Thursday, 19 June 2008
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Question of the Day: Vacationing alone w/your boyfriend or girlfriend?
I'm on the conservative side when it comes to relationships. I set pretty strict boundaries for myself, but I'm aware that most people aren't as conservative as me. Recently, I learned that someone I knew went on an overnight trip with their significant other. When I heard that I was a bit shocked. As Christians, I think we should be more careful than others when it comes to sexual temptations. Sure, it's nice to go on a vacation, but why alone where your guard is down and anything can happen? I know I shouldn't assume the worst and I want to give the benefit of the doubt, but I've seen way too many quickie marriages and oopsies to be so naive. God tells us not to judge, so this question isn't about judgment. I'm just concerned for dating couples who put themselves in tempting situations.
So, what do you think about going on overnight trips with your bf/gf alone?
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Comments (60)
I have vacationed with a bf before. Nothing happened, because I wasn't tempted. I wasn't tempted because I believe in what God says. As long as you know your restrictions, I don't think the temptations is there, so there's nothing wrong with taking a vacation. It's a great opportunity to get to know one another even better.
Well, God told us to runaway when we get tempted. Why put ourselves in position to be tempted in the first place?
My opinion: Absolutely not! It's not even a thought in my mind. You save that stuff for marriage. A group vacation--I might think about--there's ton more accountability in that.
maybe this is too negative on my part, but i just assume most couples are having sex anyway, even if they are christians.
if indeed they're not sleeping together, but going on vacation alone, well.. i guess it's possible to avoid the tempation, but probably better to be safe than sorry. find another couple to vacation with, stick to day trips, or.. get married and go on a honeymoon and plan lots of vacations for the rest of your life. :P
overnights can be ok, but alone? hm. no. you may have boundries and good intentions, but those fly out the window when you have no accountability & plenty of opportunity for error. i imagine plenty of people could do something like that and not sin, but I doubt I could.
Personally, I don't see what the big deal about sex and God is. Are we not here to enjoy life? Is sex not the way that we continue life itself? If God didn't want us to have sex he would have come up with a different way for us to reproduce. Not to mention that I'd assume a married couple is already doing it, so what's the big deal?
Of course, I'm not Christian so I guess I just can't see why sex is such a big deal for you guys. It's something we all do eventually, something necessary for life to continue, and I feel it shouldn't be looked down upon but seen as a gift. I'm not a mother and I won't be for a long time, but sex is just the first step to carrying that precious gift of life in my tummy. Sex shouldn't be seen as dirty, it should be celebrated! Granted, pornography is a wholly other thing...now that stuff is disgusting.
If I wasn't married and was in a dating relationship I would not holiday alone with a b/f for these scriptural reasons:
* 1 Corinthians 6: 12"Everything is
permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is
permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. 13"Food
for the stomach and the stomach for food"—but God will destroy them
both.
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord,
and the Lord for the body.
*1 John 2:10
brotherWhoever loves his
lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him
stumble.
*1 Thess 5: 22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
overnights are alright as long as the two have seperate hotel rooms
Sounds like a bad idea to me. I went on vacation once with my husband before we were married, but we weren't alone. Even that was difficult, though. Even if you yourself feel that you can resist temptation, you should respect your partner enough to not tempt them.
Also, everyone makes assumptions when you come back. It's best to remain above reproach.
Can't a person be a Christian and be okay with sex before marriage?
As long as it's an act shared between two people who love each other.
After all, isn't God, above all, love?
And I don't think vacationing with a significant other prior to marriage is a problem. When we go on dates, we're alone. Is the temptation not there? When at a significant other's home, is the temptation not there? Should we never go on dates alone? Should we never spend time at our loved ones home?
I don't have any intention of sounding mean or condescening. I suppose I'm just looking for a better understanding of this Christian value.
Absolutely not!
@afadedphotox@xanga - the bible is very clear that sex before marriage is wrong
@reginafalangi - great comparison about Solomon.
I don't see why sex is such a big deal for everyone. I've had sex with my gf since we were 12.
I think it depends on the couple...for some, it's okay, for others, it's just not a good idea. A vacation (romantic or otherwise) alone with your significant other is going to bring about temptation, but temptation, in-and-of itself isn't a bad thing. It's dangerous to flirt with temptation like that, but dangerous in not synonymous with bad.
