Tuesday, 17 June 2008
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What I Wish I'd Been Told
from rocknrollmandie
I grew up in a denomination that taught (to my understanding) that any mental illness can be traced to unrepented sin in one's life. This not only left me wondering what I had done wrong whenever I experienced depression or anxiety, but it unfortunately caused me to wrongly judge those who struggled with similar issues. I also grew up under the impression that medicating a mental illness was unecessary and only covered up the issue. Immediately after the birth of my second child, I felt off. The dark, heavy feeling I had was seemingly all-encompassing. I felt as if the walls were caving in on me. I couldn't sleep. Even though the baby slept with me, I could not fall asleep for fear of her dying. I cleaned obsessively. I felt inadequate and inept. I suffered from panic attacks. I withdrew from those around me. My thoughts would often race, and I couldn't relax.
Although I never felt like I wanted to harm my children (thank the Lord for that!), I did want to harm myself. One day on the way home from church, it took everything I had within me not to open the car door while my husband was driving and let myself roll out onto the pavement. Until this time, I'd thought that postpartum depression was a make-believe illness. When my daughter was four months old, I finally admitted to a friend that I thought that I had PPD. I didn't start feeling better until thirteen months postpartum. I never did go on medication. In hindsight, I am sure that medication would have made that first year much easier for me.
After the birth of my second child, my sister was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She is a cutter and self-injurer. She is also a Bible-believing Christian. My dad is agoraphobic. My childhood friend was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My pastor struggles with depression. My husband has social anxiety. I know many men and women of Faith who have some form of a mental illness.
I wish that someone would have told me that mental illnesses are a byproduct of living in a fallen world. I wish that I would have been told sooner that it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't being punished by God.
Do you ever feel guilty for struggling emotionally? How can we better serve those who live with mental illnesses?
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Comments (21)
wow, yes I do. And if I don't allow myself to struggle out loud to
someone, to cry or fume, I become physically ill. just yesterday
evening I had an anxiety attack that my husband was convinced was a
heart attack. I thought I was handling some things going on in our
lives with calm and grace, but what I really was doing was shoving
several days of fear and worry out of sight, and it caught up with me.
I wish I'd been told the absolute necessity of holiness and sexual purity for believer's in Christ. (I had always heard that holiness was merely being "set apart.") -Mostly by women, coincidently. Hmm.
Also, I wish I had been told how to actually live the Christian life by those who truly knew the reality of God and how to pray, how to hear God's voice, how to truly fight in spiritual battle, and how to recognize and overcome the tactics of the enemy.
I agree that the Church here in America has come to embrace many false and worldly teachings and practices.
Such as thinking that God's will is always soverign in our lives here on earth. And also that if someone is suffering, or poor or homeless (especially someone who have given up hope and, as a result fallen into sin) that it must be their own fault, due to some sin in their life to begin with.
hi. i'm looking forward to how society is becoming more aware of mental illnesses and that they should not have the old embarrassing image associated with them. i'm still going through medical school, but i did a couple years of research in the neuro/psych field and even though i can be a very callous person in terms of being sensitive to people's emotions, i am very particular about paying attention to the biological processes that make us tick. the medical treatments we have in psychiatry are still sort of "shotgun approach" they work very very well for many people, but also not at all for others. As a fellow Christian, i cannot see any valid reason why Christians should think that medication is not a valid option to consider, while we go ahead and use medications for every other system of the human body. This should always be kept in mind, while allowing for our prayers to God to acknowledge that He could heal, he can comfort, give us access to medicine, encourage, love(!!), ... act in every way he sees fit. i think struggling emotionally is part of the fight we're finishing up in this life of ours, and its meant to be tough...but also rewarding.
Keep up the fight, God is rooting for us to rely on Him. I need to be told that as well, all the time.
I wish depression and the like were made up illnesses. I think it would be easier to overcome.
Yes I have struggled with 'medicated' depression. This is a really hard issue for the church, I don't know that there are any easy solutions. And unfortunately a lot of those solutions vary depending on the churches particular 'theology'
(((((((((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))))
Thanks for sharing your story with us all.
Bless you
x
That's an eye-opening story for me. I have no idea what it would be like to suffer from a mental illness, let alone depression, but I think that the best thing we can do for anyone is just to let them know that we will support them and help them out if they need anybody.
