Wednesday, 25 June 2008
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Breaking up with God?
I received a message the other day from a revelifer that is going through a difficult situation. With her permission I posted the message below so that other revelifers that have gone through something similiar can encourage her.
I've been a Christian since I was three...well that's when I first gave my life to christ. I grew up in a Christian family. My parents are missionaries. I've always had my ups and downs, going through a big move in high school, being a rebelious teen, learning to deal with difficult situations at college but through all of these I have always leaned on God. I never was angry at him or stopped believing. But this past month I have been struggling.
My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me out of the blue. I am hurt and confused. I thought God had put him in my life for a reason. I don't just "date" to have someone there. I truly believed God wanted me to be with him. This may sound dumb and all since I'm only 22. But I was just at the point in my relationship with this guy where all I was waiting for was for him to ask me to marry him. And instead he broke everything off.
Since the break up I have tried to call out to God for help...but He doesn't seem to answer. I've tried meditating on His word....but it just doesn't seem to heal my wounds. I have heard it all before....it takes time....give your hurt to God....He will never leave you. I know all of this is true...but I think I'm angry at him and it scares me because I have never been before.
I still believe in Him but it's hard because I don't see why I should anymore. I honestly don't even know why I am writing this to you. I don't know who you guys are or anything....but I just thought maybe you can pray for me. I'm kinda in the dumps now. I am still a happy person and I've gone on with life but deep down inside I know I'm not okay because it still hurts...
I think the majority of us have been in a situation like this before and can understand what she's going through. Can anyone share their experience with a breakup and how a broken relationship influenced their relationship with God?
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Comments (39)
I was so sure my ex was the one who I was going to marry, and I really thought that God put him in my life.
Even though I ended the relationship of 3.5 years, it was still a painful experience. I had to end the relationship because God said he wasn't the one. I had to trust God enough to let it go. I even went into this whole partying/drinking thing for awhile. I had to let go of this idea of a secure future in a marriage. I also had to let go of the security of having someone there all the time. At the age of 27, I came face to face to a future that I had no idea what's going to happen other than, I only have God to take care me.
When I finally decided to let go of this one final piece of old me, the fear of being alone, I finally started walking with God. I started to learn things about Him while reading His Word. If it wasn't enough, He brought a godly man to lead me into a deeper relationship with Him. I would've never dated this guy if I never put God first... simply because we would have 2 different goals. If it was the old me, I would've stuck to the worldly standards of a husband (ie. my ex - a secure future, a steady and well paying job, meet my parents' standards) and this godly man has nothing of the worldly standards but has the desire to search God's heart.
How incredible is that? Like all the other ladies who went through broken hearts but completely trusted in God, God has the best for you. You just have to trust Him.
I can't say that I understand how you feel, as I've never been in a serious relationship and I've never been truly angry with God. But this does remind me of the message that I heard this past Sunday - how to find God's hand in your life. We were covering the story of Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his own brothers. From the Bible, we know he went through many hardships that we might not even be able to imagine for ourselves today.
I think a lot of us, we turn our backs on God when things aren't good - by *our* standards. Like my pastor said, God's plan preceeds any and every other plan out there. You might have been waiting for that proposal, but God saw it differently. It hurts now, and I can understand that. But I'm positive that God has something better planned. We can only see what's happening now, but He sees what's going to happen down the road. I'm sure he's preparing you for that time.
God is not answering prayers, because there are no gods.
It sounds like your friend is finally beginning to realize that God is merely a dellusional fantasy created and perpetuated by an inability to establish genuine and meaningful relationships with real people. Good for her!
I broke up with a person I thought I was going to marry- it was horrible and did a lot of crying.
But after the storm had past (and it does pass in time) I began to wonder if maybe I didn't know myself or God as much as I thought I had.Nothing like loosing your faith along with a boy friend!
Then I had a friend of mine tell me that maybe God was trying to spare me from this person hurting me worse later on.The my friend gave me the strangest idea I had ever heard of-. She told me to pray and ask God to bring a man into my life- one that He wanted me to be with and that when this person showed up- I asked God to let me know beyond any doubt that this was the one He had for me.
Come to find out- the next man I dated, had just been through the same kind of thing I had- we promised each other we would only be friends because of all the pain we had felt.
Well, that friendship has lasted over 28 yrs and we are married with three Great kids!
I hope you will pray and ask the Lord the same thing- He will bless when we trust- even more when we trust when it is hard!
I would encourage you to be completely honest with God like Job and David. Tell him you are frustrated and confused. Find a private place and yell for his help (literally if need be) but don't fear an emotion. Rather, use it and your honesty to display the intimacy between you and your God.
