Tuesday, 03 June 2008
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Unequally Yoked
by mrs violet
My husband and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in September. He is not a Christian.
How I came to be married to a non-Christian is a whole other blog believe me, so I won't go into it now.
Yesterday I again felt the full consequences of my decision to marry a non-Christian. I again had a very real revelation of what Paul is talking about in 2 Corinthians 6:14- Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
My new age mother-in-law flies into the UK next week and would like to take my two eldest children to the nation's new age capital- Glastonbury. You can imagine my reaction to such a scenario. But hubby as cool as a cucumber can see nothing wrong with it.
Praise God he is a good man. He has agreed for our children to be brought up on Christian principles, and this means he will stand behind any decision I make. The pain of not being on the same page yet again was very real.
It is like a dull ache that comes and goes. Sometimes you don't feel it for months, and then out of the blue, a situation arises and you feel the affects of not having the same world view. My world view is a biblical world view, his is an agnostic one. It has affected every realm of our married life at one time or another.
I would never counsel anyone to marry a non-believer. As good a man as he is (and he is a good man), as great a dad as he is (and he is a great dad), he still does not know Jesus and this definitely affects our marriage.
It is very true what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 2:14- The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I pray that he comes to a personal knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, that he has a revelation about his own need for a savior. But until that day, I live everyday with the consequences of my actions.
Do yourself a favor. Please read the bible, apply it's principles and save yourself from unnecessary heartache.
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Comments (234)
I'm not married but I am dating someone who isn't a believer... He was once a believer but his views on God are not what they once were. To be honest, to see how broken and disheartened he is about God is heartbreaking. He's been through so much, seen too many things he shouldn't have but doesn't realize that God is always there for us and that he loves us no matter what, even if we don't feel his presence. God is loving, merciful and always waiting for us patiently but he believes that God is not there for him and that he has learned to accept that fact. It hurts everytime we talk about it. I keep trying to reach out but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. There are times when I think about leaving but I can't seem to do that. I pray for His guidance daily but not sure what I'm suppose to do....
I think it is our responsibility as christians not to convert others but to hear them and understand them even when we disagree
Yeah, I did the same thing. Married an unbelieving woman. In her case, it was like marrying Lucifer herself.
Not that it really matters a lot today. The divorce rate is just as high in the Church as it is in the world.
Perhaps more should heed the Apolstle Paul (as well as Peter, and John I blelieve) who agreed with Paul's position on the order in the family:
"Did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached? If anybody thinks he is a prophet or spiritually gifted, let him acknowledge that what I am writing to you is the Lord's command." -1 Corinthians 14"36 & 37.
Nice to see you over here! I was engaged to a non-believer at one time - my daughter's father - and I truly believed it would be alright, and that Jesus teaches us to love everyone, to be blind to differences, etc. etc....and his late wife had been a "Christian" and his children were still going to church at the time....but later, I found out he had no sense of commitment to his children and no follow-through, with them, or with me and my daughter. No real moral code, no Biblical principals on which to base his life - only his family's Jewish traditions, but yet, he is not a religious person and doesn't attend services or see that his kids do. It unraveled, and I began to see, although it took years, what "unequally yoked" really meant - and it was heartbreaking. Probably a very good thing we didn't get married after all, although I didn't think that at the time. Turns out his late wife was more of a "New Age Christian" who believed in The Goddess and all that baloney. As the years have gone by, the distance between us has grown so great that we can't even talk civilly anymore, because of our drastically diffierent perspectives and viewpoints about life, love, parenting, you name it. I will never again be with anyone who is not a devout, genuine (not phony) Christian. I wish I had known more about being unequally yoked 12 years ago....it's very, very difficult, as you know.
There's this guy that, since 6th grade, I always thought I'd marry. But he's an unbeliever. I just got out of a lengthy relationship with this other guy who wasn't a Christian either. From that experience, I really understand what Paul was saying when he wrote that. I'm glad I learned it now instead of a little bit down the road when I could have married a guy who doesn't know Christ as his savior. Taking to heart what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, I want to be sure that the guy I get involved with on something more than a "just friends" basis knows Christ.
The worst thing in going out with a non christian is that you are lessing the pool of christians that can go out with you. Say you have say five guys and five girls in a youth group. Two girls and say a guy say go out with a non christian meaning that it is harder for the christians in that group to find a meaningful relationship.
Another reason why it is dangerous is that they can pull you of your steadfast beliefs. They may change you to become more atheistic rather than you change them
If we view it in terms of heaven and hell. It makes life a alot easier! They are going to heaven and not unless they know Jesus they are going to Hell!
Along time ago I almost went out with a non christian and found out she had another boyfriend on the side. You do not they are faithful.
I kept faithful thou for a year when a non christian housemate went to the extreme of trying to do everything for me to be with her! and I kept telling her me and Jesus we are a pair if you want me you have to have Jesus aswell!