Let's not forget the good that can come out of this: time alone with your significant other can be a wonderful bonding time and you two can grow together and with the Lord. Any married couple can tell you that, and I since dating is, to me at least, a sort of "practice" for marraige, I don't see why you should tie your hands when it comes to doing something to bring you two closer--with the obvious exception of any hint of sexual immorality--The Bible doesn't say you can't get close to each other, emotionally and spiritually before marraige. (I'm making the assertion that sex is a physical act, which brings about physical intamacy. I know this is an oversimplification, but I think my point still holds.)
That said, the unfortunate truth is that most couples for whom it wouldn't be a problem would never do it for fear it would be, and most couples who probably shouldn't go on a vacation together won't worry about the potential for bad decisions...but that's why we need to have honest self-reflection, which is something far too few people do.
Also, as Paul stresses throughout many of his letters (most notably 1st Corinthians), just because something isn't bad itself, it can be a stumbling block for others, and that makes it evil. I feel like this could very easily become that type of situation.
There's my two cents
yes. but aren't there certain parts of the bible that are outdated or parts that cannot be taken out of context?
" However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)"
isn't slavery wrong? inhumane?
but i do believe this post is the wrong place for a biblical debate.
although, if possible, could someone direct me to the passage about sex before marriage?
@idanny - Question for you: are you a Christian?
If no, then I'm not going to say you can't; it's not my place.
But if you do claim to follow Christ, then as your brother in Christ, I'm obligated to call you out.
The Bible says that sex outside of marraige is a sin against God, against your girlfriend and against yourself. Period. That's why it's a big deal. Why people choose to make sex such a bigger issue than other things the Bible says are sins, I don't know, probably because it's so prevelent in our society and in our nature. Either way, having sex outside of marriage isn't how God would want us to live, and as his servants, we ought to do our best to live as He would want. When we fail, Jesus will take the hit, so long as we continue trying.
That's the short version, message me if you want the long version.
muchlove
See, if you believe that God is all-powerful and all-knowing you must trust His judgement and respect the boundaries He has set for you. Sex is a great thing and God Himself is its Author but God doesn't appreciate whem we misuse His gift. If you have accepted to honor God with your life that includes honoring Him with your body and sexual self. And His Word says that He won't tolerate fornication.
As to the vacation alone with the bf/gf, I suggest that you go with some company and have separate rooms.
To answer the question: I would say no. I didn't have this exact expirience, but I had something like it. Before my husband and I were married, we didn't exactly go on vacation together, but he lived alone and I would go over there a lot and stay late. And while we never "did anything", temptation was a constant problem. And the temptation was a constant source of tension, and it caused a lot of arguments. So I would think couples who want to wait until they get married should spare themselves of these situations.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - It's not that God doesn't want us to have sex. God created sex and he wants us to have good sex. BUT irresponsible sex is not of God, and it can lead to all sorts of problems. If an unmarried couple is having sex, one can get very attatched, and it can be very hard if the relationship ends. Sex is the very deepest act of intimacy, so I don't believe in no-strings-attatched sex.
And I'm with you. I'm a Christian but I think it's bad that sex is such a taboo thing in the Christian world. It's not dirty and it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just something that you have to guard your heart about and be responsible about.
I would like to know what "marriage" is to people here. Is it obtaining a license? Is it a pastor holding a ceremony? or is it simply a covenant between two people who love one another and make plans to stay faithful and work to be together?
@merquryd@xanga - I think marriage is a combination of all three. You need to have a license to make it legal, you need to have love and commitment to make it work, and you need to have some kind of ceremony, whether by a pastor or a justice of the piece, to make it final.
I've gone on trips with boyfriends before and nothing happened. Neither of us was even tempted to do anything because we are both so deeply rooted in our faith that, well, there would be no reason to do anything.
@HeartOfPandora@xanga - If God didn't want us to have sex he would have come up with a different way for us to reproduce.
God does want us to have sex, inside of marriage.
@afadedphotox@xanga - Can't a person be a Christian and be okay with sex before marriage?
yes. but aren't there certain parts of the bible that are outdated or parts that cannot be taken out of context?
yes. but aren't there certain parts of the bible that are outdated or parts that cannot be taken out of context?
It's in the New Testament. There's many verses about fornication(sex outside of marriage) being a sin.