Monday, 09 June 2008
We at Revelife realize that not everyone currently has God in their lives. Some people believed once and have lost their faith, while others have yet to find God at all.
A Revelife user shared this story about how they lost their faith, and their experiences with Christianity. Struggling with your faith is something that a lot of Christians can relate to, so we thought we'd share his story:The first book I read was a children's Bible. Every 100 pages or so was color-coded, so I would try as hard as I could to finish each color. One month I might finish the pink pages, and then I'd race ahead to finish the blue pages. The color coding was a brilliant trick to motivate me to read this huge Bible. Once I was done, I would even go back and "read the red pages" again. I must've read the Bible cover to cover a couple of times.
Since I was so close to his Word, I felt incredibly close to God growing up. I saw how God talked to Moses and Daniel, and so it made total sense to me that I would talk to God. He was truly my best friend. I talked to him all the time and at night, those conversations would often turn into prayers. My parents weren't religious, and so I never went to church. But God was a big part of my life, and His love gave me a lot of comfort.
I could never figure out one thing though: if God loved us all so much, how come he never sent anyone to help me? My sister hated me and it seemed like she was trying to kill me. My dad drank a lot and when he got home from work, my parents would start arguing. I could see their marriage breaking up before my eyes. I was the middle child, and was basically invisible. I didn't really care about my own happiness; I just wanted my family to be happy.
I begged God to help my family, but things just got worse. But in the color-coded Bible that I read every day, God was always sending someone to help his people. He even sent 12 plagues to help Moses, and then he parted the Red Sea! I didn't get it: why was God not sending help? I prayed every night for him to send someone. Every time I met someone (a teacher, a family friend), I thought maybe they would help me and my family. But they all pretended everything was fine even when it seemed clear it was not. In retrospect, they probably had enough problems of their own to deal with.
After a few years of this, my faith was slipping away. I still read the Bible, but now God seemed to be taunting me. Every story in the Bible seemed to tell me, "I will help everyone in this book, but I will not help you at all." Most of all, I couldn't believe that so many people ignored my cries for help. I didn't expect a giant God to swoop down out of the sky, but I hoped that maybe someone on Earth would help - maybe one of his believers? I was losing faith in both God and humanity.
Then one night I was lying in bed with my covers over my head, trying to drown out the sounds of my parents arguing yet again. Something in me snapped. I had had it with God... who was He to ignore my prayers for so many years? I had believed in him with everything I had, and yet He refused to help my family. That was it. I was done.
I swore in my heart in that moment that if anyone ever needed help, I would help them. I wouldn't ignore them like God had ignored me and my family. I would go out of my way to find people who needed help, and do everything in my power to make their lives a little better. I told this all to God, and then I told Him that I no longer believed.
That was the last day that I spoke to God. I was eight years old.
Has God helped you in your time of need? Has that helped or hurt your faith?