It is hard on the street when you are evangelsing to stay focused on Jesus!
I know too painfully with my brother who we prayed and prayed for his gf to be saved and she was! God does have grace! but it is not his best plan!
God laws are laws of Love. God created marriage and realationships and it always works!
Dom
HAHAHAHAHA
Marriage is difficult enough without viewing everything from very different perspectives. My husband and I are both Christians, and just having very different personalities can stretch your heart thin.
I'll be praying that the peace of God surrounds you and that His peace draws your husband as well
And who are you to force anyone into reading the bible?
While I have absolutely no prejudice against Christians, I have to say that the last sentence of this post was very closed-minded and offensive to possibly every other religion.
@x3g7@xanga - i have to disagree. i dont think she said anything offensive to other believers. i believe the content of the sentence is: apply to the principles that you claim to believe in. i also believe that the context of the sentence is: for Christians of the faith. she was speaking to an audience that was christian, and none outside of it. lastly, the conviction of the sentence was one of love and guidance. she said the word "please" and nothing else that could entail harm or insult to any Christian reading it.
i mean, thats just my opinion, but, i think she wrote this sentence, and this entry, specially - and intimately - for those who share in her conviction in the bible's truth. i believe it was written in quiet counsel and guidance, not in an effort to condemn.
if someone doesnt believe in what the bible says, that is his/er personal choice. revelife did not step into any sort of boundary that includes judging people, instead she was speaking of her personal difficultlies. i hope that you take that into consideration. just a couple of thoughts from me, x3g7 =)
respectfully, me.
whoa. tough topic.thank you for sharing your insights on this. may God give you strength, patience, and understanding during difficult / frustrating moments.
@x3g7@xanga - @cookee_cutout@xanga - Thanks for taking the time to comment on this post. The author definitely wrote this post for other Christians, especially those that might be struggling with a similar situation. She didn't intend this to be offensive.
Thanks cookee for writing and helping out with clarifying the situation. =) Appreciate your help. x3g7 thanks for stopping by!
@x3g7@xanga - I am sorry you feel that way...
Keep in mind, that before this was featured, I was writing on my own little blog, about my own little thoughts, on a Christians site. Given that thus far my subscribers seem to be Christian, I kinda figured bible reading would be something that was a natural part of their Christian life.
Thanks for the heads up though, I will certainly think of better ways of phrasing things like that in the future. x
@cookee_cutout@xanga - that was lovely, thank you. That was certainly my heart when I wrote it.
Although I do acknowledge sometimes tone is hard to grasp in print. x
@Soapie@xanga - thank you, that is very much appreciated. x
@susankaye@xanga - I hear you.... I think personality and even the way we were raised contributes an awful lot to marriage, that in itself can be so vastly different. Thank you for your prayers. x
@deltadom@xanga - Thanks Dom, I am sorry for the pain you suffered. Yes thanks to the grace of God, sometimes they find Jesus before marriage. I am very very pleased for your brothers girlfriend. x
@viscosityofwords@xanga - I pray that this will be the case for you. x
@musicmom60@xanga - I am very very sorry, that sounds like a terribly hurtful experience, I didn't know that part of it..... only about the ramifications for you today. YOU know I care very much about you and your situation. x
@Koolou@xanga - I am sorry for your experience, that sounds very hard and painful. x
@silentsoundsystem@xanga - Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. x
@ForevaFighter@xanga - I pray you find God's guidance too. x
@warn_your_warmth@xanga - not sure why the giggle. Bless you x
@revelife - It certainly wasn't written to be offensive. Thank you kind sir. x
I would date them, but I most definitely need a spiritual/religious connection with who ever I end up marrying.
There were problems in my marriage with differening world views too; it really made a big difference. I will be wiser next time.
I was in a similar situation, but with a different perspective. You see, as I was growing up, I went to church with my mom, while my dad stayed home. When they were married, neither went to church. Then my mom started going, and my dad wouldn't go. As I grew up in church, he watched us going week after week. When I would stay home from church when I was sick, I would take my children's bible to him, and we would read stories together. Eventually, he decided to go, I guess to see what it was all about. With time and a lot of love, he became a Christian, too.
I guess I'm saying give him time and love, and pray for him. You never know...his heart could be opened with time.
I am 30 this year and am still single.I do regret to say that most of the men I have dated over the past 10 years have not been Christians. Some even dragged me down spiritually. And most I butted heads with when it came to religion and values/beliefs. But awhile back I realize that being "yoked" with those who do not believe the same as I do - whether in a dating relationship or in marriage - is not the way God intended it. Now I choose to remain single. Even in the church, it is difficult to find spiritually mature men who have positive values and who want to follow God. So I remain as I am. (that and the nature of my job tends to scare them all away!)
