remember...this life isn't about us. but Heaven is!
I'm kind of in a similar situation. I met him at church. We didn't really pay much attention to each other until we joined the same Sunday school class and started talking. Our personalities clicked. After slowly letting an acquaintance bloom and grow for about 5 months, he wanted to kick things up a notch. We put the matter in God's hands, and part of seeing what God's will was to see what my parents have to say on the matter. Since I was younger, I'd decided to make their approval the "fleece" (see Judges 6:36-40) I would use to see if someone could be God's will for me.
Well, they didn't say no, they didn't say yes. They said to wait. They wanted us to build a friendship, get acquainted without the emotional attachment of romance, at least until we're both done with school.
So now, we're waiting. Every day, it seems, I fight the battle to set my eyes on Christ and my desire for this man on the altar. One particularly trying day, I remember feeling sad and lonely, wondering why I can't have this one thing right now. It was as if God said to me, "Beloved, am I enough?"
Yes, Lord. More than enough.
I don't know how it's all going to turn out. And though some days I'm in a more argumentative mood, I'd rather not know. Anticipation, hope, and waiting (when done according to God's plan) only purify the end results and heighten the pleasure when the end results are received.
I'm missing the part as to why you to had to break up? I ended my past relationship, and am still healing from the hurt, because my ex and I couldn't resist temptation and I knew that as Christians we were both out of the will of God. Now he apparently has an interest and that kinda hurts when I think about it. I still love him and lately I hear what he's saying but can't tell that I still mean something to him. Or that our relationship meant something to him. So I am just waiting on God to do what it is he's going to do. Imma keep it moving and see what becomes of this all.
idolatry of our hearts runs deep.
About two years ago I began telling Him that I wanted the deepest intimacy with Him possible, and that I'd sacrifice anything to gain that - He is my all in all. About six months later He asked if that included my wife of then 15 wonderful years. I answered affirmatively. Another half year went by and He announced that He would be taking her from me. Part of me doubted the voice, but part of me knew. Six months later she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and five months later she escaped this world.
I'm still dealing with the grief of losing what feels like more than half my being. But I still mean what I said. He is my everything. I'm not connecting with Him like I did before. My best friend with whom we had the most wonderful small group experiences I've ever had has moved 5 hours away. But I still hope in my God. He will do it. Everything good that has been done in my life, including my wife, has been done by Him.
So on to the most oft received command I get from Him, "Wait."
No offense, but I think it's cheap of you to use God as an excuse to leave someone. I highly doubt you would have stayed with him if God hadn't been a factor, because he sounds like a terrible boyfriend.
In high school, one of my friends was dumped very publicly, and the reason was, "God told me to." Sorry, but that's absolute bullshit.
a couple of years ago i had one of my best friend's tell me that God told her to end our friendship. i'm not gonna lie, it sucked. but, i had other friends around me who were very supportive and i got through it. i'm not going to say that God did/or did not tell her to do this--that's not my job--but that's the reasoning that she gave. the friends who helped me through the tough time have gone on, but i realize that some things are just for a season. i hope you are at peace with your decision--if not, maybe you should pray about it some more to make sure you heard the right voice.
Yes, I am definitetly there right now. I was with my bf for almost 2 years and I loved him soo very much. This season hurts tremendously, but if this is what God is calling for me to do to trust Him and His plan, then I have no other choice or option! I love God soooo much. He sacrificed His only son for me! little ole' me? And I can't even give him the flesh of a man that I say I love so much? Ha! It hurts but I had to give it all to God knowing that He will supply my needs in this season and that I will be stronger afterwards. I can't even hold on to the memories that we had or live in the past...all I can do is to seek God's face daily and ask for Him to guide me, comfort me, and show me His face while preparing me for my husband to come, if its in His will.
Thanks for sharing this!!!
reminds me of a tapestry in my house
it says, 'if you love something, set it free, if it doesn't return, it was never ment to be. if it does, love it forever.'
best of luck to you, i hope things work out! :)
less than two weeks ago actually, the same thing happened. only i wouldnt really call it God calling us to break up, but it was of our own accord because of our Christian beliefs. See, my dad was never a big fan of us so i had to do a lot of sneaking around and lying... and that just wasn't working out. We were together for about a year and really good friend before that for a year and i understand just how heartbreaking it is to lose someone who you thought was everything. It doesnt really matter how long the relationship was, all that really matters is the quality of the relationship.
since we are humans we can only see the present... and right now that present is filled with pain, but i hope you can find comfort in the fact that God is everything, the past, present, and future. He knows what you're going through, but He also knows the future and the great things that He has planned for you. He would not ask this of you if He did not think that you had the ability to get through it as a better. The one verse that I live by is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
it gives me a lot of hope... so all the pain you feel now, just know that there is something better to come. It's going to be hard, but you'll get through it... as do I hope that I'll get through it.
Good luck!
After reading your story I realized that this sounded much some what like my life, except I was always boy crazy. I loved knowing that a guy had a crush on me, and once he was my boyfriend not alow him to even kiss me. I wanted to stay a vergin. I believed that one day God would send a man to me and that I would know it was him.
Though as I commanted ealier today, I eventually forgot about God, and what "he" had in store for me. So once my 9th boyfriend came around, I gave in. After my mother and step-dad forced me to move with them, and I did not see him for a long time I begain to find out that unlike I who felt guilty, and refused to date he had moved on entirally. During the time that I did not date I started to do devotions and ask for gods forgivness for what I had done.
Late last year I started dating one of my best male friends, he was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to, he was also a christian like me, unlike my preaviose Boyfriend. We found out things about eachother that made us believe that God had brought us togeather, and we grew closer and closer to eachother.
Two sundays ago we married eachother. The greatest thing about that day was that we felt as though god was smilling down on us; That day it was suposed to pore, but instead it was one of the most baeutiful days I have seen this summer.
Be patient God will show you his plan for you in time.