Thursday, 12 June 2008

  • Cute and wanted. Me?

    from HenryPerc

    "You're cute!"  That's what she said to me just as I had the door open and was about to leave.

    penguins Laurie and I always had the greatest conversations whenever I drop off or pick up my dry cleaning. Her fountain of endless stories flowed from the colorful life she lived before settling down and purchasing the dry cleaners. Two weeks ago, my trip to the dry cleaners was no different.  Picked up my 2-piece black suit, we chatted for about 15 minutes, she told me about the dog she knew named Henry, but it was when I was about to say goodbye she dropped the C-bomb on me - "You're cute!" 

    I was at a loss at this unprecedented moment.  Dumbfounded I responded, "Wow...thank you!  That just made my day!"  She proceded to tell me, "Yeah...if I was 20 years younger.....I'd go for you."  I parted with Laurie with sore cheeks from a grin so large it went from one ear to the other and then perhaps wrapped around my head.  That day, I was deemed worthy to "go for" by a girl. 

    I was always the kid who got picked last in gym class.  I would sulk in dread whenever the chemistry teacher asked us to pair up with a partner. I would always end up with Keith, the other kid who nobody wanted.  Recess consisted of looking for a cool crowd and standing near enough to look as if I'm associated with them but far enough so they wont notice me and then start making fun of me. 

    School bus rides were a complex scientific formula of determining the section of the bus that had the lowest concentration of cool people (you get picked on less) - but this had to be determined within 4 seconds of walking on the bus.  For every second beyond that increases the awkward factor by 20 percent/second.  Since every seat is usually taken up, those who are sitting by themselves are all thinking, "Oh no..  is he going to sit next to me?"  "Stop following me!  How come you always follow me!"  That's what Neil said to me when our Media Center class was asked to look for a partner.  Neil was the class dweeb. 

    I grew up as Henry the Unwanted One.
          
    "Come follow me."  That's what Jesus said to me.  God doesn't want me because nobody else wanted me.  He doesn't want me out of pity.  He wants me because it's simply His nature to love His own creation.  However, I do take comfort in the fact that throughout the Bible, Jesus had always shown compassion on those who are marginalized, sick, poor, weary, and burdened. 

    I admit, many times I can't fathom God's love for me.  Why would anybody want me?  Not even Keith and Neil wanted me!  I don't know.  But God wants me.  He wants me BBAAADDD!  I always feel that Jesus got ripped off when He paid for my sins.  But all the more, His sacrifice for us all is one of those things that moves me to tears. 

    For me the tables had turned.  I am no longer Henry the Unwanted One.  I am wanted by the One cooler than any cool person during recess time.  I am loved by the source of all love.  I confess, many times I want to be wanted by certain people, or community, or organization.  Sometimes I do cry out, "Why cant those I want, want me?"  But I believe I can't be so self-centered... I mean c'mon...  the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE wants me.  How much more wanted can I be?!!!  And plus, in addition to God, my lovely dry cleaning mistress had boldly made clear to me...I am wanted!

    Do you ever feel unwanted? How do you fight that feeling?

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Comments (26)

  • quiltnmomi@xanga

    What a great blog, and what a great question.  I like to think that we all struggle from time to time with feeling unwanted, but I fear that mostly it's just me.  Loneliness is a painful place.  I know that the Lord loves me.  But I'm reminded often of the little kid who's grandfather said, "You needn't be afraid, God is here" for the chidl to reply, "But I want someone with skin on ..."
  • del1968@xanga

    Yeah the world may make you feel unwanted, but isn't it wonderful to be loved by the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE, the CREATOR OF  ALL GOOD?


    A couple of days ago, I was treated like I had the plague on the NJ Transit Light Rail System, but I left knowing and feeling good because I am an alien or foreigner to the world because of the love of GOD. That was the victory, I don't care anymore and I love them, not for what they do, but because of the LORD is in my heart.


    I wasn't popular either, but now that I am walking and loving GOD I am glad I wasn't. It is better to be of GOD than of this world.


    You know what? It does feel good to get a nice compliment, it lets you know that there are still people out there that think that you are nice, attractive and good to be around even if you are an foreigner of the world, or GOD'S child.
  • Adamsgirl2009@xanga

    That was an amazing blog....i to have been the unwanted one....or worse I was the one that people tolerated because they wanted to be friends with my sister and just kind of had to take me along with her.  But you reminded me that I am wanted...by the only one that matters...I've also got a few people in my life who want me other then my family...and a few good ones is much better then a bunch of stupid popular people...thanks for opening my eyes to the fact that no matter what God wants me.
  • dorothyisinkansas@xanga

    Good stuff. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing that. And I do struggle with feeling unwanted...or worse yet not preferred. The feeling that people don't mind being around me/talking to me, but the fact that they would prefer someone else, but I will do.
  • lawmixitup@xanga

    I know how you feel- I still don't fully comprehend that God wants and loves me.
    I never felt wanted in high school, but college is a completely different experience!

    I still don't believe that guys are interested in me.

    Well, except for the guy that won't back off right now!
  • Love_to_Write@xanga

    I'm lucky to have a husband, children, and grandchildren who make me feel loved and wanted. Before that, I was often lonely and felt unwanted but my prayers were answered when a friend of mine set me up on a blind date with her nephew (my husband.) The rest as they say is history.
  • kim@xanga

    Aah, I know exactly how you feel. I always struggled to find my place in school. I was shocked when I found out that (my now husband) liked me! wow! I was fortunate to have parents who loved me to death, but school was really hard. I am so glad that God desires to have a relationship with me and always has!
  • ultravioletskies08@xanga

    I've often felt that way....unwanted.... moreso in the past than I do now--by myself and others...... I suppose now though, others do want me.... but I'm still struggling a bit to want myself.... I suppose that's also where the Bible and the Lord come in. I try to remind myself of all the people who do want me... and want me because the Lord Himself wants me and created them to do the same..... and the same as I have cared for other people, I must find it in myself to want me, regardless of what could be better in me.....

