Wednesday, 25 June 2008
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God's purpose for Christian Men: a High Bar
I was reading le_meme_chose's post about God's Purpose for Christian Women and began to think about God's purpose for Christian Men. First of all - I always found the word 'feminist' to be a funny word cause of male alternative - 'masculinist.' Masculinist just sounds like a type of magician and ventroliquist mashed together. Any event - I've heard a bunch of parochial statements from my jovial Christian brothers saying that men should be the head of the household, that all final decisions are for the man, and the remote control (symbol of all control in the household) is forever attached to the man's hand. But after I got married - this is far from the truth. Let's back up a little here and check out the Bible (which i affectionately think really stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth).
The ever so famous verse that comes to mind says this: "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave him himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with the water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkles or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
I have to say I've read this countless times and just nodded my head and moved on - but brothers, really read this. I mean carefully. Check out how high the standards are! Love your wife as much as Christ loved the church.... uh...could the bar be any higher? It's like how I would bring a test with an A home and my Asian parents would ask "Why not A+?" And let's not forget the giving yourself up, making her holy (I have trouble making myself remotely holy!), cleansing her with the Word, etc etc etc.
And this is where I am - once I got married I realized the burden is on me - that my decision to marry my beautiful wife is also a calling to uphold her to the highest, to respect her, to love her fully. In ways, I began to realize that I'm called to be her servant - to be the Jesus that got down on his knees to wash his disciples' feet. So in ways - some of my brothers were right. We are called to be leaders of our household, but not in the way we would normally think - but how Jesus lead. Through complete giving, sacrifice, and pure love. *Sigh* - still a long ways to go, but working at it.
I think one of the best ways to put it was when Spider-Man's aunt said 'a man has to be understanding and put his wife before himself.' Thanks Aunt May.
What do you think it means for man to be the leader of the household?
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Comments (29)
i agree! and thanks for the name mention! makes me feel all fluffy and nice inside.
i think my pastor put it best when he said those verses (speaking to husbands and wives), are instructions for the self, but not something that you put on others. So wives can't look at their husbands and say, "THIS is what you're supposed to do.. the bible says so". And the husbands can't point to that verse and tell their wives, "submit to ME!" It's something that the individual looks at, and with the Spirit working in us, we strive to be (by God's strength and not our own). It's unhelpful to just point out what the other needs to do, or what they're doing wrong. We can only work on ourselves and try to change ourselves. :)
Yo, thanks for subscribing! What prompted you to do so, I'm curious?
Nice article, by the way. My pastor has talked about those verses as well as the roles of wives and husbands quite a few times. Since I'm at least five years from getting married, I don't pay as much attention to those sermons as the ones that are more applicable to my life, but it's a good challenge to always remember, especially when I am married.
- Lifrasthir -
I have been at odds with my husband regarding religion for many years and my daughters pre-school teacher recommended a book: The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. She recommends praying about being a good wife, then pay for your husband to have a wonderful relationship with God. There are very good prayers that you can use or change to suit your needs. For months I struggled with the prospect of no longer nagging and arguing but just praying and having faith. I didn't pray in front of my husband (I pray very privately and never really prayed in front of anyone) or make a point to show him the book but I didn't hide it either. My husband sat up and took notice. He told me that if it was so important that I would bother God with it every night than the least he could do was think about it. We now pray as a family over meals and other things, have a church that we go to whenever we can get extra gas and read stories out of our bible every night. I prayed for my husband starting in Feb. 2007 and we were baptized as a family in Oct. 2007. The teacher that originally loaned me the book had been praying for her husband for almost 10 yrs. without seeing much results but soon after I gave her the book back (I had bought my own copy) he broke down and cried saying he needed God in his life, he was baptized that very Sunday! BUT you cannot change your spouse you can only set a great example that they will wish to emulate and see that having a relationship with God can only help your marriage and help in being a wonderful father. Took me a while not to nag but to just "Shut up and Pray!"