I do feel a lot of struggle with depression. I always have. Luckily, my mother taught me to be open to sharing my feelings with others. My grandfather was an alcoholic and was bi-polar, so she the destruction bottling up feelings and not seeking help could cause.
I went on anti depressants after my son was born, and my husband deployed. I felt that depression before, but once my husband left, I was alone with a young baby and no one to talk to at the end of the day.
Thank you for sharing this, and helping take away the stigma of postpartum depression as well as other mental illnesses.
I do feel guilty because I like knowing I can work things out, and not knowing what is wrong with me personally or emotionally bugs me. It's my life, I know the most about it, but why can't figure what is wrong? This doesn't happen often, but when it does, it just becomes too much to handle, thankfully the Lord is there to guide me.
As for mental illness, I believe the use of medication is fine. They make it better to cope and live life. Now some are more serious than others, but all with prayer, love, and nuturing family and friends can make the illness not even matter.
Everyone goes through down times and stuggles, and eventually they come out of them.
Yeah!!!!!!
I know exactly what you mean! I struggle with depression as well as an eating disorder and have been told so many times by Christians that I would 'get better' if I would pray more, go on a missions trip etc etc.
I don't believe that Jesus will automatically heal His people of any struggles they have, but I do know He gives us Someone to turn to when it just gets too hard. I think the best way to help out people who are having a rough time is to stick with them through it all. Jesus hung out with the lepers, the social outcasts, etc, the people nobody else thought were acceptable. If Jesus hung out with people who had problems and struggled with life, why aren't we doing the same. Thanks for sharing, rocknrollmandie!I have struggled with depression for about 10 years. It was at it highest when I was 14 - 15 and 19 - 20. Those were the years the suicide came into play. I only thank God that He saved me from killing myself in those times. There were times when I would feel so dark and cold and no reason why. Coming from a very abusive childhood (physically,sexually, and emotionally) I went right into one for one of my first relationships. After I had my daughter I snapped. She went to live with her father because I couldn't look after myself much less her. People told me about PPD but I just blew it off because I have always swore never to go on medication. Mental illness runs all through my family both sides. My dad's side turned to medication and my mom's side turned to drugs and alchole.
Only after I accepted Christ did He start to heal my heart and take away my depression. It took about a year and some to come back but it happened. I now no longer turn to drugs, cutting and suicide but to Jesus and He gives such a peace every time my mind starts to run.
Dealing with people dealing with depression or PPD isn't easy but remember to love them like Jesus and offer them to Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Just love them.
Yeah. I feel guilty about struggling with emotion. I think maybe its something I'm doing wrong or something I should be doing to stop it. I think I have some sort of mental illness, even though I'm not sure what. Even when I voice my worrys to my family they would never beleive me. But drawing closer to God has brought peace. I know have to place my anxieties on him that all these situations and struggles are apart of his perfect plan.
When I became a believer 21 yrs ago... I had been seeking counsel to lay aside the hanging on stuff from childhood with alcoholic abusive parents. my new friend Pam, kept kindly saying, ' counseling is good, but you need the Lord too".... and while she was RIGHT, and the evening that I let Him have all of me.... the old stuff did wash away!!! and grace towards my parents FILLED my self!! leading to forgiveness and even towards God working in their lives, freeing them from alcohol !! I realize that depression is a disease. I have lay counseled people suffering from it. Just as no one would think to tell someone with leukemia that their illness might just be from lack of faith, mental illness is a real disease and deserves the same compassion and care. Since our son's accidental death on his job, so nearly seven years ago.....hubby and I and even our surviving children, have struggled at times with knowing when the grief intensity had slid into depression, because there IS a difference. Grief is not mental illness, and it IS painful hard work, even as a born again Spirit filled person....
and depression can slip in there and rob one of the energy to see the way through the journey. Hubby has taken meds, thank God!! for giving someone the intelligence to create those!! Praise and Glory!! to Him for that!! He has been off of them too..... and each step hand in hand with Spirit Led counselor.........and God's leading. I have lately gone through a month of depression, led out by counsel, and by turning my face to Jesus again for His light. i had looked away, at the pain and ache..... too tired to pray.
And while God IS faithful to the degree we can't even explain, while in the depths, one can think wrongly, that " if I am His, I must have joy. I don't feel joy, I can't see my way out of this dark tunnel, so something must be wrong with my faith" And that, my friends, is a LIE from the PIT. Been there, been freed from that. So, now, after suffering the new thing since Brian was killed, post traumatic shock ...... I do this. Breathe, breathe YOU, Lord, in....... I am breathing the anxiety OUT. This has been a helpful tool, for me.