  • mrsviolet

    Very cute story.

    Yes I have most definitely felt like that.  Still do sometimes, on those days I need to stop and speak the God's truth to myself.... about myself.

    Sometimes that can be easier said than done.

    Thanks for sharing it with us.

    x
  • happy_bunny_prep1231@xanga
    yay!

    wow thats sad ur were a loser i think loser are so awesome they kno a lot more and they end up with the better lives hey maybe i could tell my story of growin up a loser but now im the koolest person cause im nice and talk to every1 u kno dont let anything get to u cause u always have 1 or 3 good friends god ur mom and dad

  • alicia

    Excellent story I felt that growing up.. never thought God would ever want me but He does! Hallelujah!
  • overly_toasted_bread@xanga

    haha ohhhh, bad memories... In class I was fine for the most part, but during a large portion of middle school my recess consisted of me walking across the property (soccer field, playground and more grass) as if I was going somewhere/had something to do so I wouldn't look like I didn't have anything to do or I didn't have any friends to hang out with. Eventually I was able to go up and ask if I could join some kids playing pick-up football, but it took long enough...
  • gracebeyondmeasure@xanga

    I fight the feeling daily. Sometimes I can't shake it. But there are verses that help remind me of how much I am valued and loved. And wanted. Sure I don't deserve love, but I am worth it. That always hits me hard. And I just have to keep reminding myself. I keep a box of letters and cards that people have given me over the years that remind me of how much they love me, or specific ways I have blessed them. I pull it out and look through it on hard days. And keeping verses written on my fridge and bathroom mirror help a LOT too.
    Keep pressing in, and keep remembering that you are not only loved, but wanted and delighted in!

    Peace In
  • El_Tiz

    That's a very interesting entry, and one I'd say took a lot of courage to write.  It's hard (at least for me) to step out of my comfort zone and admit to being dragged down by those kinds of feelings.

    I'm well acquainted with that kind of loneliness, though.  I grew up feeling much the same way.  I had some friends in school, not all that many.  I was very shy but didn't have a huge problem getting along.  I can't say so much for my luck with the opposite sex, however.  I was a month shy of turning 22 the first time a girl ever kissed me, and to this day, at the age of 33, I've spent all of 4 months of my life in anything that could be called a relationship.  In that respect, yeah, I've spent a lot of time feeling unwanted.  Sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesn't.  When it really does get me down, I don't know any other way to fight it than to pray.  There are many people who haven't found companionship, I'm certainly not an exception and I'm definitely no more deserving than any of them.  But I too am reminded that I'm wanted by God, even though it's sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around.  And that does help, it helps a lot.  I'm ashamed to admit that it doesn't always take the loneliness away, but without Jesus, any form of companionship I could ever find in this life would be worthless anyway.
  • freaky_cookies06

    I feel unwanted quite a lot. At one time, I felt that way everyday. I am slowly learning, growing, and not caring about what others think of me, because I am Jesus' daughter! It is a very hard struggle, but I know that Jesus loves me and that's all that matters.
  • baronmax02

    I know the feeling.  I spent most of my school years exactly like what you described.  Thanks for the honesty.  I'm amazed at God's love for us and desire for us to know Him personally.  I'm also amazed by other people's acceptance of me regardless of my faults and failures.  Grace is definitely something I'll never completely understand, while being absolutely thankful for.
  • taryn_liz

    I know exactly how you feel. I was the loser kid in school. But it's amazing how with God, I blossomed and God showed me His love and acceptance. He created me, and made me special. And now I can share that with others who feel like the losers in their world. Glad you wrote this...I think many people can relate.
  • A_Brittle_Bow@xanga

    Interestingly, I feel much the same way, but my experience was totally different.  I had a lot of very dear friends all throughout my youth, and I was always one of the most popular people in my class.  But being accepted by other people is not enough to make a person convinced of her worth.  I still struggle every day with feeling like if I am not the perfect person everyone expects me to be, I might lose the acceptance and love of the people I depend on.  It's so good to know God loves me no matter how I feel, no matter what mood I'm in, no matter what bad choices I make or how I might make an idiot of myself.  Knowing God does that for me helps me have faith in the people I love, that they might love me unconditionally too.
  • BHuggins1020@xanga

    I wish people didn't have to go through life feeling lonely   And of course they don't have to if they believe in God, but there are a lot of people who don't.  I like your story, but I hope that you're able to take this and make someone else's day by making them feel less of a dork too

  • shanella

    I love this story ...
    i've felt unwanted a few time, but it's cool to remember that I dont ned to fit in because I fit into a more "cosmic crowd" and God wants me even if people don't ...
  • BelovedPrincess

    Gosh, you put into words how so many of us feel :)  When I feel alone, I would love to remind myself of what you said in your last paragraph 
  • cindysnoopy

    Thanks so much for sharing that. It's been something I've really felt the Lord speaking to me lately, that I am loved and desired by the Creator of the Universe. Somehow, we just seem to forget that sometimes...

  • del1968@xanga

    Henry I saw shieldmaidens dedication to you as a friend, and came across your picture.  You are not only cute, you are adorable.


    Della
  • Red_Apocalypse_Horse@xanga

    We all need that constant reminder that we're incredibly special in God's eyes... regardless of how othes think (or what we think) of ourselves.
  • shieldmaiden4x@xanga

    Another thing: sometimes maybe we wrestle too much with: "How could God love a punk like me?" But.... we shouldn't debate that too much.... just accept it. 


    Yay! Henry's famous!

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