Great thoughts.
I don't think any of us can fulfill our gender roles without a strong relationship with God. I believe that when we grow closer to Him, we naturally fulfill the positions that He made us for.I find that as a woman I am not gentle and feminine on my own, but when I experience the love of God, He changes me. In the same way, I believe that the key to a man becoming a servant leader is for him to develop his walk with God. There is no way a man can love like Christ except through Christ's life in him, and he's not supposed to do it on his own. He will always fail in his own strength.
great post!
heh, now i kind of DO feel bad for the guys =P it's no wonder why sometimes guys refer to marriage as prison x]
What does the Bible say about fathers?...
Proverbs 22:6-11 reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and
when he is old, he will not depart from it." To train, indicates the
first instruction that a parent gives to a child; which is his early
education. Ephesians 6:4 is a summary of instruction to parents,
represented by the father, in a negative and positive way. "And now a
word to you fathers, don't make your children angry by the way you
treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction
approved by the Lord." This is what the Bible says about a fathers
responsibility in raising their children. The negative side of this
verse indicates that a father is not to foster the bad passions of
their children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable
exercise of authority. Bad conduct towards a child will only serve to
nurture evil in their heart. The positive side is to educate them,
bring them up and develop their conduct in all of life by the
instruction and admonition of the Lord.
---Wanda L. Ball
Wanda is a wife and mother and has been writing about God,
children, and spirituality for over 20 years. She believes and teaches that regardless of a person's
background or their mistakes of the past, God has a place for them.
Well, it's not "who" will lead the journey!, but...
It's HOW you lead, that counts
God bless
Wow! That's a great post! Very true too. I think more than anything a man should be the spiritual leader in the house. As a single lady who naturally loves flowers and compliments when in a relationship, nothing, NOTHING warms my heart more than for the guy I'm with to pray with me or for us to study the bible together. That'll do the trick everytime.
It's definitely something I look for in a guy when seriously considering him for a relationship.
"The Buck Stops Here"
Yes, a marriage and a family is a team effort, but every team has a team captain, every coaching staff has a head coach, every corporation and nation has a person that is considered the leader. So must the man bethe leader of the family: that is the best way because it is God's way...
Great post!!!!!
You are correct, we are to love our wives. -As Christ loves the Chruch. And it is a very high bar. Nonetheless, you can be a sacrificial and loving as you want to, and it still won't work, if your wife is quietly trying to undermine you and usurp your authority.
Many 'Christian' women today use verses like that in order to try to justify themselves for not submitting to men, and in fact for already having made up their minds that they will not EVER truly do so. Regardless of what the Bible says...or how many times it says it, (or the reasons it cites) or how important and vital it is for a successful, thriving and lasting marriage relationship, or for the children as well.
But because our society which is a part of the World, says that women submitting to men is a bad thing, American Christians have just gone with the flow. Regardless of the (apparnelty little known) fact that in any relationship one person is going to be or become the leader. And for a man to be submissive is unhealthy, perverse, and causes only damage and strife in the long run, and also damages the children as well.
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." -Ephesians 5:22 & 23.
Yeah, the bible is entirely correct with that. I've never been married, but I'm always with girls. Thing is, when there's lust in our hearts, it's hard to perform in a loving manner. Colin Smith said at unlockingthebible.org, Lust Kills Love.
Amen
Wonderful thoughts!
Your second to last paragraph about being called to be her servant reminded me of the message our youth pastor gave a couple weeks ago... " To be great is to serve." It was a really good message and proved so truthful.
I liked the post. It makes it feel safer to think about submitting to someone when you know they have your interests at heart.