And letting God be God to others, likewise suffering living in a fallen world.... giving empathy, kindness, grace. Breathing prayers for them..........
It frustrates me so much when churches teach that. It just breeds the idea that God is out to get us and punish us, which is not true! I struggle with mild depression as most of the world does. Right now is especially hard because I just got married and moved to a new town, which means I have almost no friends and no job, I just sit around trying to occupy myself.
I came from an abusive background, so I have had a lot of emotional turmoil in my life. And, although God has done a tremendous amount of healing in my life, I still suffer from a significant amount of anxiety. However, as I learn and grow and get more and more of God's truth inside of me, I am able to rest and lean on Him and draw near to Him. It takes TIME, though. There are no quick fixes. I was in counseling for two years, and it did me a world of good. I don't personally take meds, but I don't hesitate to recommend them to those who might really need them.
I think that the best thing we can do to serve those struggling with any kind of mental illness is to listen to them and let them be who they are right now. Don't try to "fix" them. Instead, offer compassion, tell the truth in love, and just be there for them. A lot of times someone who is struggling emotionally just needs a sounding board, someone to whom they can tel how they really feel without fear of recriminaion or judgement. Too many people seem to think that one prayer or one conversation will solve all of the person's problems, and the walk away feeling like they've "fixed" them. But it's not that simple. By all means, pray for the individual, but the truth is to really serve them, we have to be willing to get down in the trenches, where it is ugly and gritty and real, and we have to be willing to stay there for the long haul.
Sometimes I do feel guilty for struggling emotionally. I dealt with depression for about 5-6 years and I sometimes thought of suicide but never made any attempts. Anyway, I've overcome it and to this day all I can do is remember that there's nothing Too Hard for God! Mental illnesses, diseases, depression....he can heal physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually! Put all of your trust in him! Rebuke those illnesses/diseases that those close to you have! Really trust him and since you're knowledgable of his Word now, put it to use! Walking by faith isn't just "waiting" for God to heal you. It's up to you to believe and put faith into action! (James 2) God Bless!
how can we better serve those who struggle mentally on a daily basis?
I
think that simply learning about their disease and their struggle will
help us to serve them. Even though we may never completely (or even
remotely) understand what they're going through, educating ourselves
will help to alleviate our own fears so we can just be there and let
them know that they are loved and someone cares about them no matter
what.
Thank you SO much for writing this! I grew up in the same kind of denomination and still struggle with the lies they propagate. I struggled (untreated) for 2 years before I was finally diagnosed with bipolar and began treatment. It's still tough, because after only two months on medication we got pregnant. I'm now in my 30th week and am still struggling, because my meds need adjusting frequently.
I've never understood why on earth it's okay to medicate for every other ailment (thyroid, diabetes, cholesterol, etc)--EXCEPT mental illness. And I think the church should be ashamed of themselves for not providing help for those of us who do struggle. I live in Colorado Springs--a heavily evangelical area--and do you know that I can't find ONE small group or support group for this stuff??? I think the best way we can serve those who struggle with mental problems is to talk about it. Lies cannot live in the presence of the truth!! We need to rally around one another and offer support until the body of Christ (Christians/the church) wakes up and joins us!
I've struggled with with ADHD since I was five, but never put on medication for it because my mom wouldn't let them. She didn't want me to get holes in my brain, or go to street drugs when they would have taken me off the Ritalin at 21. Also, I've struggled with depression since I was 12. For that, I did take Paxil for a while, but the side effects caused me to become extremely violent, to the point that a cop suggested anger management, and told me if he had to talk to me again about getting into a fight, I'd end up in juvenile and anger management would be mandatory. I told the doctor about everything and I was taken off of Paxil. I've been dealing with the depression on my own a lot since I was 14, and the only way I really know to deal is to cut myself. I've never heard that mental disorders are God's way of punishment, and it's church teachings like that that push me away from organized religions. I think it's more important to have a personal relationship with God rather than what church you go to or what your religion is. I have had that thought before though, that my depression and cutting are God's way of punishing me for not believing in Him for so many years, and I have felt really guilty about it, but I also know that God forgives and stills loves us all, and if we ask for his forgiveness, it is given.