Tuesday, 24 June 2008

• Reader Stories #7: How God Freed Me From Guilt

  brandon32490 commented with his story on the How I Lost My Faith post and we thought it was a great testimony.

  When I was eight, my parents divorced and I started living with my mother. Being young, I didn't really understand a lot about life. My mother did everything in her power to make sure that my sister and I were living the life that she never had. She threw herself out to her kids because she loved them and wanted them to be happy. Most of the clothes she wore were old because she would rather spend money on our clothes than on hers. Every night, she'd cook us a good meal, but she wouldn't eat it. Instead, she'd eat the food that she bought herself (cheap beans, etc). Instead of buying an apartment or a home that she could afford, she bought a two-story house so us kids could have a lot of space. Until now, I never really understood why she tutored so many people. She's a high school teacher. She bought things she couldn't afford, all because she wanted to make us happy.

  On one night, when I was 13 years old, my mother and I had an argument. She was drunk, and she expressed more anger than usual. I did something that I never should have done. I called the police.

  My mother was arrested because I told the cops that she was being abusive. The only reason she was taken to jail was that she was drunk and wasn't exactly cooperating with the cops. I regretted the whole thing when I saw her in handcuffs. Sadly, it was too late for me to do anything so I just had to go with the flow.

  Several weeks later, I was kicked out of the house. I moved in with my dad with major depression. I contemplated and attempted suicide without following through eight times.

  I felt like I didn't have much support. I felt like I didn't deserve to live because I treated my mom so badly that night. Every night, I would cry and think about my mother. At night, I'd even pray to God and ask Him to kill me.

  I didn't really believe in God at the time because I didn't really need Him. Eventually, I realized that I couldn't go on without Him. I prayed that He would make things better, give me strength, and help me move on. Sure enough, on one morning, I woke up completely changed. I didn't think about suicide, I didn't think about how I treated my mom...I felt alive. For a couple of minutes, I sat in bed and cried because I thought I'd never see the end
  of the tunnel. I'll never stop thinking about my mom, and things will never be the same in the family, but I'm 18 now and my eyes have opened.

  I don't read the Bible, and I don't go to church, but God helped me regain my balance. He's helped my faith by my just believing in Him.

  • 11:23 AM
  • 513 Views
  • 26 eProps
  • 13 Comments