Thursday, 12 June 2008
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Choosing the Lesser of Two Evils
by mrs. violet
I was 21, and in my final year of university, when I found myself pregnant.I had been raised in a Christian home. In fact, for the the past 15 years, my parents were part of a ministry that involved two different Bible colleges, pastoring a church, and being cottage parents to Aboriginal children in rural Western Australia.
During my last year of high school, my younger sister ran away with an older woman (read predator) from our church. It was bizzare, hurtful, strange and a life changing event. My dad left the church, my home life nearly fell apart and I found myself questioning God and His people a lot. Needless to say, the next 3 years saw my faith and my world rocked.
Situations like the above do not justify the sins I committed. They may help explain them a little, but at the end of the day, we still need redemption, we still need to come under the power of the cross EVEN when life hits the road and our worlds fall apart.
When I became pregnant during my 3rd year of university, I was left to decide the lesser of two evils. Do I marry the baby's father - who was not a Christian? Or do I raise the child by myself, despite the father wanting to marry me and raise his child? I chose the first option.Sometimes we like to think the Christian life is a black and white journey. That the Bible's principles are blatantly clear and that our options are as vivid as fire and cloud.
In the nitty gritty of real life, the reality is that often, they are not. Sometimes you need to take the Biblical principles and look at the "Spirit" behind them. In my case I did what Genesis talked about. I left, cleaved and reproduced (or was about to). Spiritually, I was married, and the choice had already been made. The "sin" had already been committed.
I won't know on this side of heaven if I did the right thing. I believe I did do the right thing, or at least the best thing, given my situation. My son had his father close by, and we were not torn apart through separation or blended families. We have gone on to stay married and have another 4 children. Some would argue that it has been close to a "happy ending." Others argue that instead of marrying a non-believer I should have trusted that God would work it all out.I guess that God will reveal the answers when we're in eternity.
Have you faced spiritual situations in your life where the Bible was not as black and white as you would like it to be?
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Comments (29)
My husband and I found ourselves in a similar situation. Only we were both Christians and leaders in our Youth Group. We were together for a long time, but were not yet married when I found myself to be pregnant. We stepped down from our Church duties and figured out where we stood. We were engaged at the time so we just boosted our wedding up. But our sin was still sin. God still used our situation though. And we are still happily married, going on 5 years now and our 3rd child on the way.
Yes my fellow sister I have been in situations where things weren't just black and white but I have found that in those situations that it is very helpful to just turn my heart to the Lord (2 cor 3:16). What I mean by that is just sitting down to pray. Talk to the Lord and just tell him what was on my heart. And he usually told me what to do in the end.
I married a non-believer. We fell pregnant when I was 19 and 2 years into our relationship. We've now been together for 11 years and married for 6. And my husband is now a worship leader at our church. I, and so many dear friends and family members prayed so faithfully for him... I remember one time myself and some prayer partners at church literally on our knees begging for Adam's Salvation. It came 3.5 years ago. I have known women who prayed pretty much their entire marriage for their husbands to come to the Lord. I know personally, one lady who's husband came to Christ after 45 years of marriage. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
I guess all that was to say, the deep, unspoken desire of your heart can still happen. Pray for his Salvation. A wife's prayers are stronger for their husbands than even those she utters for her children. I too, will pray for you and he, I promise.
Thought provoking. Life is not always cut and dry after we sin. Praise God for forgiveness in Christ when I repent, but where do I go from here? We have the principles of God's Word and if these do not shed light on a specific decision, looking to Him in prayer and wise Christian counsel usually yields wisdom to make the best choice. As we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship one with another and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin (See 1 John 1). If we truly agree with God about our sin and turn from it, we will be able to have fellowship with other believers. We are never alone. It is only when we isolate ourselves from the Lord and His body that we feel helpless and think we don't have support for the next step.
Just trying to figure out my life spiritually has lead me to realize how not black and white the Bible is. I think, in most points of my life, a personal relationship with God is, above all else, the most important thing. Talk to Him about everything. He knows and He helps. He always does.Â
My son returned home from 1800 miles away with a girlfriend in tow that he wanted to marry. We sent them first to the pastor for premarital counseling and after they left, he called us and sadly stated that he could not marry them as the girl was not a believer. When they got home, the girl was throwing a tantrum and my son was so sad. It came out then that she was pregnant and the plan was not to tell anyone until they had married. I really don't know if the path that was followed was correct in the spirit but the church elders told him that he was not to see the girl anymore in a romantic relationship. We were then informed that she had miscarried the child.All I could feel was that she has followed him to our home and was now all alone. He tried to obey the church but his heart was with her and he ran away from home. Three months later, he returned home in tears. She had been having a relationship with another man while my son babysat her other two children from a previous marriage. He was heartbroken. Even more so when he found that she was telling everyone who would listen that she had really had one over on him as she had actually had an abortion. I truly think we could have handled the situation better, but my son paid a very heavy price for his sin. I am so proud of (or should I say pleased at) how he has grown and progressed in the Lord since that time.
