Thursday, 12 June 2008

• Cute and wanted. Me?

  from HenryPerc

  "You're cute!"  That's what she said to me just as I had the door open and was about to leave.

  Laurie and I always had the greatest conversations whenever I drop off or pick up my dry cleaning. Her fountain of endless stories flowed from the colorful life she lived before settling down and purchasing the dry cleaners. Two weeks ago, my trip to the dry cleaners was no different.  Picked up my 2-piece black suit, we chatted for about 15 minutes, she told me about the dog she knew named Henry, but it was when I was about to say goodbye she dropped the C-bomb on me - "You're cute!" 

  I was at a loss at this unprecedented moment.  Dumbfounded I responded, "Wow...thank you!  That just made my day!"  She proceded to tell me, "Yeah...if I was 20 years younger.....I'd go for you."  I parted with Laurie with sore cheeks from a grin so large it went from one ear to the other and then perhaps wrapped around my head.  That day, I was deemed worthy to "go for" by a girl. 

  I was always the kid who got picked last in gym class.  I would sulk in dread whenever the chemistry teacher asked us to pair up with a partner. I would always end up with Keith, the other kid who nobody wanted.  Recess consisted of looking for a cool crowd and standing near enough to look as if I'm associated with them but far enough so they wont notice me and then start making fun of me. 

  School bus rides were a complex scientific formula of determining the section of the bus that had the lowest concentration of cool people (you get picked on less) - but this had to be determined within 4 seconds of walking on the bus.  For every second beyond that increases the awkward factor by 20 percent/second.  Since every seat is usually taken up, those who are sitting by themselves are all thinking, "Oh no..  is he going to sit next to me?"  "Stop following me!  How come you always follow me!"  That's what Neil said to me when our Media Center class was asked to look for a partner.  Neil was the class dweeb. 

  I grew up as Henry the Unwanted One.
        
  "Come follow me."  That's what Jesus said to me.  God doesn't want me because nobody else wanted me.  He doesn't want me out of pity.  He wants me because it's simply His nature to love His own creation.  However, I do take comfort in the fact that throughout the Bible, Jesus had always shown compassion on those who are marginalized, sick, poor, weary, and burdened. 

  I admit, many times I can't fathom God's love for me.  Why would anybody want me?  Not even Keith and Neil wanted me!  I don't know.  But God wants me.  He wants me BBAAADDD!  I always feel that Jesus got ripped off when He paid for my sins.  But all the more, His sacrifice for us all is one of those things that moves me to tears. 

  For me the tables had turned.  I am no longer Henry the Unwanted One.  I am wanted by the One cooler than any cool person during recess time.  I am loved by the source of all love.  I confess, many times I want to be wanted by certain people, or community, or organization.  Sometimes I do cry out, "Why cant those I want, want me?"  But I believe I can't be so self-centered... I mean c'mon...  the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE wants me.  How much more wanted can I be?!!!  And plus, in addition to God, my lovely dry cleaning mistress had boldly made clear to me...I am wanted!

  Do you ever feel unwanted? How do you fight that feeling?

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