I have trouble reconciling my belief that I am just as intelligent, level-headed and committed to God as a man with my belief that I should do what the Bible tells me when it comes to marriage someday and should submit my will without question. Also, in some partnerships it seems that it is the woman who is in charge. For a marriage to work, I agree that there needs to be a leader, but I am not so sure that it is perverse or unhealthy for the man to be submissive, especially since gender roles are starting to become less involved in personal identity. If a man and woman felt it would work best for her to lead, could that work? I think the situation genuinely does come up sometimes where it is not that a woman is a feminist rebelling against her husband's authority, but a relationship where both partners simply prefer the roles not traditionally given them. I don't know, I could easily be wrong. I'm just trying to figure it out. :)i'd like to disagree here.
let me first say that i agree with the spirit of this post. i too think that men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. certainly, men are never to be the "tyrannical despot," NOR the "benevolent dictator." but, there's no reason why women cannot also love their husbands as Christ loved the church. why can't women be the leader of their household, whether it be materially, spiritually, psychologically, video-game-ologically, or whatever? there is nothing that they lack that would disqualify them as leaders in any social unit. and, there is nothing that men have that privileges them over women.
feminism is the liberation movement of women who have come to the realization that the false notion of "woman" as inherently lacking and in need of a male for existential fulfillment, along with the oppressive social structures men have employed, must be destroyed. therefore, i think the teachings of Jesus support feminism, insofar as Jesus lived and died for the freedom of all people from the sinful limits of the human condition. (which includes cultural/societal/institutional sexism) and, yes. that would mean i think that some biblical teachings are sexist, as well as discriminatory against other dis-empowered group of people.
men are people, and Christians men must realize that they are truly different from, but equal to, women. men are not superior, NOR are they naturally leaders. men are as weak and need to be led by women as much as women need men. any belief to the contrary would be a grave denial of how all people were created in God's same image.
praise God.
That's so true of typical traditional asian parents... "Only A? Why not A+?" I know it's a side comment, but in my chinese church, I find many of the youths face similar problems. Of course parents should encourage their kids to do well in their studies, but not until it's "kiasu" (fear of losing face) like that. Fortunately, my parents aren't like that.
I think to what my dad said before I got married:
A lot of people come into marriage with the 50/50 proposition. That should not be the case. Each person in the marriage needs to give 100%, 100% of the time. To do any less is the recipe for a very unpleasant marriage.
That being said, and based on what you posted, a high bar is what is needed, for both sides of the marriage relationship. Speaking specifically to men, as long as we are continually striving to love our wives as Christ loved the church, that speaks volumes. As stated in Colossians 3:23 (ESV) "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." If we are with all our might endeavouring to meet the Lord's standard, we will always exceed the human standard.
@thirtytrillion@xanga - i agree. We are made for each other, not to dominate each other.
Thanks. Well put, without being drawn out! Not just emotive macho reasoning (as you get in some Christian guy-ish posts...), but thoroughly biblical.
I wish more men understood the biblical model of servant-leadership, rather than the worldly 'worthier than thou' leadership with which it so often gets confused. :P
There shouldn't be a leader. Both parties are entirely equal.
@thirtytrillion@xanga - "but, there's no reason why women cannot also love their husbands as Christ loved the church. why can't women be the leader of their household, whether it be materially, spiritually, psychologically, video-game-ologically, or whatever?"
-Question? Because God, not man repeatedly says so. And with good reasons, some given in Scripture, some not, (see my post titled: S.I.C.).
"there is nothing that they lack that would disqualify them as leaders in any social unit.
Actually, that is not true. Men are intrinsicaly better leaders. However, for generations now, men have been raised by strong-willed women who have refused to submit to men out of their own rebellious hearts and selfish desires for power.
"and, there is nothing that men have that privileges them over women"
-Just the innate qualites of a leader, more practical, seing the bigger picture as opposed to being detail oriented, and normally being physically stronger and being more adept at making fast decisions in a crisis. Although it is true that women are doing their best to compete and train themselves to do the same thing; including taking excercise and weight-training classes.
"feminism is the liberation movement of women who have come to the realization that the false notion of "woman" as inherently lacking and in need of a male for existential fulfillment,"
That is a fine ideological notion. However, in reality women need men, just as men need women. Although in our current technology-based society, it is true women can survive without a man, and vice versa.