I could tell, a story. but am not ready to.
Things might be simpler if it were just black and white differences but it doesn't seem that way even as much as we might paint our decisions out to be. I believe that God can take any decision that we make and turn it according to his will. He takes the mess and turns it into our message as a message of grace to others.
Life isn't black or white, not even as Christians:) Some churches believe it is, and all they leave behind them is pain.
I married a non-believing man. I'd met several Christian men before that and noone was my type, they were all quite uninteresting. I wanted a man who played music. I couldn't live without playing music, and definitely not be married to someone who didn't share my passion. I met a man who was even interested in the same music styles as myself, bluegrass, oldtime and folk.... we fell in love and we got married. I couldn't imagine myself with someone else, even if he isn't a believer. I pray that he will meet Jesus.... I miss being able to share my faith and relationship with the Lord, with my husband.
But in any case, I've been so blessed. I've been able to sing and play in church, because I got courage and possibility to improve my skills by playing music with my husband. We're doing lots of good things and if God gave me a gift to use, it is blooming.
I'm thinking a lot whether I did wrong and what I should have done and what my life would have been like. But I think that God is guiding me and blessing me anyway.
Thanks for sharing the story.
I admire your ability to be open and honest. There are so many women who have married non-believers. Some eventually come to know the Lord through their wives and some don't. But you will have a positive influence in that way on him and your children. I think you did the right and honorable thing.
Thanks for sharing your life today. Marriage weather it be with or without a Chirstian Mate is hard work. You're making it work, with a loving home for your children and showing them love for your spouse. That is a God gift of patience, strength and endurance. I married a believer in Christ but as you stated about your father my spouse walked away from the Lord and then his family. So for the spouse who is honorable to hang in there through the hard times life throws to them, I believe the Holy Spirit is working. God will work through you to reach the people we love, I know it's hard to see it some days. Always pray the blood of Christ over them daily.
I'm very glad things have ended up at least semi-happy for you and that you didn't have an abortion then, but I would hope that now in this day and age you would also encourage other girls that get pregnant to consider the option of adopting. I realize that is a complicated situation; however, I am a birthmother and I really think my daughter is one of the happiest kids on earth.
Good morning, Mrs. Violet. I am so glad and proud to see that you have joined the Revelife Crew of writers. I know we are all in for some very thoughtful and insightful entries. I bet this means you will not be able to include any personal photos with these types of posts. Bummer, 'cause we all know what an inventive and talented photographer you are.Take care, keep safe....
Thank you for sharing your story. It's true, life is not always black and white and neither are all of the decisions we make as Christians. I know that I do believe that God may have placed you with your husband "for such a time as this" to bring him to salvation. It has happened time and time again and we know that He can work all things for good! We just can't expect to always understand his ways.
- Show ContextDo not be unequally yoked together with
unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
1Co 6:13 - Show Context
Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the
bodyis not for sexual immorality but for the
Lord, and the
Lordfor the
body.
1Co 6:15 - Show Context
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a
harlot? Certainly not!
I want to deal with this in a harsh but yet Loving way. To say that the bible has nothing to say is foolish.
God created these laws as laws of love! To desecrate them is to descrate him.
To me what is horrifying is the actual process up to this stage as it is becoming more prevalant among christian youth groups who denegrate it!
They cannot wait for a christian man or women!
I want to Codone the sin! but not you Because we have many People in this current generation who will do the same thing.
Where was the CU or the Christian Union to help you or tell you! It is suppose to be a very high proportion of University Christians who denegrate this biblical principle of having sex outside marriage.
Do I marry the baby's father - who was not a Christian? Or do I raise
the child by myself, despite the father wanting to marry me and raise
his child?
The simple but yet hard question is that you stay with the dad. Because in biblical terms you have become one with him! My mum does Social Work and cases like this our normally dire.
Most girls who produce kids in wedlock, there kids end up producing kids in wedlock.
A downward cycle that produces pain and more pain.
You did the right thing but the ramifications were serious for a few moments foolishness.
It is amazing how a small moment of sin can lead up to having dire concequences affecting our whole life.
We have a lady in our church who still has to suffer the pain of having a non christian husband and the pain that she suffers is great! You must have suffered greatly!
Even from a biblical point of few the answer is yes, no,yes.
Have you faced spiritual situations in your life where the Bible was not as black and white as you would like it to be?
Yes but hopefully god will make it black and white!
