I've gone through that before, but for me it was no help. The lack of encouragement from those I attended church with only turned me further and further away -- hence why I no longer claim to be Christian, despite my belief in God and Christian morals. We all break them, yes, I've broken some myself. But it doesn't change that I believe in them.

When it comes to religious holidays, such as Christmas, I too always had a hard time celebrating them spiritually -- the rising proof that Jesus Christ was not born in December hardly aids this. I'm not here to stomp on anyone's beliefs. In fact, I see Christmas being celebrated as Christ's birthday much the same way we'll celebrate our birthdays in a different season just so we can have the sort of party we want. Like a winter baby wanting a pool party and having there birthday in summer. Christ teaches his followers to love, to treat others well, to show warmth to those around you. What better time than winter? When the weather is frigid, and you want nothing more than to cuddle up with your wife or husband or kids near the fire with a cup of hot cocoa and a cozy blanket?

Again, I'm not seeking to bash anyone's beliefs, if any may see that prior paragraph as wrong. In fact, renowned parapsychologist Dr. Hans Holzer, Ph.D. stopped celebrating Christmas when his research led him to establishing what some believe to be the real date of the birth of Christ. His book A Star in the East discusses this.

Personally, I have no qualms with celebrating his birthday on December 25th. :D

Thank You for your honesty... God would love to hear from you just like you opened your heart to people on here. I think too often our notion about God is way too impersonal.... Just tell Him exactly how you feel and ask Him to give you a deep hunger and desire for Himself. Read His Word even if its just a little at a time. He will answer the desires of your heart.

One point that is somewhat hinted to in many of these posts but not explicitly stated is to be aware that your spiritual life should NOT be only based on your feelings and emotions.  While emotions can help us to grow closer to Christ it should not be the only thing we rely on.  In addition to an eternal soul, God gives us a will and an intellect which sets us apart from the rest of creation.

Be aware of some of the ways the Devil will try to keep us from God and from the truth.  The Devil will stop at nothing to make us feel like we are alone or that our sins are too great when in reality both of those ideas are lies.  A few days ago I was reading Psalm 139 and one point said that no matter where you go, the Lord is there and He is always there with us.  Even thought we might not FEEL like He's not there, He is.

Moreover, the Devil will try to find ways to keep us away from the truth and the light by making us feel awkward or tired or lazy.  All the more reason to persevere.  "Stay sober and alert.  Your opponent the devil is prowling like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, solid in your faith. . ." (1 Peter 5:8-9)  For me, it tends to be harder when I don't have other people around me who can help keep me accountable.  Try to find some people who can help you grow in holiness and keep you accountable.  Push each other to grow in holiness.

Resist your feelings of awkwardness regarding some rituals and traditions you may do at your church.  This does NOT mean you should blindly accept and do everything your church does.  I felt the same way when I started learning about the faith but after researching why we do what we do, I no longer felt awkward doing some of the rituals and traditions.  The key thing is to use your intellect.  Investigate why you do the things you do, and perhaps some of the awkwardness will go away.  The Catholic faith, for example, has a LOT of traditions and rituals that may seem a bit awkward, but there's a reason and a history behind everything that they do.  The Church encourages people to learn about that history and to investigate the matters that make up the faith using their intellect, and it seems reasonable for any other Christian to do the same, too.

The more you pray, open your heart to the Lord, listen to how He directs you, and use your intellect to learn about your faith the more you will progress in your relationship with God.  Keep an open mind and an open heart and He will direct your paths.  Do not be afraid to follow the truth even if it means going against the grain.  A good friend of mine eventually was led to another branch of Christianity than her family, and while her family condemned her thinking she was damned to hell for converting, she remained true to Christ by loving her family and being patient with them.

Do not be intimidated by those who might attack your own faith or be quick to shun the faith of others.  Some faiths are so quick to condemn others and will not speak to people of other faiths.  But then how are they to fulfill their missions of evangelization and preaching a gospel of love that is Christ?  Listen to what other people have to say, learn what you can, discern using prayer and your mind.  Later down the line when you come to know the truth, if you must correct others, correct them with fraternal charity and love because it is through charity and love that we will bring each other closer to Christ.

Lastly and most importantly, do not let the sins of an individual speak for the entire group of faith.  Some people fall away from churches because of scandals with a pastor or priest.  They expect the leaders to be perfect when none of us really are, except Jesus.  Even His apostles were imperfect.  Peter, the leader of the Apostles, denied Jesus three times.  Thomas doubted Jesus' resurrection.  Paul had to chastise Peter on numerous occasions in scripture.  While these men failed in many actions, Jesus trusted these men to keep His teachings and gave them authority to pass the teachings on perfectly, aided by the Holy Spirit.

At least you desire to be closer.

By the way...Christmas is about Gifts. It sure aint about Jesus because it isnt his birthday. HAHA

Its all about LOVE. If it aint love. Show them the middle finger

keep it up bro;)