"along with the oppressive social structures men have employed, must be destroyed."
Wow. That's quite a statement. Very militaristic. Must be destroyed, eh? What does that mean, specifically?
"therefore,"
"i think the teachings of Jesus support feminism, insofar as Jesus lived and died for the freedom of all people from the sinful limits of the human condition."
Actually Jesus died to save people from sin, not to take them out of the world, or even to change the world per se. One of the Jewish people's biggest beefs with Jesus, was that He refused to be a military leader, and set them free from Roman rule.
"(which includes cultural/societal/institutional sexism) and, yes. that would mean i think that some biblical teachings are sexist, as well as discriminatory against other dis-empowered group of people."
Well I believe it is the inspired Word of God, and that the commands regarding order in marriage and in the home are there from God (as was clearly stated by the Apostles Paul and Peter*) and that your notions of what is sexist are worldly, based on selfish desire, incorrect and flawed.
*-See:
- 1 Corinthians 11:3-8, - 1 Corinthians 14:33-38, - Ephesians 5:22-33, - Colossians 3:18-21, - 1 Timothy 2:11-15, and - 1 Peter 1-7.
I have no idea. Glad I am not married....oh...you know, I once asked God about this and he told me something interesting...gave me some scripture too...let me see if I can find it......Ok, so this is what I felt like God told me about husbands. Â Micah 5 from the Message:Â
He will stand tall in his shepherd-rule by God's strength,   centered in the majesty of God-Revealed.And the people will have a good and safe home,   for the whole world will hold him in respect—   Peacemaker of the world!And if some bullying Assyrian shows up,   invades and violates our land, don't worry.We'll put him in his place, send him packing,   and watch his every move.Shepherd-rule will extend as far as needed,   to Assyria and all other Nimrod-bullies.Our shepherd-ruler will save us from old or new enemies,   from anyone who invades or violates our land.
I feel like God told me that houses are a good model for men and women's roles in marriage.  Men are usually contractors, women usually more into the decorating and homey stuff....though of course this is not 100% accurate, but for the purpose of this, I think it is a fairly reasonable stereotype.  I felt like men are supposed to create the structure of the relationship, provide the safety and protection and boundaries so that the wife has a place to freely express herself without fear.  And what the woman expresses usually benefits the whole family, creating beauty and a sense of peace and goodness.  When men look out for the good of their wives, not dominating or using, but providing for them, the men are usually benefited as what they give comes back to them.  Women are usually more responsive than men, men are usually better initiators.  I dunno what you think about that, but I think it sounds nice.
Great post. And I agree with an above poster for saying that it is much easier to submit when you know that the head of the household has your best interests at heart. My husband ALWAYS consults me on decisions, though, and that's the way it should be. Women still have brains, feelings, and desires. My husband wanted to move. Did he just pack us up and move us without ever asking me? No, we talked about it together, and I think God intended us to have good communication and exchanges of ideas.
@Koolou@xanga - "-Just the innate qualites of a leader, more practical, seing the bigger picture as opposed to being detail oriented, and normally being physically stronger and being more adept at making fast decisions in a crisis."
This comment is a compelte generalziation of men and women. I have known women who are excellent leaders and were capable of making excellent decisions (let us not forget the Judge Deborah!) I have known men who are completey incapable of seeing any picture, whether it be big or small. And I know plenty of army gals who could whip any man's butt. I have also known men who are so passive they are content to make no decisions, let alone fast ones in a crisis. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being detail-oriented. Details can be just as, if not more, important than the big picture. You have to understand that no one label can apply to everyone.
And who even says that these "masculine traits" are supirior to "feminine traits"? As far as I'm concerned, a motherly, sensitive, nurturing spirit is much more helpful than a "head-hancho macho-man" spirit. Which would you prefer to have as your support in a time of emotional, spiritual, or even physical difficultuy?