Tuesday, 24 June 2008
I recently went to rehab for alcohol. While I really started drinking and partying at the age of 18, when I turned 21, I remember thinking "Great, now I can buy it myself and drink whenever I want", so I did. It started out slowly; at the time I was working in the jail, so I always had the excuse to go home and "wind down" with a couple of beers or glasses of wine. At the time I didn't realize that alcohol was becoming a part of my daily routine. I would go out to the bar with friends occasionally, but that could get expensive, so I mainly found myself drinking at home. As time went on, it shifted from recreational to addictive. I made any excuse to drink - if I was happy and had reason to celebrate, holidays, if I was sad, had a bad day at work, whatever the occasion. The excuses paved the way for me to keep those trying to speak truth into my life off of my back, mainly my husband, Jared.
It all came to a head on May 1, 2008. I finally called a Christian counselor and set up an appointment so I could start dealing with the addiction because my life was spinning out of control. The alcohol was ruining my relationship with my husband, I was pushing away my friends and family, and I woke up feeling terrible every day. I got off work early that day, and stopped to get gas. I hadn't drank in a couple of days, as one of my many feeble attempts at trying to quit on my own. I decided that this was a good time to drink again, seeing as how that Saturday I knew I was going to have to leave it all behind, so why not get hammered until then? When my husband found out about my purchase he wasn't happy, but there wasn't much he could do since he was still at work. By the time he got home I had finished off the beer I had already bought, I was feeling pretty good, and decided it was time to go get more.
We got into a huge fight, and now in retrospect, I see that he wanted the best for me and was trying to reach out (once again). This wasn't the first time this had happened though, there were countless times I would get wasted and we would argue because he saw what it did to me, but of course I was living in denial. Jared ended up calling my mom to come over (this too had happened before) because he was at his wits end. My mom and stepdad came over and tried to reason with me. My mom ended getting on the phone with our insurance company to see what our options were, because I was out of control. That night I ended up checking into a local hospital, who helped psychiatric patients (which was weird), but also served as a place for those coming off drugs and alcohol until they could transfer to another in-patient facility.
On May 4th my mom and stepdad took me to Valley Hope, a rehabilitation center for drugs and alcohol. I was really nervous, wondering if I was going to like it and fit in, I mean come on, a 23 year-old in rehab? My fears were put to rest though when I was greeted with hugs and people who were in the same place as me and understood my problem. There were people there from 18 all the way up into their 70s, from the person that was on every drug that I know of to the alcoholic, like me. I spent about 10 days at Valley Hope before our insurance said they weren't going to cover in-patient care anymore. At this point I made the decision to go home. I was enjoying myself, but at the same time missed Jared terribly. I did gain, however, the tools I needed to get sober and stay sober. I had the first 3 of the 12 steps down, I had:
1) Admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life had become unmanageable,
2) Came to believe that God was the only one who could restore me to sanity,
3) Submitted my life and my will over to the control and care of God
Let me tell you, my life changed dramatically within a couple weeks. All the recognition and glory go to God. That is what I want this to be about, not that I went to "rehab", but that I was given my life back and God's spirit is alive in me again. It was His absence in my life that got me and kept me in my addiction. I am going on 51 days of sobriety now, and have not felt this good or happy in a long time. I'm so glad that God got my attention when He did, because I was going down a path of destruction and leaving all those important in my life in my wake. I am very thankful for my amazing husband, and family. Jared has stuck by me and been a rock for me, as well as my mom. I owe them all the thanks and gratitude in the world, for the part that they have played in God's plan. My hope is to continue to grow in my relationship with Christ and be the wife, daughter, and friend that I am called to be.