Wow, you're testimony has reassured me to pray for the fruit of patience in my search for a husband. Let me also say to you, keep being an obedient Christian and humble servant of God. The strength, grace and peace you display as result of your walk with Christ is more apt to touch your husband's heart and move him towards Christ than any Bible verse that you could ever read him. There's a reason why Paul says in Corinthians that the Bible is nonsense to non-believers: the Bible is God's love letter and instruction manual for His people. Again, the greatest witnessing tool we as Christians have is our daily walk with Christ and a humble spirit.
as I am not in a relationship and have not been in for quite some time, I think that I have learned with previous non-christian relationships, I would have to agree with this blog. I see the struggles my sister puts up with, and the diffuculties I went through without god in a relationship, then I see my mother and father with most of the same difficulties and how the two outcomes can be different just because the two are christians. I think before I was looking because I just wanted to love someone and be loved, but after learning, sometimes, that is not always enough. There will be times when you don't feel the love, when hardships come falling down and temptation can be right at the door. When a small disaggrement turns into a major disaster and when hearts are being tested. But no one said any relationships will be at its best all the time, and thats when I learned, God really has a big part in this.
I can't live without him, because when I did, I was dying. So why would I want to be with someone who doesn't choose to live with him as well? I have so many reasons why, but now I choose no excuses, simply because I want to choose God.
This could possably mean I will be single for the rest of my life :) or what feels like forever for me. But I guess it's a chance well worth taken.
I'm a little confused here. There are all sorts of different Christians with all sorts of different beliefs and interpretations of the Bible. There seems to be an assumption that once you decide to stay firmly rooted in the "Christian" dating pool you will find a partner that agrees with your particular interpretation of what a Christian life looks like. I agree that it's important to discuss "deal breaker" values with a potential life partner, but often it takes more than a label to determine how another person navigates relationships, both human and spiritual.
Also, deltadom, being a "non-Christian" does not, by default, make a girl duplicitous. On the flip side, I grew up with several "Christian" girls who had *ahem* unusual definitions of monogamy. There's no religious litmus test for finding a good girlfriend.
I'm not a Christian but I found this post to be very interesting. Are spiritual world views any different from any other world views (for Christians)? That is to say, what is it about religious views that make them the "end-all-be-all" litmus test for a partner versus moral views, cultural views, political views, or whose sports team is best? Why shouldn't people be warned against marrying outside their culture (a separate idea from religion) or politics? Wouldn't that cause "unneccessary" strain on a relationship?
I don't know the Christian faith as intimately as many of you here, so forgive my curiosity. But my preconceived notions concerning the post are as such: I feel that children (as well as adults) should gain insight into many religious faiths. I don't think anybody has rightly suffered from too much knowledge of the world, be it New Age or Christian. If Jesus is the way and the Christian God truly cares about them, as you believe, then you would have nothing to worry about, right?
How is not believing in Christ inherently wicked? This is a different sort of "wicked" than being sinful? If not, and since we are all sinners (and therefore unable to judge the actions of others), then you and your husband are on equal footing. Right?
If you truly love somebody who is good in every regard except for religious orientation, how can that be wrong? Does advising against interfaith marriages breed isolation, outgroup hostility, and condescension?
Also how do you know that your faith is the right one? That is, why do you think it is your husband's place to convert and not you? This is something I've wanted to ask a praticing Christian, but many people around where I live do not know enough about their faith to give a well-reasoned response. There must be some proof outside the religious text telling you that Christianity is the right faith, but I've never been able to find what that is. Many people I know say they "just felt the Holy Spirit" or "just felt right" or have never questioned their Christian upbringing enough to really find out. How would you know if it were the Holy Spirit that moved you or a New Age spirit? How does one discern?
I am not trying to criticize anyone here, but merely wish to understand Christians and their faith a little better. Any help would be appreciated!
Also! I have another question
. At a Lutheran youth group conference, one pastor said something about "anonymous Christians"? What is that and what does it mean?
I've only had one non believer boyfriend and I really think that spiritual beliefs and religion play a big role in a relationship. I've kissed dating goodbye until I'm ready and he is, too.
nice post. thanks for sharing
I feel your pain- But there is hope..don't ever forget that. Continue living your life for Christ - Win him over not with words but with love. My husband believes in Jesus. But he is at this way slow pace. On a different level. And I cant speak to him about alot of spiritual things or my walk with God because he thinks I'm "trying to preach at him". So I let him be. One thing is for sure...I have to answer to God for my own actions, my own choices. And I know I'm in his life for a reason. Same with you. So lets continue praying for our husbands. I know what's hard for me is when I do go to church.(which is rare).I see wifes with their husbands praying and praising God. But God is dealing with me with my own issues. God Bless
Christina
Great Post! I am very blessed and lucky to be married to a GOd fearing man.