Friday, 27 June 2008

• What Differentiates a Boy From a Man?

  by mr. pine

  Quiz: What organism comes to my house, eats all my food, leaves a mess, begs me to take it on outings, thinks I have a bottomless wallet, asks me for tutoring and sometimes doesn't show up, can't sit still for longer than 32 seconds at a time, and expects me to take it to McDonald's every Sunday instead of having class?

  Something evil, right?  You'd think so.  It's the 24 boys (not just "men," yet) in my Sunday School class.  I've seen them grow from bratty freshmen to just-on-the-cusp-of-something-great seniors, and this is my last year with them.  I've tried very hard to shape them into true men of God, but there are times when I feel that my influence only scratched the surface... and there are times when I feel that I have completely failed them.  My vision is that they do something great and God-honoring with their lives.  If they grow to be wishy-washy, self-seeking, spoiled whiners, I'll know that I've completely wasted my time and theirs.

  So, guys, do you know what it will take for me to see you as real men?  Glad you asked.

  Becoming leaders - Some may think leadership is about telling people what to do.  It is not.  True leadership is doing the right thing and having people follow your example. In order for this to happen you must have courage and integrity... courage to do what is necessary despite risk of ridicule or rejection... and integrity to show that your convictions are rooted deeply enough for people to anchor themselves onto.  Courage is the willingness to face the hail of arrows.  Integrity is the fortitude to keep fighting when one of those arrows inevitably wounds you.

  Becoming followers - The truly great leaders know when they must also follow.  Those under your leadership will only follow you as well as you can follow someone else.  In our case, as Christians, it is in how we follow Christ that marks our manhood.  If you can not follow, you will never lead.

  Not playing with a woman's heart - If you have the love of a woman, you are handling a very delicate thing.  The longing of most women is to be cherished deeply.  Being a man means not using this to manipulate her emotions to your advantage.  I hate how the notion of being a "player" is admired these days.  It is celebrating "men" who, at their core, are incredibly insecure because their only source of self-worth is from how many women they are able to get.  A real man sees the game and chooses not to play just for his ego.

  Not being played by a woman - I know a guy who was completely played by a girl.  She was playing with his emotions just because she could... or should I say, he let her.  She bragged to her friends about how she had him wrapped around her little finger.  I told him to man-up and kick her to the curb.  He did for a while, which only made her want to get him more... and now they're dating.  Yeah, I don't see this ending up good.  But, guys, what picture do you get here in this situation?  Do you see a self-respecting man or an approval-seeking boy?  I know it's not easy.  A pretty face can disarm the strongest of us.  But being a man means respecting yourself enough to care about the character of the woman you want to be with.

  Taking responsibility for your actions - In this day and age when everyone tries to blame someone else for things that are wrong in their lives, being someone who gives no excuses can be a challenge.  It may mean that you look bad, at least for a while, in others' eyes.  Being a man of your word may mean personal difficulty, but being known as a man of integrity is priceless.  It means that you are someone who will take a stand on something and not compromise.  It is a weak man who, in trying to make himself look as good as possible, makes others look bad.

  Accepting accountability for others' actions - An extension of the above is that you are not only strong enough to accept responsibility for your own actions, but at some point in time you will have those in your circle who you will be accountable for.  What does this mean?  It means that you so influence other people by your character that if they look bad, it reflects on your character.  For example, years ago when Pastor Tony said that the guys in my class were the ones responsible for disrupting service, I took it as a personal failure.  I was ashamed that those that I had influence over would be so disrespectful.  During that time, I was able to tell the men from the boys very easily.  The boys were the ones who shifted the blame to others who were more disruptive than they were.  The men were the ones who, whether or not they were the culprits, felt bad and vowed to influence others to shape up.

  So when will you know you've arrived?  You won't.  It's not marked by passing a certain age or stage in life.  I know plenty of 16 year-old "men" and just as many 36 year-old "boys."  You can spot the 16 year-old "men" by how high he holds his head because of a self-awareness and confidence.  You can spot the 36 year-old "boys" from a similar posture, except it's due to a cockiness and arrogance.  Sad.

  Guys, we have a year left.  Will you man-up and step forward to be counted among those to whom good character means something?
  

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