Tuesday, 17 June 2008
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Servant, or....Slave?
by missmarigold
Lately, God's been convicting me to freely serve others, which is difficult considering my trust issues. It's not like I'm expecting a reward, it's that I'm afraid people will take advantage of my generosity. I don't mind doing the occasional good deed, but it becomes a problem when people expect me to keep doing that deed over and over again.
Last semester, my friend "Katie," (who was also my roommate at the time), would ask me to eat with her in the cafeteria twice a day since she hates eating alone. I didn't mind at first, but spending a couple hours at a time in the caf became really inconvenient when schoolwork started piling up. I'd get annoyed at having to take a break in my work, but I just couldn't tell her directly that I couldn't eat with her because when I did, she'd look disappointed and just skip the meal altogether. Of course, I felt guilty, but I didn't like feeling pressured. Since I'm very non-confrontational, I turned all passive-aggressive and would hide in the library and turn off my phone. I'm pretty sure she knew I was avoiding her, but by then, I felt so spiteful of her "control" over me that I didn't even care. So you can't eat by yourself? Deal with it! I'm not gonna bow to your whims!One night, while my roommates and I were up late studying for our finals, my laptop started making weird noises. I turned it off and unscrewed the bottom to check if it was dirty. I carefully laid the microscopic-sized screws inside a bottle cap. Of course, my elbow knocked it over, scattering the screws along my cluttered desk space.
Cursing, I dove to the floor, which prompted my roommates to ask what was wrong. I gave them a harried explanation and added that it wasn't a big deal.
Before I could stop her, Katie was down on her hands and knees next to me. "Where'd you hear them fall?" she asked. I told her I could find them myself, but she was adamant about giving me a hand.After an hour of crawling around and rearranging furniture, we'd recovered all but one of the screws. Katie, who's near-sighted to boot, had found 5 of them while I'd found 2. I did not even know how to thank her. She didn't owe me anything, as I'd spent the last couple of weeks hoarding my time even when I didn't need to. Truthfully, were our situations reversed, I would've said something sympathetic while leaving her to her own devices.
The following semester, I accompanied Katie to the caf - not begrudgingly or half-heartedly like before, but with willingness that only the Holy Spirit can provide. At the same time, spending more time together helped her realize that I can't always afford to take long meal breaks, so she doesn't hold it against me when I can't make it (and am honest, not passive-aggressive.)
I'm not gonna pretend that one instance solved my issues with generosity. As much as I try to adhere to Jesus' instruction that we serve others, I feel like a pushover when going out of my way for people turns me into a doormat. When resentment stops me from even offering a hand in the first place, I know I've become selfish.
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." - Matthew 25:35-36.
Do you ever have trouble serving others wholeheartedly?
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Comments (14)
nope I don't. I have always loved serving others. Even at the expense of myself. But I know how to say no when I need to as well. I hope you can learn to say no and have the joy of being a blessing to others.
I love doing things for people, but when you know they are taking advantage of you there is nothing wrong with calling them on it. If they ARE knowingly taking advantage of you, they will get offended and make it look like your fault. If they didn't realize they were doing it but just enjoyed having someone do something for them and are a true friend, their reaction will be one of "Oh I'm sorry, I wasn't even thinking I was taking advantage of you" If they are shown how you feel and put themselves in that position, they should understand where you are coming from. Remember though, as someone with a servant heart, there has to be those that love being served. Myself, I have a hard time letting people do things for me, simply because I like to be the one doing the serving. I ned to remember myself that even though it makes me happy to be able to serve someone, I need to be sensitive to others when they try to do something for me. I may be hurting their spirit by refusing to let them have some joy in serving me. You can tell when someone is just plain selfish though, I even have a hard time serving them. Only Christ can help you serve folks like that.
I know just what you mean, and I've been there too. I think it's interesting you mentioned trust issues--I find that I always have an easier time giving my time and energy to those who I know I can trust not to take advantage of me--or, worse, to see me as a hassle or inconvenience when I need some help in return. But the one thing I think I've learned about this is that it is possible to be utterly self-sacrificing without being a doormat. Jesus never withheld anything from anyone who asked him, he never said no to anyone who asked for his help, but nobody could call him a doormat. This knowledge encourages me when I start to feel discouraged by people's selfishness, and I've been really praying and working on godly generosity--a generosity that is willing to sacrifice all, but is also totally unyielding in the face of evil.
give to those who ask.
I know where you coming from girl. Last semester I became friends with this girl who seemed like she really needed someone to encourage her in life. She really didn't like talking to her parents about thing so she would always turn to me and ask me for advice about stuff. At first, I didn't mind because it felt good to help her but when it became more frequent and took more time away from my schoolwork I got hella annoyed. I mean I would avoid her calls as much as I could but then after a while the Lord began to touch my heart. Gently telling me that how I was being towards his child wasn't ok with Him. So I opened up to the Lord and just gave Him my feelings about her and the situation then it wasn't annoying anymore and it doesn't even feel like she calls me as much. I actually come to love this person in Lord.
yes. all the time. and the more i slip into spiritual abyss, the harder i find it to serve anyone other than myself. it's an ugly feeling. thanks for the posting. it was a good reminder,
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The hardest lesson to learn is that of being a servant. We can`t really serve until we first empty our self of our self. This is call humility and it comes when we die with Christ, surrender our self to Christ and follow to wherever and whoever God decides we need to be. You`re on the right road, just trust God to direct you
Wow that is sweet! I don't really have a problem serving people but I love my alone time. Maybe a little too much. I sometimes find myself screening my phone calls just so I can continue my alone time. Most times I won't really go out anywhere but wait until someone comes here. It is really something God is working on with me, to become more extroverted instead of introverted.
Sometimes I do get afraid of being a pushover, like loaning friends money if they need it and not asking for it back when I really want it. It's hard for me to find the line between being generous and being taken advantage of. If I know that I should be doing something for someone even though I don't want to, it helps me to list all the reasons why I should be doing it. I reference the Bible for myself, I think about what I'm called to do as a Christian, and I also think about what would make me happy if I was the person on the receiving end.
To die to oneself and to live for Christ is something we are all working on. And one thing that helps me during one of my "people are just using me" spats. Is that..we are to serve others and work as "unto the Lord". It really helps. You are not unnoticed by God. He see's what your doing and he is pleased by it.
Christina
I know exactly how you feel! As a matter of fact, I became really non-sociable at one point because of how I would see others being taken advantage of who sort of had my same charactersistics. But then I learned about discernment. With the Holy Spirit's direction, you'll know whether or not they're taking advantage of you or not. And if they are, then you have to learn how to be more confrontational. I struggled with confrontations pretty much all my life up until about last year (I'm 20 yrs old). But I also learned that I'm here to be a servant and it's not about me. Even if people take advantage of me, I know that my acts of love and kindness is seen by God and that's all that matters :)
I'm amazed! That's something I struggle with so much, and God has really been teaching me about it! The exact same way! I'm so glad He grows us.