I think DeltaDom needs to not be so judgmental of your past and of the siuation of the lady in his church who "has to suffer the pain" of having a nonchristian husband. God has restored the spiritual health of my husband after nearly 10 years, and while it was trying at times, you continue to pray and trust that God will continue to draw that husband back to himself. God has redeemed you and your marriage, so praise Him and how awesome that you have more children together.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. - Romans 8:1
I think your testimony that you shared is proof that God does forgive us of our sins and make all things work together for His good. Thank you for sharing your heart. I think it is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing your very personal situation(s) with us. Yes, there have indeed been situations that were not "black and white." They occur in my life on an almost daily basis in big and not-so-big ways. I pray your husband chooses to turn to his Saviour and see his life truly impacted by Christ soon-- the sooner, the better! Amen!
I love this entry because I feel that it is very honest and real. I don't think that situations are nearly as black and white as Christians are taught to think... and even if there is a black and white, I have full faith in Jesus' mercy and compassion (while he is just and pure).
@deltadom@xanga - Very well said. I fully agree, seek the black and white. It's there. Thx. Be blessed.
I don't know your relationship. I can only guess from you saying that
you were 'in spirit' married, that you loved and do love each other. I
will say all of this presuming that.
I feel no doubt, given that you love your husband, that you made the right decision. There is no better place for a child to grow up than in the house of two people who love each other. How you got where you are, how events happened- all these things are always God's plans even if they involve our sins. People can recite the laws and specifics for days, but so could the pharisees. The 'black and white' is an easy place to rule from, when it doesn't effect you. But Jesus never saw people in black in white. He never saw 'tax collector', 'adulterer', 'cruel master', 'unclean'. He saw a person, and a life, in each person he met and talked to. That doesn't mean he couldn't be angered at a person's actions or attitudes, but he never let 'black and white' guide him- only complete, unconditional love. So you are 'unevenly yoked'- or what not. But you are not allowed to harvest on the sabbath, but Jesus picked wheat to feed himself and his companions. Just as it is wrong for a man to go hungry when he can be fed, it is wrong to tear apart a family that loves each other.
@glwngstrz1803@xanga - this is such a wonderful testimony to His grace. I also think it is fantastic that sin did not hold you back and that you have gone on to a fruitful marriage and productive Christian walk. Praise God hey, He is big indeed!
@ilovej21 - Yup, prayer certainly opens up a whole new facet of relationship with God.
@Abbas_princess@xanga - thank you. God has never let me down yet, He has taught me lots about His timing though!
@tshavlik - that is very true, thanks so much.
@SofiaBelle - I think talking with God is always the first place to start, thanks for your comments.
@momof4boys@xanga - this is heart breaking. I am so sorry for the pain your son suffered. May he truly 'return to strengthen the brethren' like Peter in Luke 22
@justonehummingbird - In God's time my dear!
@asianic415@xanga - Amen, I certainly claim Romans 8:28 in my life.
@susiakasinead - I praise God that he is using you for his kingdom. I pray that your husband will come to know Christ Jesus, for HIS OWN salvation! Bless you.
@paladin_carvin@xanga - I really love the way you put all of that. I had never really thought of the way Jesus looked 'through' our labels before. Very graciously put! Thank you.
@steadfastmom - I tend to agree, I then put it in the context of John 1:17
@kimlxf@xanga - Thank you, it has been a long road. I have always felt that God can redeem the worse of us, for the best of others... so therefore if there is a story to tell about the grace of God, then who am I to stand in the way?
@ramakeela - thank you I agree with that prayer!
@ConsumingPassion78@xanga - Praise God that is indeed another of His black and whites.... there IS no condemnation.... He is indeed mighty!!!!
@deltadom@xanga - I think you have basically summarized the biblical 'logic' I used. I am pleased we agree. I would also urge young Christians to take the bible very seriously and weigh up 'spiritual and physical' consequences of sin.
@rachelserine@xanga - Me too. Thank you!
@The_Carpenters_Apprentice - Hello dear friend... so nice to see you here! You sure do know how to find me! Bless you!
@Nicholette - Oh I think they have ended up very happy. One of my favorite ministries that deals with this kind of thing is Mercy Ministries, I would entreat any young girl in my situation to look into them. If they were not marrying and going down the adoption route. Bless you and bless your daughter too.
@RoughTuffCreamPuff@xanga - Just wanted to give you a ((((((( hug )))))) and say thanks! Bless you!
@KOdette - thank you, I believe that I have too.
@shrek_azn@xanga - thank you for reading it!
I would personally argue that you made the best choice in the situation. My mom was a young lady in the coast guard when she got pregnant and after MUCH persistance on my non-christian Dad's part, she married him. As a result my sister and I also exist (after my brother) and we got to enjoy life with our father who was loving and a good support to my mom. I know it's normally best to choose to marry someone who is of the same faith as you are (and I have done that) but that doesn't mean you can't live a long wonderful life of faith married to a respectable non-christian. :)
@aliyagator@xanga - I agree, I think that in our case it was the right choice. I think this is where Romans 8:28 comes into play.... especially in a repentant heart.
Bless you. Is that a little baby in your picture?