Endurance is taking one more step. God will propel you through this difficulty. God bless,
Mike
during freshman year of high school i dated this guy. he was the first christian i had ever dated. he broke things off yet still wanted to be with me for a good 6 years after. whenever he had the opportunity to date other girls he would make sure the door was still closed with me by asking me out again. for 6 years i said no.
he was in town for christmas break this past december and we hung out pretty much the entire time. he had asked me out again and i told him that i needed some time. after much thought and prayer i decided that i would date him. after all, we had been great friends for over 7 years and he wanted the same things out of life that i did - ministry, family, just things of the lord and whatnot. after a few months of long distance dating with him visiting me every other weekend i knew we were destined to be together. he had stolen my heart but in the best way possible. i was ready to go foward aka move across the state in order to remove the distance and make the situation a lot better.
the start to our best weekend was a fairly intense one. he broke it to me that his ex girlfriend had a miscarriage. i knew that he had sexual problems in the past and it had gotten pregnant before we started dating. i forgave him because he hadnt cheated on me and if this was the biggest problem we had then things would be fine. the rest of the weekend was amazing and i was falling for him even more.
a week later he got a call from his ex girlfriend and texted me during class telling me that she was still pregnant. she was going to have twins and one miscarried.
ohhh man. i was so bitter. toward her especially. and then toward him. and then toward god. we had a future together. we had shared so much. i had so much invested in him. what in the world was i going to do?
i drank. a lot. i just got over the situation. its very painful feeling like something was stolen from you. but theres a reason for everything. the lord gives and takes away. and only he can do so. if this break up was influenced by satan, claim it and whatever was taken will be replaced seven-fold.
use the bible and its exhortations to get your joy and your promises back.
and dont bank your life on plans you make. anything can happen. this is just a pebble. keep moving forward.
i'm actually there now... and quite frankly...
for me... i'm thoroughly convince beyond any shadow of a doubt... God revealed to me the girl i'm to spend the rest of my life with is the one i'm praying God will bring back to me as He draws her to Himself, which is what He needs to do in essence. This was my first "girlfriend" and I so am in the notion that I want to marry this girl....
i mean... i am so convinced this girl i completely love is the one...
now mind you folks, i didn't fall in love with this girl... i chose to love this girl, like jump in with both feet into it with as much commitment to her as God requires a guy to commit to... i was willing and for whatever reason... she didn't feel a peace about us dating now... she exclaimed that she had this sick, compressed, heaviness in her heart, like a pain, or a stressful pressure and translated that as a lack of peace and that being the clarity we both were praying for as far as clarity is concerned....
but it doesn't negate the fact that i'm still hurting... it hurts...
i so know what you went through... and there's nothing i can say but i'm prayin for you...
Thank you for posting this. It makes me feel not so alone. Since January I had a friend of 14 years betray me and our friendship ended, my father died and my husband was recently hospitalized for depression and anxiety.
I had a mentor tell me once that the only enduring motive for prayer is that He is worthy to be sought...
This has been a great comfort to me during the times where I haven't felt like praying...or worshiping God.
Try to seek God merely because He is worthy--not to have Him relieve your hurt or pain...you'll be surprised at the peace it will bring....and even if it doesn't, He is STILL worthy to be sought.
Two years ago I was on fire for God. Doing the whole God walk thing. Life was going great and I was flying high on eagles wing.
Fell in love with one of our church members and we were in a very close relationship. Things were going great it seemed we were destined for each other, but for some reason she wanted some divine permission for us to go onto another level. Unfortunately that never came and she went onto a one year mission to Japan. She left the relationship to pursue missions and I was left incredibly hurt she left my out to dry.
I would go to Thailand later to do missions and fell in love with one of the native girls. We were both crazy for each other, but my team rebuked me and put God's wrath on me for it. Of course being in Love I didnt care what others thought, but I would have to return home. Distance would put out the fire.
Love hurts when it goes incomplete and I was pissed at God that he would hold these women from me because I believed at the time he controls everything. Of course he does. But just going through so much hurt in those relationships and God not providing a way for the romance to happen. I had alot of suppressed energy in my heart.
Well I went Britney Spears haywire and exploded one day from my failures in love and life, in fact went to the looney bin for 2 weeks. Still recovering, but God revealed something in his manuscripts to me that gave me great comfort in my pain. He revealed that Adam also failed in the Garden of Eden and took a hard fall. In the Genealogy of Adam it reveals that for 235 years man did not call out on the name of the Lord, but in that 235th year. God gave Seth which means granted and man began to call on the name of Lord. It showed me that although I am in devastation God will bring me back into hope. From Darkness into Light. That life is about Renaissance, Revival, and Redemption.
Although I am officially on a divorce or break from church or God. I know that God will heal me and bless me incredibly with the most beautiful Korean girl in my eyes.
Funny thing is after these tragedies. I want the one in my life of course, but now I just dont care as much as I once did.
I am now equally interested and even more interested about finding out about God, his truths in scriptures, the mysteries, and also my passion in life.
I think Paul once said it is better not to be married. Totally makes sense now because if your with the love of your life, all your thinking is her or him.
Now I think about how to better humanity, my passions, interests, God, everything.
Still dont go to church, but I love God.
as of late i feel discarded by God.
For me... I don't ask God for much... i just let God be God and I just follow... but as of late... I feel like the one request I am asking God at the same time telling God I would fulfill a vow I made to Him concerning my request and it seems like I'm not given the chance....
sigh... but at the same time... I know God is God... and I HAVE to believe He's good... reconciling pain and peace is hard especially when you're in the thick of things...